Venting I wasted a year on relationships and just collapsed the last thing that kept me from CTB

[Boudika]

I have spent the last year jumping around like a dog around a woman, believing empty promises. We were supposed to enter a relationship after my final exams, because I wanted to approach it with a clear head. I sacrificed a romantic relationship with a certain boyfriend for her, and repeatedly neglected my own needs to be by her side. Now she has graciously told me that she no longer "knows if she wants to be in a relationship with me" and supposedly "loves me still but her mind tells her 'no.'" I let myself be fooled like a child, giving her attentiveness and my own time (in the end I was able to talk to her even a few hours before my most important exam in life, staying up late.

Now I understand that I can't be loved. People are only interested in me when they need me for something. Whether it's attraction, satisfaction of needs, or fucking use to fulfill their own sexual fantasies. I am and will be a nobody. I don't deserve love and will never receive it. After I screwed up the exams that were supposed to get me into medical school, it was last straw for me. I'm done.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It doesn't sound like you were fooled. It sounded like you had strong reasons, reasons she deliberately gave you, to believe in her sincerity so you can't blame yourself for missing what wasn't there to be missed. But I understand the pain of having invested so much in someone who turned out never to have been worth any of it at all.

I would still be wary about generalizing from this experience and conclude that everyone will always treat you like that or that one person's treatment of you means you're unworthy of love. But I understand the temptation to do so given what she meant for you all this time.

Do you know for a fact that you got bad scores on those exams?

 

[Boudika]

It doesn't sound like you were fooled. It sounded like you had strong reasons, reasons she deliberately gave you, to believe in her sincerity so you can't blame yourself for missing what wasn't there to be missed. But I understand the pain of having invested so much in someone who turned out never to have been worth any of it at all.

I would still be wary about generalizing from this experience and conclude that everyone will always treat you like that or that one person's treatment of you means you're unworthy of love. But I understand the temptation to do so given what she meant for you all this time.

Do you know for a fact that you got bad scores on those exams?

Depends. I had almost 10 exams and some I think I will pass very well, but the 2 most important for me (biology and chemistry) I rather screwed up. I'm not 100% sure but it doesn't look good

And as for generalizations, this is not the first time for me. My last romantic relationship with a man ended with him using me for disgusting sexting and fulfilling his fantasies, and then he found a girlfriend and left me