Story I was too honest with my therapist

[AresCohere]

I thought I could trust her, but no, she tricked me into signing a literally sticky note then used that and twisting my words into making my parents force me into a hospital. I wasn't even fully honest, just admitting to having thoughts of CTB, and boom, was hospitalized that day.

Luckily I was able to make up stories to explain the cuts on my arm (I have 7 cats and where I work as a lot of exposed sharp metal so that made it easy) and was able to avoid being sent to a ward, being able to be released after only staying for ~4 hours. Still, what I saw, heard, and smelt in there… well I'm still trying to recover. About half or so of the people in the small psyche wing of the hospital were people around my age and likely in for similar thing, and the rest was a split between those with god knows what wrong with them and druggies. The doctors treated me from just awkwardly to even a dehumanizing way, and they acted like I was always a threat to them.

Even with all I tried, I still got diagnosed with being suicidal (forgot the exact term they used)

Even after I left I could still see flashes of the "cell" I was in, the sounds, and mostly the smell.

Weird things I noticed:
- Toilet loud
- Nurses didn't give a fuck and just watched shit on their phone
- people walked into my area a lot more than I expected


But hey, at least I got a bag of those shitty blue clothes and some grippy socks…

I also know now I have nobody irl to talk to, as I will just be hospitalized again if I say more, and might not be so lucky next time.

I only have to hold out for about a month until I'm out of state for college and then I'm free.


What should I do now?

 

[Stormy Raine]

I thought I could trust her, but no, she tricked me into signing a literally sticky note then used that and twisting my words into making my parents force me into a hospital. I wasn't even fully honest, just admitting to having thoughts of CTB, and boom, was hospitalized that day.

Luckily I was able to make up stories to explain the cuts on my arm (I have 7 cats and where I work as a lot of exposed sharp metal so that made it easy) and was able to avoid being sent to a ward, being able to be released after only staying for ~4 hours. Still, what I saw, heard, and smelt in there… well I'm still trying to recover. About half or so of the people in the small psyche wing of the hospital were people around my age and likely in for similar thing, and the rest was a split between those with god knows what wrong with them and druggies. The doctors treated me from just awkwardly to even a dehumanizing way, and they acted like I was always a threat to them.

Even with all I tried, I still got diagnosed with being suicidal (forgot the exact term they used)

Even after I left I could still see flashes of the "cell" I was in, the sounds, and mostly the smell.

Weird things I noticed:
- Toilet loud
- Nurses didn't give a fuck and just watched shit on their phone
- people walked into my area a lot more than I expected


But hey, at least I got a bag of those shitty blue clothes and some grippy socks…

I also know now I have nobody irl to talk to, as I will just be hospitalized again if I say more, and might not be so lucky next time.

I only have to hold out for about a month until I'm out of state for college and then I'm free.


What should I do now?

Awe I'm so sorry Those socks are the best, you can't slip or slide in them and they keep your feet so warm lol. Don't feel bad I have a pair too from psych I remember the shower, you have to keep pushing a button because you only get a splash of water and I remember being so cold. You are right the nurses were crappy and it's a very unpleasant experience. It's unfortunate because when you decide to be honest and finally open up then they quickly shove medication and label you crazy. I've learned to keep my mouth shut and I keep a diary now, it helps. Maybe you can try video diaries like I do. I don't write in my diaries because people have found them so I do video diaries.

 

[jesusdied69]

This happened to me once :( A therapist I thought I could actually trust for once and I told them everything one session and she called my parents and informed them of my state and thoughts of suicicde. It's pretty much ruined our relationship and this happened over 2 years ago.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

You can't trust your therapist. As much as we like to view therapists as our saviors because they are "trying to help us", you have to remember that it is just a job to them. You rant. They listen. That's all it is. A transaction. Nothing more. They are legally obligated to report to authorities if they sense you are in danger of self harm. As much as they say they care, no sane person would risk loosing their job and career over a client (you are the client).

Once you understand that, then you won't be taken advantage of again.

"The doctors treated me from just awkwardly to even a dehumanizing way, and they acted like I was always a threat to them."
^ That's because you got thrown in jail. That's what a psych ward is. You aren't allowed to voluntarily leave and have to stay until someone lets you out, That's the literal definition of jail.

Right now all you can do is rant here, talk in the chat.

I wouldn't even talk to friends as many friends won't understand the pro-choice suicide point of view.

 

[AresCohere]

You can't trust your therapist. As much as we like to view therapists as our saviors because they are "trying to help us", you have to remember that it is just a job to them. You rant. They listen. That's all it is. A transaction. Nothing more. They are legally obligated to report to authorities if they sense you are in danger of self harm. As much as they say they care, no sane person would risk loosing their job and career over a client (you are the client).

Once you understand that, then you won't be taken advantage of again.

"The doctors treated me from just awkwardly to even a dehumanizing way, and they acted like I was always a threat to them."
^ That's because you got thrown in jail. That's what a psych ward is. You aren't allowed to voluntarily leave and have to stay until someone lets you out, That's the literal definition of jail.

Right now all you can do is rant here, talk in the chat.

I wouldn't even talk to friends as many friends won't understand the pro-choice suicide point of view.

It was dehumanizing above all. The way they avoided contact when I just tried to talk, the way they stated, and when they did come by they would ask me what my name was and if I could spell it.

The worse was the other inmates tho. several times did they walk into my area, and every time I was fearful for my life as they were often the druggies or similar.

This happened to me once :( A therapist I thought I could actually trust for once and I told them everything one session and she called my parents and informed them of my state and thoughts of suicicde. It's pretty much ruined our relationship and this happened over 2 years ago.

I don't know if I can even talk to this therapist anymore. My parents are gonna force me to go to another session but I'm just gonna make it the last if I can.

Should I be angry at them? Act angry at them? Stay silent? What do I do to avoid being hospitalized again?

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Probably "suicidal ideation" is what they said you have. It just means you think of killing yourself but they have no proof of attempts. Hospital stays aren't all that bad in some cases, but it sounds like the place you were at is hell. The only upside for me being in the hospital was the food and most of the other guests were good conversation. Doctors and nurses thought it was funny that I referred to others as guests instead of patients.

Still it's best to stay out of the hospital if possible because it is dehumanizing just being in that situation. Best advice I can give you if you end up in another psyche ward is to just be nice and don't cause trouble. If you make their lives easier then you should have an easier time getting out. Most hospital stays are a 72 hour evaluation hold.

 

[absolutelyyou]

You can basically trust a therapist up until telling them you want to ctb or have plans to hurt someone (and if you are a minor- if you tell them you are being abused at home) they are mandatory reporters so basically they are legally obligated to say something to prevent you from doing that. There is a thin line you can walk when talking to these things with a therapist as "I just wish I was dead" wont trigger the same mandatory reporting alarms as "I want/plan to kill myself". I'm sorry you had to go through that trauma, I've been stuck in a ward for a week (my meds were fucked up and I was *not* ok) and it was a trauma all it's own.
If you want to talk some of those feelings out, saying "I have no plans to desire to end my own life but I feel this heavy sense of pain/dread/doom/whatever that makes just being alive feel impossible, can I talk about that and get help on how alleviate that feeling?" could be a good step that would make reporting less of a possibility.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

It was dehumanizing above all. The way they avoided contact when I just tried to talk, the way they stated, and when they did come by they would ask me what my name was and if I could spell it.

The worse was the other inmates tho. several times did they walk into my area, and every time I was fearful for my life as they were often the druggies or similar.

I don't know if I can even talk to this therapist anymore. My parents are gonna force me to go to another session but I'm just gonna make it the last if I can.

Should I be angry at them? Act angry at them? Stay silent? What do I do to avoid being hospitalized again?

It sounds like your parents aren't being helpful either. I don't know what your situation is. If they are forcing you to see a therapist.

You definitely should not act angry at the therapist. This therapist has already betrayed your trust. If you make them angry, they might try to do something again. I would stay silent. If you feel unsafe, you can always use a phone sound recording app so that you have proof if they try to lie. But becareful you know the laws in your country about recording private conversations.

But I would try to avoid going to the same therapist in the first place. Therapy should only happen if you want therapy.

 

[AresCohere]

Probably "suicidal ideation" is what they said you have. It just means you think of killing yourself but they have no proof of attempts. Hospital stays aren't all that bad in some cases, but it sounds like the place you were at is hell. The only upside for me being in the hospital was the food and most of the other guests were good conversation. Doctors and nurses thought it was funny that I referred to others as guests instead of patients.

Still it's best to stay out of the hospital if possible because it is dehumanizing just being in that situation. Best advice I can give you if you end up in another psyche ward is to just be nice and don't cause trouble. If you make their lives easier then you should have an easier time getting out. Most hospital stays are a 72 hour evaluation hold.

I think the reason they got me out quickly was because the place was already full and they took me as a minor case

 

[brokeandbroken]

Therapists are just paid to listen to you. Most don't give a fuck. Maybe the occasional Therapist will but I doubt it. A true friend is significantly better than a therapist but those are rare.

Want someone to listen to you who doesn't give a fuck what you say/you want anonymity hire a prostitute. Therapists will report you for suicidal ideation and what happened will happen. Have suicidal ideation talk to people on here. We understand.

Unless you want help saying you are going to CTB IRL is going to get you sent to the psych ward and probably with pills shoved down your throat. Keep that shit to yourself and if asked lie. Frankly depending on the situation I wouldn't have faith in the "help" either. Some in the field care. But a lot don't give a shit about you and have no intention desirous or not of healing you.

 

[lament.]

This is what I'm absolutely terrified of, if I ever told someone everything I felt I would almost definitely be sent to somewhere horrible and I know it would just make me go crazy. All they can do to "help" is push medication inside of you against your will and act like you are a danger to everyone, which is no surprise because who wouldn't go insane and become a danger to people around them when locked inside conditions like that.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's a disgusting behaviour from your therapist tricking you and it's a crime to put suicidal people into psych wards that are similar to a prison. This is so inhumane and disgusts me. I'm glad you were released already and you don't have to stay in this awful place.

That really proves that it is so difficult to talk about such a natural thing like suicide as we will die sooner or later anyway.

I hope you can recover from this awful experience and it's better to vent here and not to a therapist or doctor.

 

[lethargic]

Never ever expose yourself. This whole 'mental health' charade has only led to people gaslighting others into believing that this will somehow benefit you. It won't, pinky promise. Worst case scenario you're put in jail, best case scenario they put you on some fucking horse tranquilizer pills that make you stop feeling anything at all.

 

[J&L383]

I thought I could trust her, but no, she tricked me into signing a literally sticky note then used that and twisting my words into making my parents force me into a hospital. I wasn't even fully honest, just admitting to having thoughts of CTB, and boom, was hospitalized that day.

Luckily I was able to make up stories to explain the cuts on my arm (I have 7 cats and where I work as a lot of exposed sharp metal so that made it easy) and was able to avoid being sent to a ward, being able to be released after only staying for ~4 hours. Still, what I saw, heard, and smelt in there… well I'm still trying to recover. About half or so of the people in the small psyche wing of the hospital were people around my age and likely in for similar thing, and the rest was a split between those with god knows what wrong with them and druggies. The doctors treated me from just awkwardly to even a dehumanizing way, and they acted like I was always a threat to them.

Even with all I tried, I still got diagnosed with being suicidal (forgot the exact term they used)

Even after I left I could still see flashes of the "cell" I was in, the sounds, and mostly the smell.

Weird things I noticed:
- Toilet loud
- Nurses didn't give a fuck and just watched shit on their phone
- people walked into my area a lot more than I expected


But hey, at least I got a bag of those shitty blue clothes and some grippy socks…

I also know now I have nobody irl to talk to, as I will just be hospitalized again if I say more, and might not be so lucky next time.

I only have to hold out for about a month until I'm out of state for college and then I'm free.


What should I do now?

Yeah, I'm sorry it was far from being a good experience. It's a very sad state of affairs that this is the best we can do with mental health care. I hadn't realized that therapists have such a knee-jerk quick reaction if, heaven forbid you should even hint that you might be thinking of suicide, then they throw you into the "bin," although I have suspected it and so have always been guarded in my confessions. And so, so far I have yet to be on the inside as an inpatient, but only as a visitor, that's been enough. I keep a journal, and I keep it well guarded.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for your experience. Personally, I'd be tempted to write to the therapist telling them what a traumatic experience it was but I doubt that would do you much good. I wish they would have to go there though- to see what it's ACTUALLY like. Do they REALLY think any of that is good for someone's mental health? I thought they were intelligent! Don't they realise that it will just make people lie to them in order to avoid that?!! How can they help people if there's no trust to be open with them? The whole system just seems f*cked to me.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really dreadful to me, I hate how we exist in a world where suicidal people end up being punished simply for wanting to die, I personally wouldn't see it as being the best idea opening up about ctb thoughts in the first place as sadly we exist in such an anti-suicide society.