Story I was supposed to CTB today

[WornOutLife]

January, 21st has finally come and I've decided not to ctb even though HERE I looked really sure about it!

The thing is, lots of sh*t has happened during these weeks: my grandpa passed away, my dad really needs me, my depression has more ups than downs lately! (today I'm down, unfortunately), I've started working again and would like to save some money before ctb to give it to my family, etc...

I thought I was gonna die FOR REAL today! I guess that's why I feel kinda depressed, I mean, ctb is 24/7 on my mind and for some weeks I thought today it would all be finally over.


Anyway, there are positive things of being still alive! I've made some new friends here on SS and I really enjoy reading you and posting on your threads! You're a great help!
Also, I've been watching a lot of great tv shows such as "Your Honor" (Bryan Cranston is in it), it's epic!!!


By the way, thanks to all those of you who've sent me messages and posted comments wishing me peace. I really appreaciate it.

It seems I won't be leaving this world for now. I don't know when but I gotta endure life some more months.


Thanks a lot for reading me and allowing me to vent lol,


Matt

 

[Sherri]

Thanks for sharing your story. Take your time to figure out what you wanna do with your life or ctb idea. Sending you hugs hun.

 

[foxdie]

Sorry about your struggles friend, it's really tough. I'm glad you have more ups now and this place helps you tho! Stay strong

 

[*Hope*]

Happy to hear you doing well :)
But do you mind if I ask, what cbt method did you plan on going for?

 

[Spitfire]

I am glad you are staying

 

[Ghost2211]

I hope life gets better for you. I'm glad you're here with us

 

[The end !]

hey handsome ;)

 

[botanormal]

Thank you for taking the time to share this with us, and you're always more than welcome to vent! Life is constantly changing, so it's only natural that our thoughts and feelings will change alongside it. There's never any pressure to go for a specific date, so I'm glad you managed to come to a conclusion that works for you. It's always good to take things at your own pace, and to make sure you're completely comfortable before committing to any big decisions like ctb, so I'm glad you decided to postpone, even if it can feel difficult to have to wait longer than you expected. It's really nice to hear you've been experiencing more ups than downs lately too, you deserve some peace from all of the pain you've had to endure. I look forward to continue seeing more of your posts on the forum.

 

[Symbiote]

When I first joined SS, I was certain that I was going to CTB within 2 months. After talking with a few people and gotten a different perspective on things, I feel I am starting to feel better about myself and life in general. I have multiple job offers in different cities, I feel alright about divorce, and I feel like I have a vision to live life in the present and mostly for myself. So I guess I'm on the path to recovery. I have to remember that my journey is wrought with ups and downs still, but I should be in a better frame of mind to handle those when they come. I thank being with this community has been a positive impact on my life.

Do you think you could give recovery a shot?

 

[WornOutLife]

@botanormal

Hey bota-chan! It's so nice to read you! Thanks a bunch for your words. I hope we both can stay in this longer and try, somehow, to enjoy life.
Send you lots of hugs and love.

@Symbiote

I know how you're feeling and I totally agree with you. The impact of SS on my life has been certainly positive.
I might give recovery a shot. I'm actually trying. The problem is days like today, I feel so down!
Anyway, thank you very much for your words :)

@The end !

Heyy dear, how are you? ;)

@RoseyBird

Thank you Rosey! I'm so glad I'll be seeing you around for some more time. <3

@Spitfire

I'm glad I'm staying and will be able to keep reading your posts. You rock!

@*noHOPEleft*

Hey thanks for your words. My method was gonna be SN (I cancelled the order myself) or partial hanging (third time I was gonna try it.). If I somehow survived, I planned to end up in a psych ward forever and ever.
My days were really dark but little by little I can see some light!

@foxdie

Thanks a bunch for your words my fav fox! You're the beat.

@Sherri

You especially, hun, are one of the persons who has helped lots. I really enjoy talking to you and reading you and you know...
Argentina will always be waiting for you!
Send you hugs and love and ty for your words :)

 

[Sherri]

@botanormal

Hey bota-chan! It's so nice to read you! Thanks a bunch for your words. I hope we both can stay in this longer and try, somehow, to enjoy life.
Send you lots of hugs and love.

@Symbiote

I know how you're feeling and I totally agree with you. The impact of SS on my life has been certainly positive.
I might give recovery a shot. I'm actually trying. The problem is days like today, I feel so down!
Anyway, thank you very much for your words :)

@The end !

Heyy dear, how are you? ;)

@RoseyBird

Thank you Rosey! I'm so glad I'll be seeing you around for some more time. <3

@Spitfire

I'm glad I'm staying and will be able to keep reading your posts. You rock!

@*noHOPEleft*

Hey thanks for your words. My method was gonna be SN (I cancelled the order myself) or partial hanging (third time I was gonna try it.). If I somehow survived, I planned to end up in a psych ward forever and ever.
My days were really dark but little by little I can see some light!

@foxdie

Thanks a bunch for your words my fav fox! You're the beat.

@Sherri

You especially, hun, are one of the persons who has helped lots. I really enjoy talking to you and reading you and you know...
Argentina will always be waiting for you!
Send you hugs and love and ty for your words :)

Oh hun, those were one of the sweetest things someone said to me. Gracias

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh hun, those were one of the sweetest things someone said to me. Gracias

It's a pleasure! I'm just being honest! =)

 

[Defenestration]

January, 21st has finally come and I've decided not to ctb even though HERE I looked really sure about it!

The thing is, lots of sh*t has happened during these weeks: my grandpa passed away, my dad really needs me, my depression has more ups than downs lately! (today I'm down, unfortunately), I've started working again and would like to save some money before ctb to give it to my family, etc...

I thought I was gonna die FOR REAL today! I guess that's why I feel kinda depressed, I mean, ctb is 24/7 on my mind and for some weeks I thought today it would all be finally over.


Anyway, there are positive things of being still alive! I've made some new friends here on SS and I really enjoy reading you and posting on your threads! You're a great help!
Also, I've been watching a lot of great tv shows such as "Your Honor" (Bryan Cranston is in it), it's epic!!!


By the way, thanks to all those of you who've sent me messages and posted comments wishing me peace. I really appreaciate it.

It seems I won't be leaving this world for now. I don't know when but I gotta endure life some more months.


Thanks a lot for reading me and allowing me to vent lol,


Matt

Ihave thought about you.the 21 I have known this was your day...but I knew about your grandpa and that you don't ctb

 

[WornOutLife]

Ihave thought about you.the 21 I have known this was your day...but I knew about your grandpa and that you don't ctb

It's so nice of you to have thought about me! Thanks a bunch!
Yeah, my grandpa's death certainly changed my ctb date. You can't imagine how sad my dad is. (but he's also very happy because he sees me happier)

Anyway, you rock! Thanks for your kind posts and messages!

 

[Defenestration]

It's so nice of you to have thought about me! Thanks a bunch!
Yeah, my grandpa's death certainly changed my ctb date. You can't imagine how sad my dad is. (but he's also very happy because he sees me happier)

Anyway, you rock! Thanks for your kind posts and messages!

You are a very very nice man and I need to talk about you...

 

[Makko]

I guess a good thing about suicidality is that it keeps your horizons short. Normally this would be a bad thing, but it really helps the mood not having to anticipate decades of suffering ahead of you.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

I'm so glad things are going well for you! :)