I understand, in my case I never should have existed at all, I'm not meant to be a conscious being who has the ability to suffer endlessly in such a cruel and futile existence, to simply exist is so undesirable to me in every way possible.
No matter what I'd always see it as better that this existence disappears into nothingness, all that comforts me is the thought of an dreamless, eternal sleep. I don't belong in this evil world filled with endless suffering and cruelty, all that existence ever causes is harm, it's so tragic how life even exists at all.