I was a parasite

[somenone]

It's funny to think that all the people I was close to claimed that they would commit suicide, that they would never be happy, that they were incapable of anything. That is, I simply forced myself into communication when people were at their lowest, and could contact someone who treated them well. I counted about six of these in my life. But the funny thing is that in the end they all moved on, returned to a more or less normal life, to aspirations, but I remained in place, behind. A stepping stone for others in their lives. I hope at least I was helpful. But the problem is that I also have reasons to regret every night the bad (mostly stupid) actions towards these people.

It's a pity that they didn't understand my insignificance in advance, but perceived it as poor self-esteem or something like that. Because the consequences hurt both them and me. I hope I can finish off my insignificance, it's a pity that none of those previously close to me will support me in this or anything else. Everything is now very far away, and I am alone. I hope everything will be fine with these people, despite the fact that some said goodbye to me very coldly, or even rudely. I care

 

[LoiteringClouds]

But the funny thing is that in the end they all moved on, returned to a more or less normal life, to aspirations, but I remained in place, behind. A stepping stone for others in their lives.

Hello,
Your story resonates with me - I'm a mere stepping stone, too. Most of my friends have ghosted me. I went a psych ward after my breakdown in 2018, and I made several friends there - though they weren't as suicidal as me, but I listened to them with interest, so my nickname was "a therapist." And I kept being connected with them for several months but they simply left me with no words, except the one who had the most severe case of mental illness. She's now one of my best friends.

I hope I can finish off my insignificance, it's a pity that none of those previously close to me will support me in this or anything else.

I'm so sorry nobody cares about you anymore - but sadly I think it's common in my case. People simply ghost me after about 2-3 years. I don't know the reason why but I suspect they found I'm a boring person, or just a pathetic loser who still live with parents.
Some people find me interesting but some do the opposite, and it's normal I guess...

I found the only person who cares about my feeling in a psych ward - it was sheer luck. I'm deeply grateful for that, and I'm so sorry you seem to have nobody in real life...

It's funny to think that all the people I was close to claimed that they would commit suicide, that they would never be happy, that they were incapable of anything. That is, I simply forced myself into communication when people were at their lowest, and could contact someone who treated them well. I counted about six of these in my life.

You definitely deserve more and I hope you find people who care about you on this forum, but I understand online friends will never substitute one in real life. In my experience, people tend to be cold when they know they can't show off their virtue.

I hope your days will be a bit less unbearable

By the way, does your username mean "an assembly (language) coder"? I learned computer science in school.

 

[TooConscious]

Feelz I've almost isolated don't seem to think about relationships in the same way because I felt people didn't value me as I did them so naturally I would sacrifice too much for their well being and take a poorer quality of life myself.