I wanted a different life

[S like suicide]

I'm sorry for the outburst and sorry if I look like a capricious little girl ... it's just that I'm so mad!!!Why did I have this shitty life? Why was I so unlucky? Why can't I be part of the happy and lucky people? What am I so wrong with? What did I do to deserve this crap? Like everyone else I had dreams and I like to laugh and feel good
and i like beautiful things. why me? but mostly why dying is so fucking hard and i read about so many who ctb successfully while i'm a total failure even to kill myself?
sorry guys but i feel such shit...none of us deserved this shit life:(

 

[WornOutLife]

I know dear, life is really unfair and in the end it seems it's all a matter of luck because we can't choose our family, genes and where we're born! Can we change things? Probably but...it's not easy at all. It's as if our fates were already written.

Yet, I think we gotta try out all the options before ctb. That's what I'm doing, at least. I can still have some happy moments but it ain't so simple.

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[S like suicide]

I know dear, life is really unfair and in the end it seems it's all a matter of luck because we can't choose our family, genes and where we're born! Can we change things? Probably but...it's not easy at all. It's as if our fates were already written.

Yet, I think we gotta try out all the options before ctb. That's why I'm doing, at least. I can still have some happy moments but it ain't easy.

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs and love,

Matt

Thank you very much Matt:)
it's just that ... I understand that not everyone can be lucky in this world but at least there could be a less painful way out.But no, pain until the end.So unfair guys...:(

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I totally understand your anger; I have felt that way and thought those exact same thoughts SO many times over most of my own shitty life.

Life IS unfair. And random and some things - like health, or family situations, etc - just CAN'T be changed no matter how many motivational memes say "you aren't a tree, if you don't like where you are...PICK UP AND MOVE!" (I especially hate that one) or how many useless, unhelpful platitudes and tired cliches and catchphrases family or friends or 'professionals' throw at you. Some things are. just. SHITTY. And indeed, unfair. Your anger and rage and frustration is justified. That's one thing I have decided to stop doing (finally) at this point in my life and that's be made to feel guilty or that I'm just "not doing enough" to "make my life better". Nothing will make me healthy or take away my physical - or mental - pain...no doctor has been able to and I've seen a LOT. No one can give me the money or means to make money and support myself so I can better my living circumstances, and I wasn't born pretty or healthy enough to marry a rich guy. etc etc. My point is: I'm glad you have SS to let out this justifiable, valid anger about your life, and to express yourself about those feelings. Being able to do that without someone minimizing your anger/hurt/frustration or turn it around onto you like its all your fault is important and I hope you will make as many posts as you need to to find *some* bit of relief from that pain and anger. Because there are many people here who 'get it' and understand. i'm so sorry your life has gone as it has. I hope on days you feel less anger, you are able to experience even a few brief moments of joy somewhere, somehow to temper the anger about the unfairness. You deserve that. Sending you all my support and understanding, friend. I get you. <3

 

[BlankUser]

I also wanted a different life - a life free of mental illness. I wanted to have a functional family. But I've experienced so much trauma at such young age. It haunts me to this day.

 

[S like suicide]

I totally understand your anger; I have felt that way and thought those exact same thoughts SO many times over most of my own shitty life.

Life IS unfair. And random and some things - like health, or family situations, etc - just CAN'T be changed no matter how many motivational memes say "you aren't a tree, if you don't like where you are...PICK UP AND MOVE!" (I especially hate that one) or how many useless, unhelpful platitudes and tired cliches and catchphrases family or friends or 'professionals' throw at you. Some things are. just. SHITTY. And indeed, unfair. Your anger and rage and frustration is justified. That's one thing I have decided to stop doing (finally) at this point in my life and that's be made to feel guilty or that I'm just "not doing enough" to "make my life better". Nothing will make me healthy or take away my physical - or mental - pain...no doctor has been able to and I've seen a LOT. No one can give me the money or means to make money and support myself so I can better my living circumstances, and I wasn't born pretty or healthy enough to marry a rich guy. etc etc. My point is: I'm glad you have SS to let out this justifiable, valid anger about your life, and to express yourself about those feelings. Being able to do that without someone minimizing your anger/hurt/frustration or turn it around onto you like its all your fault is important and I hope you will make as many posts as you need to to find *some* bit of relief from that pain and anger. Because there are many people here who 'get it' and understand. i'm so sorry your life has gone as it has. I hope on days you feel less anger, you are able to experience even a few brief moments of joy somewhere, somehow to temper the anger about the unfairness. You deserve that. Sending you all my support and understanding, friend. I get you. <3

I sincerely thank you very much for your words...are important to me. <3This community has become pretty much my whole life. I don't know what I would do without all of you really. I am really sorry that what we have in common here is suffering and I wish that each of us had a simple solution to get out of this shit life that we do not deserve.Here I feel less alone it is true.... but at the same time it is sad to think that you and others know what it means and what it feels like 'cause you suffer and life has been unfair also with you...:(
what can we do? we were born and we did not choose it ...
we are all in the same boat unfortunately ... love you guys thank you all<3<3

I also wanted a different life - a life free of mental illness. I wanted to have a functional family. But I've experienced so much trauma at such young age. It haunts me to this day.

Hug you right now BlankUser!<3<3

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like I'm cursed, some people just have bad luck and this life likes to work against us. Life can be very cruel, and the majority of the time I don't want to be me. Nobody deserves this and I understand your anger. I wish there was a peaceful way out if we wanted one, it is unfair to force people to suffer. It isn't like we asked to be born in the first place so we should have a way out.

 

[Bullit]

I feel this way,but maybe 50%. Lemme Splain. Yes I curse fate that made me mentally ill,autistic,depressed etc. I curse having shitty siblings who hurt my parents.
But otoh, I had,as the Eagles say,some fine things laid upon my table. I read about some of the people here,and my heart goes out to them. I could've had a decent life,but I fucked it up. I had a lot of serious challenges, I.e. the woman loved was mentally ill,on many many pills,had been to the mental ward several times,etc. It wad a lot,I wish it had been better.
But I am here now.

 

[jussrav]

I'm sorry for the outburst and sorry if I look like a capricious little girl ... it's just that I'm so mad!!!Why did I have this shitty life? Why was I so unlucky? Why can't I be part of the happy and lucky people? What am I so wrong with? What did I do to deserve this crap? Like everyone else I had dreams and I like to laugh and feel good
and i like beautiful things. why me? but mostly why dying is so fucking hard and i read about so many who ctb successfully while i'm a total failure even to kill myself?
sorry guys but i feel such shit...none of us deserved this shit life:(

I feel the same i am sorry gor you. i am planning on hanging tonight.

 

[S like suicide]

I feel the same i am sorry gor you. i am planning on hanging tonight.

I am sorry you had to suffer so much too to the point of ctb...i am planning my ctb and future attempt too.i hug you I am sorry you are going throught all this:(

 

[jussrav]

I am sorry you had to suffer so much too to the point of ctb...i am planning my ctb and future attempt too.i hug you I am sorry you are going throught all this:(

Thankyou I was attempting to hang tonight soneone said its painful but so is life

 

[S like suicide]

Thankyou I was attempting to hang tonight soneone said its painful but so is life

Definetly...my life is hell,for how much painful ctb can be my life is more painful so I prefer ctb,i am tired in my soul,i don't want go on anymore.

 

[jussrav]

Definetly...my life is hell,for how much painful ctb can be my life is more painful so I prefer ctb,i am tired in my soul,i don't want go on anymore.

My life is hell and I have idiots around me telling me to try things which I have tried and I am still suffering

I totally understand your anger; I have felt that way and thought those exact same thoughts SO many times over most of my own shitty life.

Life IS unfair. And random and some things - like health, or family situations, etc - just CAN'T be changed no matter how many motivational memes say "you aren't a tree, if you don't like where you are...PICK UP AND MOVE!" (I especially hate that one) or how many useless, unhelpful platitudes and tired cliches and catchphrases family or friends or 'professionals' throw at you. Some things are. just. SHITTY. And indeed, unfair. Your anger and rage and frustration is justified. That's one thing I have decided to stop doing (finally) at this point in my life and that's be made to feel guilty or that I'm just "not doing enough" to "make my life better". Nothing will make me healthy or take away my physical - or mental - pain...no doctor has been able to and I've seen a LOT. No one can give me the money or means to make money and support myself so I can better my living circumstances, and I wasn't born pretty or healthy enough to marry a rich guy. etc etc. My point is: I'm glad you have SS to let out this justifiable, valid anger about your life, and to express yourself about those feelings. Being able to do that without someone minimizing your anger/hurt/frustration or turn it around onto you like its all your fault is important and I hope you will make as many posts as you need to to find *some* bit of relief from that pain and anger. Because there are many people here who 'get it' and understand. i'm so sorry your life has gone as it has. I hope on days you feel less anger, you are able to experience even a few brief moments of joy somewhere, somehow to temper the anger about the unfairness. You deserve that. Sending you all my support and understanding, friend. I get you. <3

God i feel like this i am suicidal every second my life has gone way out of this world. Its like trying to climb mountains. I am doomed

 

[S like suicide]

My life is hell and I have idiots around me telling me to try things which I have tried and I am still suffering

Same i tried for years...years,I think I am done really.

 

[jussrav]

Same i tried for years...years,I think I am done really.

Same u have someone next to me who could give me pills to end it but won't. Instead he us sitting here putting prayer music in its not going to take my issues away.

 

[S like suicide]

"Same u have someone next to me who could give me pills to end it but won't. Instead he us sitting here putting prayer music in its not going to take my issues away."
Which pills?

 

[jussrav]

"Same u have someone next to me who could give me pills to end it but won't. Instead he us sitting here putting prayer music in its not going to take my issues away."
Which pills?

Hes got a cocktail of sleeping pills, and antidepressants but no he won't help me
He says let's go crash into a tree. I saud what if you die and I end up disabled
He is driving me crazy sitting there in peace with his eyes closed chanting whilst I want to go and hang

I also wanted a different life - a life free of mental illness. I wanted to have a functional family. But I've experienced so much trauma at such young age. It haunts me to this day.

I wont have a family husband kids nothing. They will run a mile. I will be alone forever suffering. No guy wants to be with a girl who is suffering all day and is wanting to end it.