Story I want to tell someone but i feel like they wont listen

[SerypSurpy]

A few weeks ago I posted a thread saying I was going to kill myself, but I didn't because my door was too loud to open and I couldn't be found, so I didn't
Now I don't know what to do. I choose the hanging method because I'm sure it will work because I can make myself pass out with my hands every day so I know it will work but I think

I'm too lazy to do it again, I just don't care what happens to me, like I'm not actively trying to die or whatever even though I feel like it

I want to tell someone but no one is listening to me, like I met someone last Tuesday and want to tell that person how I feel but I don't want to be in that "I'm the victim" role so I do just keep my mouth shut. I dream about suicide and in my dream I can't just do it so I don't know what to do

My friends don't know about my feelings because I can't tell them, and telling my mom isn't an option either.

I do not know what to do. I feel very lost.

Why can't it just get better?

 

[carnivalforone]

real

 

[Some place nice]

I'm so sorry that you feel like that. I wish I could help, all I can say is if you want to get better you will have to be in that "victim" position. If you don't than you can always find a quiet ctb method when you feel the need to.

 

[SorrowfulDrugUser]

If it helps, you can feel free to send me a DM to vent, sometimes talking to someone about problems really helps. It's one thing to have thought-patterns but another to speak them out and say them. I can't explain it, but talking to someone about my problems is really helpful and insightful. If not that, at least I was able at the very minimum to rest my case.