Venting I want to run away

[sakura_]

I feel horrible for feeling the way I do. I have friends who care a lot about me, but I know I'm a burden because of my mental illness and depressive behavior, no matter what I do to try to improve my life I always end up feeling the same. One of my best friends is letting me stay with her and letting me sleep in the living room because my parents house is filled with really bad memories. Which I'm so grateful she's letting me do, and I also have another best friend who I've been through a lot with and I care about them very deeply. But I just really want to run out the front door and get lost in the desert and die. I can't do this anymore. I always fail at everything, everything feels so dull even though I was supposed to be starting a new life here. I just arrived here on Saturday and it was one of the best days of my life, getting to see the friends I missed so much, and love more than anything, that I've known since kindergarten. And I had so much fun. But the depression is returning again. Earlier this week I went on a walk and didn't return for a couple of hours, I ran away to a park but I was found pretty quickly. I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this. I hope it's okay to vent. I just really want to run away but I don't want them to be hurt, I truly hate myself