Help I want to recover but there are people who hate my guts

[StolenLife]

There's a group of people from my past who are probably conspiring against me. In the past I got harrassed and bullied by those people and they are the reason I'm here in the first place. I can't post any details on a public portion of this site but I have a serious fear of them. I am too paranoid and I only leave my flat for grocery shopping now that it's summer break at University. I am so paranoid that I don't know whether I'll ever feel safe as long as some of them are alive. I don't have proof but believe me when I say that they are the type of people who would do this out of fun. I went over this with my therapist and she says that they probably don't even remember me but I know for a fact that the worst of them do since they've tried to contact me after I got away from them and it happened five years ago.
For example every month or so I get a phone call with unknown numbers. Sometimes it's telemarketing and sometimes there are people looking for some guy named Carl. I know of no Carl but they insist that it was his number. I don't know how the hell they got my number. Sometimes I don't answer the call at all, like today, and I just straight up blocked the number.
I'm currently on Leponex but it's not helping. Whenever I don't answer I keep thinking that it's them. My parents don't want me to change my number for God knows what reason, and this is the number that I have had since high school and that certainly some of the people who hate me have.
I know that there is a possibility that that Carl guy was simply the previous owner of the number but like I said I've had it since high school, why would they only start calling since last two or three years or so and not way back in high school?
These people are the main reason why I'm killing myself in a few years when I finish University. I have to suck it up until then so that I can earn my own money to buy SN with.
I really want to recover but it's impossible like this. In order for me to happy at life, I'd need to erase all of my bad memories with these people and erase any way of communication between us.
I really don't know why I even posted this here, not like anyone can help me but it feels good to let it all out and this is the only place where I won't be met with useless platitudes.
I will probably end up deleting this thread because I'm scared that they could recognize me.

 

[tiredofbreathing]

if you want to recover then recover. f them. and change your number if you want to if your an adult

 

[Valky]

You said it yourself:

I really want to recover but it's impossible like this. In order for me to happy at life, I'd need to erase all of my bad memories with these people and erase any way of communication between us.

Don't let anyone stop you from recovering and living a better life. Change your phone number, move if you want to, erase all the memories of them out of your daily life. Whatever it is that happened, don't let it ruin the rest of your life. You deserve better. Remember that!

 

[LONE WOLF.]

There's a group of people from my past who are probably conspiring against me. In the past I got harrassed and bullied by those people and they are the reason I'm here in the first place. I can't post any details on a public portion of this site but I have a serious fear of them. I am too paranoid and I only leave my flat for grocery shopping now that it's summer break at University. I am so paranoid that I don't know whether I'll ever feel safe as long as some of them are alive. I don't have proof but believe me when I say that they are the type of people who would do this out of fun. I went over this with my therapist and she says that they probably don't even remember me but I know for a fact that the worst of them do since they've tried to contact me after I got away from them and it happened five years ago.
For example every month or so I get a phone call with unknown numbers. Sometimes it's telemarketing and sometimes there are people looking for some guy named Carl. I know of no Carl but they insist that it was his number. I don't know how the hell they got my number. Sometimes I don't answer the call at all, like today, and I just straight up blocked the number.
I'm currently on Leponex but it's not helping. Whenever I don't answer I keep thinking that it's them. My parents don't want me to change my number for God knows what reason, and this is the number that I have had since high school and that certainly some of the people who hate me have.
I know that there is a possibility that that Carl guy was simply the previous owner of the number but like I said I've had it since high school, why would they only start calling since last two or three years or so and not way back in high school?
These people are the main reason why I'm killing myself in a few years when I finish University. I have to suck it up until then so that I can earn my own money to buy SN with.
I really want to recover but it's impossible like this. In order for me to happy at life, I'd need to erase all of my bad memories with these people and erase any way of communication between us.
I really don't know why I even posted this here, not like anyone can help me but it feels good to let it all out and this is the only place where I won't be met with useless platitudes.
I will probably end up deleting this thread because I'm scared that they could recognize me.

It's your life not theirs,are you going to let those A-Holes direct your whole life, don't hide in the shadows,step out into the sunlight, if you show a bully fear the bully will press forward, show you have no fear and the bully will hesitate,that moment of hesitation is enough for you to sow the seeds of doubt which are easily turned into fears then you will have the upper hand,then you turn their life into a living nightmare! in my book that's Karma

 

[StolenLife]

Thank you all so much! I really appreciate your support.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Thank you all so much! I really appreciate your support.

You are most welcome @StolenLife, us here at SaSu are here for one another, to act as a beacon of light in time's of darkness,

 

[todienomore]

Definitely change your number. What if you changed schools/cities?

You might look into Somatic Experiencing, Trauma Release Exercises, EMDR.

Have symptoms gotten any worse since you started taking the medication? It can cause paranoia for example. I'm not familiar with this specific med but at a glance its an anticholinergic and theyre sketchy in general.

It can cause its own issues, but you might research aswhagandha, sublingual pregnenolone. I can wake up with a lot of rumination/anxiety and the ash lowers cortisol, the preg resensitizes gaba receptors. Chronic stress = high cortisol and low pregnenolone. P is an important neurosteroid.

Also spend more time with other people to keep you out of this default mind state where those evil people can occupy part of your internal reality. That is something I have to make myeself do to, my best days are when I'm focused on friends and my brain cant default to old memories.

 

[StolenLife]

You are most welcome @StolenLife, us here at SaSu are here for one another, to act as a beacon of light in time's of darkness,

Thank you so much! It's true that this community is one where I can express myself without fear of being sent to the mental hospital. Which is why it needs to be protected at all costs.

Definitely change your number. What if you changed schools/cities?

You might look into Somatic Experiencing, Trauma Release Exercises, EMDR.

Have symptoms gotten any worse since you started taking the medication? It can cause paranoia for example. I'm not familiar with this specific med but at a glance its an anticholinergic and theyre sketchy in general.

It can cause its own issues, but you might research aswhagandha, sublingual pregnenolone. I can wake up with a lot of rumination/anxiety and the ash lowers cortisol, the preg resensitizes gaba receptors. Chronic stress = high cortisol and low pregnenolone. P is an important neurosteroid.

Also spend more time with other people to keep you out of this default mind state where those evil people can occupy part of your internal reality. That is something I have to make myeself do to, my best days are when I'm focused on friends and my brain cant default to old memories.

I've already changed cities and they are not in my school. I'll definitely look into those exercises and medications, thanks for the advice. I don't really have friends but I'll try to befriend people once classes start, and hopefully it will distract my mind.

 

[salvia]

I've had similar experiences a lot of your worries stem for anxiety. Remember and remind yourself that you are in control of your own body and have the power over the situation. Even if you don't believe it just saying it over and over again or thinking might help reduce the stress.