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rokonie
Member
- Jun 3, 2024
- 61
I wonder if I'm alone feeling this way. My SI is too great, im scared of pain, so i know i'll probably never be able to ctb. So I want to live as if I were dead if that makes sense?
No human contact, no stepping outside my house, no responsibilities. Ik this isn't possible because I need money and necessities, so I guess the only human interaction i'd do is whatever is necessary at work and shopping, but i'll go home immediately after it's over and i will make sure i don't let any coworkers get close to me. I don't want any friends or family to bother talking to,, it's too much energy to maintain relationships. I do feel lonely a lot but every attempt to socialize and meet new people has left me feeling more drained and questioning whether it's worth it. I just can't connect with people and i think i'd be better off if i just isolated complately and found peace being alone. I want to shut myself away from the outside world as much as possible and be almost like a ghost I guess,, just be a passing face in the background of people's lives but never really percieved nor remembered by anyone.
If i'm stuck on this planet, why not get learn to love it? Well I think a big part of recovery for me entails letting other people into my life and embracing myself. And tbh that's a lot of work (humans suck and i suck) that i dont think i want to do.
No human contact, no stepping outside my house, no responsibilities. Ik this isn't possible because I need money and necessities, so I guess the only human interaction i'd do is whatever is necessary at work and shopping, but i'll go home immediately after it's over and i will make sure i don't let any coworkers get close to me. I don't want any friends or family to bother talking to,, it's too much energy to maintain relationships. I do feel lonely a lot but every attempt to socialize and meet new people has left me feeling more drained and questioning whether it's worth it. I just can't connect with people and i think i'd be better off if i just isolated complately and found peace being alone. I want to shut myself away from the outside world as much as possible and be almost like a ghost I guess,, just be a passing face in the background of people's lives but never really percieved nor remembered by anyone.
If i'm stuck on this planet, why not get learn to love it? Well I think a big part of recovery for me entails letting other people into my life and embracing myself. And tbh that's a lot of work (humans suck and i suck) that i dont think i want to do.