Venting i want to keep going... but i don't want to

[thatinitiative791]

I still have so many things that I want to do before I ctb, but right now I'm suffering far too much to feel optimistic for the future. It feels like when I'm too alert to fall asleep, but too sleepy to actually do anything, so I simply lay in bed, uncomfortable and wishing I could fall asleep. Depression's cruelest trick is making me feel too hopeful to actually ctb, but too despondent to do literally anything at all. It's the worst, most fucked-up limbo I could ever be in, and I wish I could break out of it one way or the other.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I used to be like this a lot. I called it yo-yo mind.
Nowadays I only think of dying.

 

[90starve]

i am also stuck in this mindset - to combat this, i have set a date. if i have not chosen to live or to die by then, it will have been decided for me.

 

[hellispink]

Its so hard to let go, even of life. To go through with this one must truly let go. Its hard for us humans to say goodbye. I have felt this way.

 

[thatinitiative791]

i am also stuck in this mindset - to combat this, i have set a date. if i have not chosen to live or to die by then, it will have been decided for me.

I think this is a pretty good idea, I'm gonna try it out

 

[90starve]

I think this is a pretty good idea, I'm gonna try it out

i have 549 days left :)

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring feeling trapped in that situation, existence certainly is so cruel, to me it's such a dreadful existence where people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[thatinitiative791]

i have 549 days left :)

I hope that things get better for you in that time (hey, that's a year and a half from now, a lot can happen), and regardless of what happens I hope you make the right decision, whatever that means for you

 

[90starve]

I hope that things get better for you in that time (hey, that's a year and a half from now, a lot can happen), and regardless of what happens I hope you make the right decision, whatever that means for you

thankyou so much for your kindness - you're right, a lot can happen. that's party why i chose a date so far in the future <3