Venting i want to join the one i love in heaven

[tsuina]

today is their death-aversary. it's been a few years. it's hard to believe that.
my partner yelled at me a lot. a lot. even when i was really upset. everything was my fault as usual. and yet i'm this codependent for attention.. and so used to being treated this way. and hell, i suppose i even want to punish myself for existing in the first place, so i allow this behavior to happen.
i wish that it was me who died instead. the only person who wasn't my parents that was always kind to me, who never hurt me or tried to hurt me is gone. the person who held me as a baby is gone. the person who was there for so many significant life events of mine- and i was there for many of theirs- is gone.
and now, where am i? i'm stuck alone with no friends, with a partner that gets angry at me all the time and lashes out at me over nothing, stuck at home all day, dropping weight because i can't eat, tons of pain all over my body.
what's the point? what is the point? all i have is my pet and my parents to live for now, because i don't even want to live for myself. i'd rather be up in heaven with the person i love, the person i can never let go of as long as i live. but what if i go to hell? then what? will i never see them again? what if there's no afterlife at all? i like to think there's one full of happiness, but who really knows. i feel trapped in this world and i can't escape because i'm scared

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I like to think there's an afterlife too — that our soul lives on in some way. It's comforting thinking that our loved ones are looking out for us and waiting to welcome us when we stand at death's door.

I, too, am anxious to join my best friend who died 13 years ago this November. I am married, but I fear my husband tires of me. I'm not sure anyone has shown me the love that my best friend did. I miss him everyday still, after all these years.

I can't offer you any definitive answers on the afterlife, but I can say to you with relative certainty that if there is a Hell, you don't belong there. I can sense the love in your heart. Hell isn't for people like you.

 

[tsuina]

I like to think there's an afterlife too — that our soul lives on in some way. It's comforting thinking that our loved ones are looking out for us and waiting to welcome us when we stand at death's door.

I, too, am anxious to join my best friend who died 13 years ago this November. I am married, but I fear my husband tires of me. I'm not sure anyone has shown me the love that my best friend did. I miss him everyday still, after all these years.

I can't offer you any definitive answers on the afterlife, but I can say to you with relative certainty that if there is a Hell, you don't belong there. I can sense the love in your heart. Hell isn't for people like you.

i always get signs from that person around their birthday, or around their death-aversery. it's comforting in a way.. i feel like they must be out there if i'm still getting signs.. and even when i don't ask for a sign- i get one.
i am so sorry for your loss. losing someone that close is so difficult, grief is the hardest thing to experience. i guess it's impossible to stop missing a loved one once they're gone. i'm in a serious relationship and at one point was engaged to my partner, but things turned very sour for us and we called it off- and of course, we're back together.. again.. and now things are going bad.. again. because i'm stupid. i seriously think i just try to punish myself and am so desperate for love and to express love that i just can't stop. i can already sense that my partner is beginning to resent me massively.. and my emotions are so flip-flopping. like, one second i think "god, they hate me so i should hate them back" then it's "god, they hate me but i love them so much" and i can't break the cycle.
i'm a person full of love with no where to let it out since my partner acts like they hate me sometimes and i get scared half to death of them due to past abuse.. and being so full of love has brought me so much pain. i hope that with all the love in my heart, and all the pain i've been through because of it, i go somewhere nice after death. thank you for your kind comment to my post, kind people like you give me a little faith in the world again, and i'm sure that when the time comes, you'll get to see your best friend again

 

[RC90]

Dunno if heaven exists, but I wish something better Would wait for us after this. I just hope it's not reincarnation. As I don't wanna come back to this earth.

 

[tsuina]

Dunno if heaven exists, but I wish something better Would wait for us after this. I just hope it's not reincarnation. As I don't wanna come back to this earth.

i wish so too... i wouldn't mind reincarnation as a lazy house cat or something though, to be honest. might be a comfy life with a brain as simple as a cat, able to sleep all day, with no responsibilities. but i certainly wouldn't want to be reborn as a human, humans suck. the human experience sucks.