I want to hurt my ex

[claraisnotcarol]

okay so, first of all, I don't want to hurt her physically by all means. I've been a couple months obsessed with her.

she and I met at our directing and acting degree, I was her director. we ended up together and in a couple months my bpd started hitting in our relationship. it became extremely toxic for a year. drugs, cheating, self harm, attempts etc. that was two years ago. I was even with another girl after (again, the other girl hates me because I ruined her life)

now I'm with a boy that loves me very much and I should be happy I know that! but two years later of toxic ups and downs, my ex told me she wasn't over me, that she couldnt see me with anyone else so she blocked me.

I understood, but I became progressively obsessed. I started self harming again, trying to contact her like a psycho, starting to hate her, wishing her the worst. I want to talk to her to say the most hurtful things that I can say. I even want to ctb an leave a hateful letter just for her so she lives with guilt for "leaving me"

why would I want to do that? she did nothing wrong. I'm sick of this. im sick of bpd. I feel so evil.

 

[drainedguy32]

Hey, sorry for this kind of offtopic. I saw ur message about Spanish people, I'm new here. Could u send me a pm? I'm trying and I can't find it :(

 

[Roseate]

I'm sorry that sounds really tough. I can imagine. Do you have tools in place for these kind of moments?

 

[claraisnotcarol]

Hey, sorry for this kind of offtopic. I saw ur message about Spanish people, I'm new here. Could u send me a pm? I'm trying and I can't find it :(

hey! it doesn't let me for some reason (I'm kinda new too) I keep trying!

 

[claraisnotcarol]

I'm sorry that sounds really tough. I can imagine. Do you have tools in place for these kind of moments?

we'll, if I think rationally, it's good that she lives in another city. it's just next to mine, a thirty minutes ride, but I don't drive and it's not so easy to see her or go near the places where she usually goes.
so, it kinda keeps me more sane I guess. if I saw her at the street I wouldnt know how to cope, even if I had tools

 

[LonelyKitten]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this.
It's tough, I know how intense this can get with seeking an ex's attention myself.
Can you get rid of things that reminds you of her, delete contact information? (sorry if you don't want suggestions)
Is there anything you can perhaps focus on, draw your attention away from your ex?

At least it sounds like your current relationship is much healthier, that's nice!

Maybe you could plan some kind of nice event together with your current partner, replace your negative thoughts about the ex, with the positive new memories?

I hope you can find some relief from your current feelings

hey! it doesn't let me for some reason (I'm kinda new too) I keep trying!

The user you're speaking too is likely too new or has too few messages.
It takes a bit to get permissions.
Might be that your account is still too fresh age wise, too, though you should have enough posts.

 

[drainedguy32]

hey! it doesn't let me for some reason (I'm kinda new too) I keep trying!

I think there's a waiting time for newbies like us or we have to reach a specific number of interactions( I just registered yesterday). I'll pm u asap, hope u are doing well :)

 

[claraisnotcarol]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this.
It's tough, I know how intense this can get with seeking an ex's attention myself.
Can you get rid of things that reminds you of her, delete contact information? (sorry if you don't want suggestions)
Is there anything you can perhaps focus on, draw your attention away from your ex?

At least it sounds like your current relationship is much healthier, that's nice!

Maybe you could plan some kind of nice event together with your current partner, replace your negative thoughts about the ex, with the positive new memories?

I hope you can find some relief from your current feelings


The user you're speaking too is likely too new or has too few messages.
It takes a bit to get permissions.
Might be that your account is still too fresh age wise, too, though you should have enough posts.

hey you!
it's actually my first time trying to get rid of the things an ex gave me. I usually keep them because I can't let them go. but lately I've been trying. it's a small step but after days I was able to delete our playlist in Spotify, and now I'm hoping to get the strength to get rid of the pictures, letters etc (or maybe be drunk enough)

thank you 4 the idea, I'm sure he will cheer me up, I don't have to dwell so much on the past

 

[Roseate]

we'll, if I think rationally, it's good that she lives in another city. it's just next to mine, a thirty minutes ride, but I don't drive and it's not so easy to see her or go near the places where she usually goes.
so, it kinda keeps me more sane I guess. if I saw her at the street I wouldnt know how to cope, even if I had tools

That's understandable. Idk much about coping with BPD (if I remember correctly is what I think you said) but I get obsessive and attached, and honestly just try to focus on other things if you can.