jigsaw_falling
if there’s an afterlife i’ll be pissed
- Jan 25, 2023
- 70
i've been feeling so depressive lately. i've fallen behind on classes, my attendance is awful because i can't handle being there mentally. i have no motivation to exercise, which makes me feel so guilty i feel like it's eating me alive. i'm constantly pretending to be okay to my friends, but i can't anymore, and i think i've just accepted the fact that i'm not fun or interesting to be around because of my mental health.
i'm a big procrastinator on work in general, but apart from that i'm generally productive and active, and doing things even when i'm suicidal or struggling.
but now i don't want to anymore, i don't have the energy to be productive and it's fucking awful because that's all that kept me going. i hate feeling stagnant and lazy and i'm so disgusted with myself and i feel like i'm just sinking deeper into hating myself more and more. i didn't know it was possible to despise myself more than i do now.
i've been binge eating for days now, which fucks with my ed and body dysmorphia, and now i don't have the energy to purge or to burn it off through exercise. i've never felt so useless in my life and i want to die.
my problems feel so stupid, but the hatred i have towards myself is so strong that i want to rip my skin off sometimes. i'm so full of anxiety all the time that i breakdown daily, and haven't felt like it able to breathe in months. and now i think my friends and people i care about, i'm pushing away, because i'm just such a fucking loser to be around.
i don't have the courage to ctb, and have nothing ready or planned at all yet, but at this point i'm just so desperate. i might just give up on my plan of doing a "halfway" attempt and just take every pill in the house to out of desperation.
i'm a big procrastinator on work in general, but apart from that i'm generally productive and active, and doing things even when i'm suicidal or struggling.
but now i don't want to anymore, i don't have the energy to be productive and it's fucking awful because that's all that kept me going. i hate feeling stagnant and lazy and i'm so disgusted with myself and i feel like i'm just sinking deeper into hating myself more and more. i didn't know it was possible to despise myself more than i do now.
i've been binge eating for days now, which fucks with my ed and body dysmorphia, and now i don't have the energy to purge or to burn it off through exercise. i've never felt so useless in my life and i want to die.
my problems feel so stupid, but the hatred i have towards myself is so strong that i want to rip my skin off sometimes. i'm so full of anxiety all the time that i breakdown daily, and haven't felt like it able to breathe in months. and now i think my friends and people i care about, i'm pushing away, because i'm just such a fucking loser to be around.
i don't have the courage to ctb, and have nothing ready or planned at all yet, but at this point i'm just so desperate. i might just give up on my plan of doing a "halfway" attempt and just take every pill in the house to out of desperation.