Help I want to get better but I feel stuck on certain thoughts

[erlendl03]

I'm trying to stick around for my family but there are certain things I keep coming back to. Mainly that the world feels like a terrible place and my existence is contributing to that. For example, climate change. I don't believe this will be solved before it's too late and what is the point of continuing to live if the world will become even more terrible? But I don't have the energy or willpower to do things like recycle or live responsibly.

The thoughts I have feel a lot like the ones I had as a teenager - that life is pointless and everything is meaningless so why not die. I eventually came to the conclusion that meaning is something you have to create for yourself and thought I was happy with that. But nowadays I feel like I lack the capacity to create any kind of meaning, and to do so is irresponsible and just burying my head in the sand when so many people are suffering.

I think thoughts like this should make me want to help people but they just make me want to die. I don't know how to get past them and I would really like some suggestions. I've told the mh team I'm under about my suicidal thoughts and all the ever say is that I should try to distract myself, but am I supposed to spend my whole life doing that? It doesn't feel like a solution at all.

 

[vesttigeel]

I get what you mean... I often find myself in the same situation. Distractions are only temporary, and it can be hard, but think back to your roots and find reasons to live besides your family - then it will be easier to think of them when considering your reasons to live. This can be terribly hard as most of us have lost enjoyment in a lot of things, but find things you enjoy doing or try to find inspiration somehow. Drawing whatever comes to mind usually helps somewhat.
Sending love and good luck