Venting I want to feel human connection.

[milkteacrown]

I've had problems connecting with others from a young age. I desire closeness on an abstract level, but relationships (platonic or romantic) are uncomfortable to me and I have a complete lack of emotional attachment when I try. I don't find people interesting and I also don't feel understood by most of them. The problem is, very rarely, I can find someone I'm attached to (so far, only online—I think it's easier to forget they're human connections that way), but it's only happened a few times in my whole life. I look back on these connections and feel a sense of yearning for them, because they make life a lot more interesting. I'm very interested in media that involves "soulmates" because I so badly wish I had someone like that. Valentine's Day made me think about this subject a lot.

I'm diagnosed with BPD because of my chronic emptiness, but I relate much more to schizoid personality disorder than anything else.

 

[quietism]

Yearning for connection, finding media that describes in great detail what it could be like. Yeah, it's a cruelty. If all you can hold onto are dreams, it's like holding onto an empty experience. I dream for connection, lately I find that really painful when others tell me I should be happy just for the privilege of unsatisfied yearning.

 

[NonEssential]

I dislike Valentine's day, it gives me envy that there are people who have "soulmates".
Most amount of socializing I'm gonna get is talking about our pets with my mother and sister, not really more than that.

 

[milkteacrown]

Yearning for connection, finding media that describes in great detail what it could be like. Yeah, it's a cruelty. If all you can hold onto are dreams, it's like holding onto an empty experience. I dream for connection, lately I find that really painful when others tell me I should be happy just for the privilege of unsatisfied yearning.

Exactly! You took the words right out of my mouth. There's a piece of media I'm into now and I'm almost obsessively fixated on the relationship between two of its characters because of how much I desire something like that. In real life, though, I'm detached and uncomfortable with relationships.

I dislike Valentine's day, it gives me envy that there are people who have "soulmates".
Most amount of socializing I'm gonna get is talking about our pets with my mother and sister, not really more than that.

I got some chocolates for my parents and brother and that was the extent of my Valentine's Day, too. I hope there truly is a "soulmate" out there that will change everything for us.

 

[mikgazer6]

Relatable post. The idea of connection is nice but in practice there is something off.