i want to fall in love

[princessame]

i want to be so in love that it changes my life completely and gives me a reason to push forward. i want to do cute matching cosplays and go to fun events together as my favorite ships, i want to do simple things like play videogames together, or bake, or cuddle.. i just want to love them deeply and truly. i want to be able to trust them completely, to be vulnerable and weak, and know they wont hurt me. so many people i thought i could trust have hurt me so many times, i just want to find that special person that makes me feel otherwise, that helps me heal.
The main thing i really want is for me to actually love them back. theres always ppl who claim to love me, who want me (normally in a physical sense), etc etc but i can never reciprocate. i just want to find someone that makes me feel human.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's always difficult find the "real love". It is possible but the same feeling my not stay forever although you still gonna stay together for the whole life. Real love is possible but it's difficult to find.

 

[Mirrory Me]

You know a friend could just be good as well, some one you can share your interests and passions with. Light that fire up so to speak. But you need to take a step towards it, some how.

 

[Daydream Believer]

Hello Princess Ame, I know exactly how you feel. Falling in love is the most beautiful experience in the universe but more often than not it ends up as the most painful experience in the universe. I have given up, after being betrayed by the one who I believed was true. It broke my mind, tore my heart apart, and murdered my soul, which destroyed me leaving me dreaming of CTB. Will, I ever be tempted again? Probably, because I am a daydream believer. Love and good luck from the Sunshine King who lives alone on a to-die-for tropical island. Although, deep inside, I live in broken hearted hell

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Really hope you can find that someday. I don't know too much about your situation, but I personally believe that love is ultimately a choice. There's a lot of risk involved, and a good chance that you will get hurt. There may be times when you may not "feel" like you love them anymore. But, in the end, none of that really matters, in my opinion. If you choose to love someone, and they choose to love you, then your relationship will last as long as you both stand by those decisions.

To be fair, I'm kind of in a similar situation as yourself - someone who desires such a thing but hasn't really experienced it - so take my words with a grain of salt.

 

[InversedShadow]

I really wish you luck with finding the right person you can feel most comfortable in the world with, somebody you can trust and who will be even in the worse moments, and truly they shall love you for who you are, not what you look like, physical is always something that is sadly much of an indicator for many things in the society, but ultimately, it shouldn't be some main factor in the consideration.
Hopefully you will find such a right person in the future, sooner rather than later and that it will be in fact somebody you can enjoy such sweet things with!

 

[EternalLight]

It's a wonderful thing beyond measure to fall in love and when that love is mutual, but love isn't an omnipotent force, and its loss is agony. If you find it, hold on to it for your dear life.

 

[TheAngelBornInHell]

I haven't fell in love in a really long time, I hope I can regain my motivation for alot of things if I do.

 

[princessame]

thank you all for your kind words and advice and stories, it makes me feel better to know i am not alone in this thought. I mean, I know I am not truly alone on it.. I see videos all the time of people saying they wish romance would be more.. well.. romantic. "The internet has destroyed romance", they say. It scares me a little, that maybe I was born much too late to find a genuine connection. But I like to stay hopeful at least in the slightest bit.
I hope you all get what you wish for as well, and have a wonderful life full of love and connection. I know I do not NEED romance in my life, and I do not put my self worth on whether people are attracted to me or not, but it's something I want to feel. I'm tired of always being admired from afar from people I couldn't care less about. I want to be able to feel human for someone for once, rather than being lusted for like I'm just an object for someone's temporary desires.

 

[Electra]

I understand you so well. I hope you will find this love <3

 

[EternalShore]

it'd be nice~ :) "Love" as this great concept has always felt a bit beyond me, but I do my best to be kind to and care for others~ :) and hopefully, one day, to 1 person whom I love and who loves me in return~ :) I hope you find the same yourself~ :)

 

[SadLoser]

Same, but I doubt it will happen at this point. I'm 24 soon and I came close before to dating but I wasn't even able to achieve that.
Then there's finding someone actually worth spending your life with.
Just doesn't seem realistic for me.
Hope you find some luck, OP.

 

[scottchy]

I've been searching for this for what seems like forever.
I have so much love to give but it just seems like every girl I date use me and never reciprocate what i put in.
My problem is that I stay in those relationships because I'm afraid of being alone.
I think I said this in another post (I can't remember) but there ARE good people out there but either they're already stuck in shitty relationships or are afraid of disappointment and don't put themselves out there.

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

Love can be the most wonderful feeling on Earth when things are going well, but it can feel like torture when the relationship is unhealthy. I'm afraid I loved too much in my life and made myself vulnerable to intense heartbreak. The highs were spectacular, but the lows were so bad I lost the will to live.

 

[scottchy]

Love can be the most wonderful feeling on Earth when things are going well, but it can feel like torture when the relationship is unhealthy. I'm afraid I loved too much in my life and made myself vulnerable to intense heartbreak. The highs were spectacular, but the lows were so bad I lost the will to live.

This exactly

Although, I have only been in 3 relationships i can honestly say that I don't know if I have ever experienced "love".
My first "love" was entrapment plain and simple. She used me for many years and threatened if I wanted to leave.
We eventually ended mutually.
Second, it didn't feel like we were on the same page but I kept trying.
She ended it unexpectedly.
Third is complex. She says she "loves" and acts the part but it seems like when it benefits her.
She's cheated but apologizes and I stayed.

If I didn't have her i could potentially be with someone that makes me happy
Or i could be alone.
The relevent question that crosses my mind is: is it better to try to love and lose than never love at all?

 

[Too_Many_Years]

Love can be amazing but how do we know its love and not just obssession. And when it leaves its agony. Its like dying slowly. I myself no longer know what is love.

 

[hipbonedays]

hey?

 

[princessame]

thanks for all the feedback from everyone
I think love is a very complicated matter, but to me i will know i truly love someone if i can fully trust them. its something they need to prove, after a long time of talking to them and whatnot.. its a complicated matter, maybe the issue is my heart is so guarded? but i also dont want to settle.

 

[The_Hunter]

it'd be nice~ :) "Love" as this great concept has always felt a bit beyond me, but I do my best to be kind to and care for others~ :) and hopefully, one day, to 1 person whom I love and who loves me in return~ :) I hope you find the same yourself~ :)

I can feel you in the confusion of what this great "Love" thing is that everyone raves about. I think it is this, simply.

I believe "Love" is any amount of social gravitation we feel towards others. However intense or faint, however personal or visual it is; I feel all the kinds of love fall easily into this nature. "Love" is the social gravity that holds networks of people together. From the dawn of tribal survival, to our modern systems of friendgroups; love, ultimately, drives it all. It transcends gender, sexuality, societal norms, and ultimately all things we have built on top of it.

A stranger who greets you without need is a form of love. Anyone who legitimately appears glad to see you is a form of love. Whether that be a professor/teacher, to a cashier, or even just someone you know at work or school—if it's an expression of any notion that brings people together, then I interpret that as a form of love.

From the most casual of friends to the most devoted of lovers—from the cohesion of political parties to the warm bonds of local communities; I feel this definition of love encompasses all [it needs to], and I feel that indicative of what love is. All encompassing. And a simple concept, yet so beautifully complex in it's actualization, into the real world.

I consider it a defining aspect of what has allowed humanity to become so successful, amongst all the other flora and fauna of the earth. Ultimately, we were able to reach the technological point we are at today, because we cared for each other. Because we tended to each other's wounds. And shielded each other from the foreign dangers of wild Mother Nature. And what force drove all that, for us to do all that for each other? I think the catalyst for all that work was love, and it continues to inspire us to this very day. In poetry, in hope, and in all matters philosophical and poetic.

Hell, even the word philosophy itself. Philo + sophia. Literally, love of wisdom.

Fascinating... all of it. Hard to understand, yet so interesting to try to do so. Just like humanity itself. I feel it a worthy endeavor to attempt to understand.

~

Omnia vincit amor.
"Love conquers all."

—Virgil​

 

[Sutter]

Tango.

Just my experience with love, when first it shows its effortless and an obsession, the litmus of attraction has already been settled. The deep burning love is a tendered thing. Their ideas, wants, needs, and desires may subtlety be different than yours, sometimes an easy dance at others its a question of meeting on common ground, or actually making a healthy change for a love. The cincher for me was, as the years passed by was still thinking of small things I could do to make her day brighter. Where you continue to enjoy their company and look forward to seeing them after 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. There are rough times, stressful times, but weathered together.

Was fickle for me though, with my longest experience of love, and by fickle it is complex in its own way, requires care. Its not a cat or a dog, not a potted plant, or a screaming child, but it has all the same demands and doesnt take a day off. That was always in my mind the labor of love. Love doesnt just go, it gets killed with one act or many over time. It didnt leave, one of the two or both scattered salt in the fields, and a heavy salting kills what would grow. Its not always the glaring assaults on love, cheating, drinking, verbal abuse, physical abuse, could be apathy or different wants at a later time, or just hurt feelings. Lost mine because I couldnt see what my wife wanted, didnt realize the water she needed, and in my grief had harsh words, and found my self in a field with a bag of salt. So, the love of another is leaving, earned it but I still love her. Still want to do things for her, just help her on her way. In a way, or a half, love is still there but not what it once was. Therein is the gut punch, my first love CTBd, my second is walking away, different in ways but still the same.

Love with all the grief it may bring at its parting was worth a life dragged in gravel, covered in slobbered on gummy bears, and waiting hours to use the bathroom. Takes two to tango and worth the time for a princess to find a prince that wants the same love. Cant really think of anything thats as priceless as a woman's love.

 

[The_Hunter]

Tango.

Just my experience with love, when first it shows its effortless and an obsession, the litmus of attraction has already been settled. The deep burning love is a tendered thing. Their ideas, wants, needs, and desires may subtlety be different than yours, sometimes an easy dance at others its a question of meeting on common ground, or actually making a healthy change for a love. The cincher for me was, as the years passed by was still thinking of small things I could do to make her day brighter. Where you continue to enjoy their company and look forward to seeing them after 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. There are rough times, stressful times, but weathered together.

Was fickle for me though, with my longest experience of love, and by fickle it is complex in its own way, requires care. Its not a cat or a dog, not a potted plant, or a screaming child, but it has all the same demands and doesnt take a day off. That was always in my mind the labor of love. Love doesnt just go, it gets killed with one act or many over time. It didnt leave, one of the two or both scattered salt in the fields, and a heavy salting kills what would grow. Its not always the glaring assaults on love, cheating, drinking, verbal abuse, physical abuse, could be apathy or different wants at a later time, or just hurt feelings. Lost mine because I couldnt see what my wife wanted, didnt realize the water she needed, and in my grief had harsh words, and found my self in a field with a bag of salt. So, the love of another is leaving, earned it but I still love her. Still want to do things for her, just help her on her way. In a way, or a half, love is still there but not what it once was. Therein is the gut punch, my first love CTBd, my second is walking away, different in ways but still the same.

Love with all the grief it may bring at its parting was worth a life dragged in gravel, covered in slobbered on gummy bears, and waiting hours to use the bathroom. Takes two to tango and worth the time for a princess to find a prince that wants the same love. Cant really think of anything thats as priceless as a woman's love.

Damn... such a beautiful write-up. Thank you for your words, and your wisdom, and your experience. It swings from rawly recollective to simply poetic.

I am so, so sorry to hear your first love CTB'd. It wasn't your fault. Maybe she had her own dissatisfactions with other things herself, that you couldn't have known of. But in any case, please don't blame yourself for her death; maybe her course of action would have been taken independent of you regardless.

I really like how to mentioned "even after many years, doing anything I can to make her day brighter". You really do seem like a loving person. Even despite of the sufferings and mistakes you experienced in the trials of love.

That... sort of reminds me of that one poem of this one guy who waters this "hatred tree". I searched it up now, yes this is the one: A Poison Tree by William Blake. The salting of the earth reminded me of this.

A new level of intimacy can really bring a new level of disagreement and capacity to harm each other. It's like the hedgehog's dilemma; the more intimate people get, the more risk of harm we pose to each other. But in the end, not all is fair and love and war, after all; and in the end, we feel grateful to have loved and regretful to have hated.

I hope you are able to help whoever you love in the finest ways possible; whether they are with you or separated.

I wish you the best of luck, I hope your current affairs will go smoothly (if it is a parting, then hopefully a smooth and peaceful parting), and I wish you wonderful love in the future, a love that will grow into a beautiful garden, with sugar and no salt. I really appreciate you taking the time to put out a slice of your life into the world, and share with us. It has been greatly insightful.

 

[The_Hunter]

i want to be so in love that it changes my life completely and gives me a reason to push forward. i want to do cute matching cosplays and go to fun events together as my favorite ships, i want to do simple things like play videogames together, or bake, or cuddle.. i just want to love them deeply and truly. i want to be able to trust them completely, to be vulnerable and weak, and know they wont hurt me. so many people i thought i could trust have hurt me so many times, i just want to find that special person that makes me feel otherwise, that helps me heal.
The main thing i really want is for me to actually love them back. theres always ppl who claim to love me, who want me (normally in a physical sense), etc etc but i can never reciprocate. i just want to find someone that makes me feel human.

I get you wanting to have love as a comfort for all that strains in life. It truly is a beautiful thing; a beautiful blanket, to embrace.

But I want to tell you, that though love is a beautiful thing and an intense short-term cure, that it can't solve everything. It is a fine wine, but no panacea.

I feel your journey of feeling human, of loving yourself, in a way, is a journey that is just as artistically beautiful and meaningful, as loving someone else as well.

The love of friendships, remember it too—the love of friends is like of siblings, intense and reinforcing, the kind of love that is perfect for the gauntlet that is life. Friends are just as important as lovers; if not more. The best lovers are great friends; but great friends may not always be lovers.

It is such a good, such a good catharsis, and so damn relieving, to be vulnerable with people, knowing they will heal you. Truly, it has an immense power to un-fuck people, to talk heart-to-heart with a friend, and let the world out into words, and be able to breathe again, thanks to someone else understanding you. It is beautiful, seek such wonderful friendship out if you can, and I promise you it will be worth it, and will allow you to understand life and it's beauty so much more. Oh, and it's beautiful itself too, of course.

I want to share this quote about Kafka's work with you, as well.

"It's not that students don't "get" Kafka's humor but that we've taught them to see humor as something you get—the same way we've taught them that a self is something you just have. No wonder they cannot appreciate the really central Kafka joke: that the horrific struggle to establish a human self results in a self whose humanity is inseparable from that horrific struggle. That our endless and impossible journey toward home is in fact our home."

—David Foster Wallace

I feel we were meant to befriend others. But I also think, that maybe we were also, meant to befriend ourselves.

To me, anyone who you like to see—and likes to see you—is your good friend, and that, is a truly beautiful and irreplicable thing about humanity.

I wish you all the best. May you have the best of friends in life, and may the best of lovers find you, too. I wish you that you're able to attain greatest of joy from this; and that any loneliness, confusion, or rejection you may know now; can be glossed over in the future, in light of wholesome social fulfillment.

~

"Amicus est tamquam alter idem."
"A friend is, as it were, a second self."
—Cicero

 

[scottchy]

Wow, those were absolutely amazing writeups .
I can feel the gears in my head turning after reading those and I love it. (I LOVE deep thought provoking conversations lol)

I think love is a very complicated matter, but to me i will know i truly love someone if i can fully trust them.

"Love" really is a complicated matter plain and simple and I can completely understand associating it with trust.
Where i feel the subjects becomes complicated is when trust is broken, do you lose love? Does it change? Does it rebuild? Or is it gone and you just continue living life in denial?

Two bits of advice that I've heard and can appreciate, albeit not nearly as deep and complex as mentioned above
-How are you supposed to love or be loved by another person if you don't know how to love or be loved by yourself.
And
-Love is not something that can be earned.
If it's true love then it will be given to you.
If you have to earn it, then it's a debt!
(Secondhandtherapy podcast)