Venting I want to execute my plan sooner

[cowboypants]

I feel so tired. I don't have the energy to go out and deal with people My anxiety has only ever increased as I fell into a depressive phase again and stopped going outside much.

Dad's birthday is in next week although I hate him a lot. I want to wait a few days.

The only silver line is that I can buy or cook any food I want rn. And I love it. That's the only good thing. And I also want try few dishes again before I CTB finally. I feel so weird that I might not exist after it. I think I'm ready for it

 

[3/4Dead]

Anxiety is an ass kicker. I'm glad you're getting to have some of your favorite food though, that really is a silver lining.
Wishing you the best/peace in what you should choose to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[Forveleth]

I feel so weird that I might not exist after it.

This is how I knew I was ready. You stop thinking about the event itself and start thinking about your existence (or lack thereof) afterwards and it evokes a feeling other than fear. When you can get philosophical about your own nonexistence you're good.

What food are you cooking? I keep thinking about "last meals" but I am too lazy to make anything.

 

[Onelegman]

Good luck cowboy! I hope you manage to find happiness once and for all.

 

[cowboypants]

This is how I knew I was ready. You stop thinking about the event itself and start thinking about your existence (or lack thereof) afterwards and it evokes a feeling other than fear. When you can get philosophical about your own nonexistence you're good.

What food are you cooking? I keep thinking about "last meals" but I am too lazy to make anything.

I cook simple dishes but lately I've tried my hand at more complex ones atleast for my experience...biryani, roti (indian bread) which were on my to do list for a while. I made both of it this month. I also made a goat meatball recipe which is my favourite since childhood, it came out really well. I'm gonna make it today as well for the second time.

I usually make sandwiches, fried rice, pasta or pizza. (Need a ready made base). I can easily make variations with them so I don't get bored. Then there are recipes with flattened rice here called poha. I also like a type of potato fry that goes really well with curd rice.

I used to drink juice outside a lot in the past year, this year i got the idea why not freeze the fruits so I don't end up wasting them and have multiple of them at my disposal at the same time. Now I have watermelon, muskmelon, sapota etc sitting in the freezer. The problem tho is my parents aren't happy about me taking over the fridge lol