Help I want to die tonight.

[paroxyical]

I want to ctb tonight. Obviously preferred method would have been SN with antacids antiemetics etc etc but I don't have those and I couldn't even wait a few days and get them shipped coz I still live with parents.

Can't hang myself because I have nothing to tie a ligature to, although can do strangulation probs.

Bleach? Feel like I'd just throw it all up and cause so much of a scene that my parents would check in on me and i'd be alive with serious injuries rather than being able to ctb.

maybe this is impulsive idk but please suggest ways.

 

[bpdandme]

impulsive is never the best way to act on this, have a good rest and look after yourself.

 

[paroxyical]

impulsive is never the best way to act on this, have a good rest and look after yourself.

if i go to sleep i have to wake up. i dont wanna wake up.

 

[Lostandfound7]

This is def an impulsive decision honey..Stay n do some research so u can make an informed decision n so u won't hurt yourself n end up in a worse situation..here for u

 

[faust]

Hello, I think there is no need to rush whether you decide to stay or to go.
I guess, if you want to CTB, yet you don't even have a plan. And if you have no plan, you are not ready.
This means that first of all, you have to understand, if you need this.
Maybe it is simply an impulse and you will get better in a few days.
Please, let us know what is wrong with you and maybe we will be able to help you.
Sending you hugs

 

[one4all]

Have you chekedl the Resource Page?

 

[paroxyical]

Have you chekedl the Resource Page?

sort of, mainly to read about exit bags and SN

Hello, I think there is no need to rush whether you decide to stay or to go.
I guess, if you want to CTB, yet you don't even have a plan. And if you have no plan, you are not ready.
This means that first of all, you have to understand, if you need this.
Maybe it is simply an impulse and you will get better in a few days.
Please, let us know what is wrong with you and maybe we will be able to help you.
Sending you hugs

i have a manipulative family, my bf is 28 years older than me and we talk in secret and we constantly get into arguments and unintentionally make each other want to die despite loving each other so much. abuse. so many mental health disorders. autism and ADD. dysphoria and people being transphobic to me. my exams coming up soon.

my fuckibg exams. if i dont get into uni i will really, actually ctb as soon as possible. i cant live at home any longer. im already at my breaking point and i still have 8 months to go until i might be going to uni.

if i go to uni, things have the slightest potential to change. but every day that im so depressed and anxious is another day i spend unable to get out of bed, which is another day wasted, which means i cant revise and im more and more likely to not get the grades i need. i know im making this out to be a massive deal. it is to me. i need to get out of this house and this area. uni is the quickest way. i need to leave.

 

[one4all]

sort of, mainly to read about exit bags and SN

Then you do know that those take time to prep. As others have stated.. going on impulse is not always the best way to proceed,
To be honest it's up to you to chose your own fate. Each person has their own fears and demons to over come.
EX; If you don't like heights,,then jumping might not be your cup of tea

 

[Soul]

@paroxyical, I'm sorry about whatever has led you to contemplate these things, but "eleventh hour" plans don't tend to work out well, and end up just making your situation worse (eg drinking bleach, which would definitely be wrong and awful and not a way out).

Please take some time to read the Resource Compendium near the top of the forum, which should help you decide what you want to do. If talking helps, people here are very good listeners. x

 

[faust]

sort of, mainly to read about exit bags and SN


i have a manipulative family, my bf is 28 years older than me and we talk in secret and we constantly get into arguments and unintentionally make each other want to die despite loving each other so much. abuse. so many mental health disorders. autism and ADD. dysphoria and people being transphobic to me. my exams coming up soon.

my fuckibg exams. if i dont get into uni i will really, actually ctb as soon as possible. i cant live at home any longer. im already at my breaking point and i still have 8 months to go until i might be going to uni.

if i go to uni, things have the slightest potential to change. but every day that im so depressed and anxious is another day i spend unable to get out of bed, which is another day wasted, which means i cant revise and im more and more likely to not get the grades i need. i know im making this out to be a massive deal. it is to me. i need to get out of this house and this area. uni is the quickest way. i need to leave.

Thanks a lot for sharing your story!
I am glad you found strength to tell us about you.
Well, I think you should not be too anxious about university. And being anxious before exams is not a good idea, you should better concentrate on studies. Many universities have many societies and clubs where you can meet many new friends and you may have some nice opportunities. I lived in an abusive family and was beaten every day before I left my home without money and place to stay. So I think if you are ofc 18 years old, you can try to make a distance between you and your parents (for example, try a new hobby or find a job where your parents won't reach you). 8 months is not so long, you have lived with them all your life...