Help I want to die so badly!

[pikku.tiikeri]

I just want to leave this world. I want to join the love of my life wherever she is now. She left me when her car veered off the road and crashed. It was a while before a passing trucker saw the wreck and called for help. They couldn't save her. She left me forever. She was the only person in the world who truly cared about me.

I cannot overcome her loss. Or my guilt. I feel so guilty for not being with her. I could have saved her, or died with her. At least we would be together now, if I was in that car.

I'm not able to lead a normal life after she left me. I don't care about anything now. I just go to work, come back and sleep. I feel numb. I feel empty. I feel dead inside.

Medicines don't seem to help. I don't feel any better after taking the pills the doc gave me. They just make me sleep more. And have more vivid dreams when I sleep.

I may end up losing my job. I just don't feel interested in working anymore. My boss is kind and empathetic, and she understands my loss. But I'm testing her patience and my colleagues' patience with my lethargy and disinterest. They've been hinting that I'm not doing a good job. I could lose my job. And end up broke.

I just want to die. I want to drive along the same road and crash at the same spot where she crashed. I'll disable the airbags by removing their fuses and relays. I'll unbuckle the seatbelt. I'll crash at a high speed hoping that it will kill me instantly. Will I die if I do so? I hope so. It killed her and I hope to join her wherever she is now.

I'm a coward for not having done so already. I'm a coward for not gathering the courage to do it. I'm a coward for continuing to live. I'm a coward!

 

[FuneralCry]

You are not a coward, suicide is very difficult after all. If it was easier to leave this world, I would already be gone. I'm sorry that you are suffering so much, it must be so devastating what you are going through. This life is very unfair. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.

 

[outrider567]

I just want to leave this world. I want to join the love of my life wherever she is now. She left me when her car veered off the road and crashed. It was a while before a passing trucker saw the wreck and called for help. They couldn't save her. She left me forever. She was the only person in the world who truly cared about me.

I cannot overcome her loss. Or my guilt. I feel so guilty for not being with her. I could have saved her, or died with her. At least we would be together now, if I was in that car.

I'm not able to lead a normal life after she left me. I don't care about anything now. I just go to work, come back and sleep. I feel numb. I feel empty. I feel dead inside.

Medicines don't seem to help. I don't feel any better after taking the pills the doc gave me. They just make me sleep more. And have more vivid dreams when I sleep.

I may end up losing my job. I just don't feel interested in working anymore. My boss is kind and empathetic, and she understands my loss. But I'm testing her patience and my colleagues' patience with my lethargy and disinterest. They've been hinting that I'm not doing a good job. I could lose my job. And end up broke.

I just want to die. I want to drive along the same road and crash at the same spot where she crashed. I'll disable the airbags by removing their fuses and relays. I'll unbuckle the seatbelt. I'll crash at a high speed hoping that it will kill me instantly. Will I die if I do so? I hope so. It killed her and I hope to join her wherever she is now.

I'm a coward for not having done so already. I'm a coward for not gathering the courage to do it. I'm a coward for continuing to live. I'm a coward!

I can relate, but mine died of kidney failure