Method I want to die so badly

[floofhook]

I tried, I really did. I did everything right. I graduated the top of my class. I applied for every job opening I see. I'm hardworking. I believe I'm a good person. I help others with no expectations. Yet my life has been nothing but a continuous let down after the other. I'm so fucking unlucky it's unfair. I see how others just so easily are able to obtain what I struggle so hard to get and I come out with nothing. I even tried praying to every god I know even though I'm an atheist and SURPRISE, nothing. Even when I sleep I see nightmares. The universe must hate me.

I would've done it today but every time I consider attempting I think of my mom and how I can't leave her alone with my shithead abusive excuse of a dad. Or maybe I'm just a coward prolonging the inevitable..

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm not encouraging you to suicide when I say this, I would say it anyway. Please know my tone is not harsh, only factual.

Your mother was with your shithead abusive excuse of a dad before you came along.

If she wanted to be rescued, she would have already allowed you or someone to rescue her or done it herself. At some point she may do it, whether you're alive or not, but it has to come from her, and she has to be the one who makes it happen. She's got to connect with the inner motivation, resolve and power to take the steps and make it happen, even to get outside help; if she can't, that still is outside of your power to change or you would have already.

You didn't cause the situation, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. To think or act otherwise is some crazy making shit, and you have enough shit of your own that maybe you would have the energy to manage if you weren't spending so much mental and emotional effort on something you don't and can't own.

Send a huge, warm, non-codependent, compassionate hug if wanted. It has no use-by date and is reusable.

 

[Moonbounce]

I'm with you. I too graduated within the top of my high school class but it sure didn't get me anywhere. It was partially my own fault, I never took college admissions seriously so that never happened for me and as a result I've been stuck in a never ending limbo out of school and out of jobs with no useful skills.

You're not alone in this, pally. I feel you.

 

[massiveblackhole]

Totally understand how you feel. I have a Masters degree, first class honours, a good well paying job. But i fucking hate it. and i fucking hate people. and im sick of the fact that even if i work my ass off its all for nought - houses in my country are literally over a million dollars if you want something decent in a decent city. living this bullshit life is all so pointless

 

[chrisbate7]

Totally understand how you feel. I have a Masters degree, first class honours, a good well paying job. But i fucking hate it. and i fucking hate people. and im sick of the fact that even if i work my ass off its all for nought - houses in my country are literally over a million dollars if you want something decent in a decent city. living this bullshit life is all so pointless

You must be in Canada

 

[JGT]

Same, done everything possible to be backstabbed by people who don't care about anything or anyone

 

[peacechoice]

This is what I think too. I'm sorry. I totally understand where you are coming from. As a "hardworking" woman. I see myself in you. I know I try so hard to do my best yet it's a losing battle for me. I will get no where. I feel sad for this sad fact. It's a sad fact, but it's a fact.
I don't understand how some people are so blessed with natural talent, Beauty, and intelligence yet I have to work 10x harder for the simple little things. Life definitely sucks man. I don't know why life hates some of us.