Venting i want to die but don’t want to do all the exhausting stuff to be dead

[sevennn]

i just want to die. i don't want to buy anything for it. don't want any methods don't want to go anywhere. i'm not suicidal. i don't crave suicide. i crave just being dead. not suicide. it's because euthanasia is not allowed. that me craving death makes me suicidal. if it was allowed craving death wouldn't make me suicidal. it would just be me exercising my choices in life. that's all. i don't want a suicide. i just want a peaceful death. that's all. all those pro lifers are the ones that create suicidal people in the first place. if euthanasia was available to all adults then there wouldn't be such a thing as wanting suicide. only exercising your human right to die. that's all. suicide is gross in my eyes. because it's painful risky lonely etc. it's an entirely needless human made thing that i detest. i hate it. but no other choice. sigh. it's just the last months of life are so exhausting. thats all. and you come to this conclusion already exhausted. and i'm already like a corpse. it should be easy. and nobody's business. humans are like crabs in a bucket keeping each other inside. crab mentality.

 

[James Sunderland]

I understand what you mean, and it makes perfect sense. It is not a desire to 'end it all' in some dramatic fashion. It is that deep, relentless longing for peace. Right? What this sounds like is feeling boxed in and stuck in an exhaustive cycle where even the notion of trying to find a way out feels like too much. And yeah, it gets frustrating because you do feel that the option of just resting shouldn't be so much of a painful decision that it is.

You have probably been turning this over in your head for a while, and with everything else, it's exhausting. If you're feeling up to talking more about what's been on your mind lately, I'm here to just listen, no judgment.

 

[sevennn]

I understand what you mean, and it makes perfect sense. It is not a desire to 'end it all' in some dramatic fashion. It is that deep, relentless longing for peace. Right? What this sounds like is feeling boxed in and stuck in an exhaustive cycle where even the notion of trying to find a way out feels like too much. And yeah, it gets frustrating because you do feel that the option of just resting shouldn't be so much of a painful decision that it is.

You have probably been turning this over in your head for a while, and with everything else, it's exhausting. If you're feeling up to talking more about what's been on your mind lately, I'm here to just listen, no judgment.

tinnitus worsened. and so many other bad things happened. i feel like i can barely think or blink. and planning suicide when you have a big family. is so exhausting. and you don't want to die but you just can't take the torture of an incurable disease. that is relentless and never stops torturing you every waking second. and only relief is unconsciousness when you manage to fall asleep in your moms bed. because you can't sleep by yourself anymore and you need emotional support every second even while falling asleep or waking up. it's so fucking hard. and i feel as if i have cancer. with the way my life has been. bedbound. homebound (sounds hurt). browsing the web all day. desperate for a hidden treatment or an explanation. but nothing. and it does feel like i'm dying from some terminal disease. but rejoice im not. and that sucks. it's crippled me. and i wish i actually had cancer. terminal. i really wish for it so bad

 

[James Sunderland]

I hear you. It's hard to find words for how much you're suffering, and I can't imagine how exhausting it is to feel trapped by something so relentless. The way you describe it... it makes so much sense that you're reaching this point. When you're dealing with something like tinnitus, it feels like your whole life is hijacked, and it's understandable that the thought of fighting it every second leaves you feeling so drained. The idea of planning something, of holding on for your family, it's a lot to carry on top of everything else.

It's not the noise, is it? It is the fact that it has changed your life so much, making every waking moment a struggle. Of course, it at times may seem like a terminal illness. I almost wish I could take some of that weight off your shoulders, knowing full well there is no cure anywhere, which in itself is frustrating beyond words. Sharing what it feels like, even if it is just the raw reality, can lighten things just a bit. I'm here, and I'm listening. What's been getting you through these moments lately, if anything?

 

[sevennn]

I hear you. It's hard to find words for how much you're suffering, and I can't imagine how exhausting it is to feel trapped by something so relentless. The way you describe it... it makes so much sense that you're reaching this point. When you're dealing with something like tinnitus, it feels like your whole life is hijacked, and it's understandable that the thought of fighting it every second leaves you feeling so drained. The idea of planning something, of holding on for your family, it's a lot to carry on top of everything else.

It's not the noise, is it? It is the fact that it has changed your life so much, making every waking moment a struggle. Of course, it at times may seem like a terminal illness. I almost wish I could take some of that weight off your shoulders, knowing full well there is no cure anywhere, which in itself is frustrating beyond words. Sharing what it feels like, even if it is just the raw reality, can lighten things just a bit. I'm here, and I'm listening. What's been getting you through these moments lately, if anything?

i mask it all the time and bring my phone with me to every room. i wont go into details. so much happened that it hurts to talk about. i want to but i can't even type it. i'm in a lot of pain from all these events. and all my dreams are gone. i feel like an animal now. only death. like a rabid dog that can only be shot. i'm just paralysed from this mental pain.

 

[James Sunderland]

It does sound like you're carrying so much pain right now, more than anyone should have to face. And when things are this heavy, I get why it feels impossible to even put it into words. You're hurting on so many levels, and it's not fair to feel like you've lost your dreams and have to mask this struggle just to get through each day.

You don't need to go into details if it hurts too much; that's okay. But if there's a part of you that just wants to let even a fraction of it out, I'm here. It's not about finding a solution right now, just letting some of that weight out bit by bit. You're not just an animal to be put down, you're a person who's been through way more than anyone should. And that's worth acknowledging, even if it feels like there's nothing left.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Absolutely agree. It's like that statement pro-lifers tend to make- 'suicidal people don't really want to die. They just want the pain to stop.' I'd agree with that in a way. Who actually relishes the process of dying? Presumably, someone that keen on hurting themselves would have already done it. Most of us here are dreading the pain, dreading the fear, dreading the loneliness of having to do something so scary on our own with no clue as to whether it will work. Many of us are afraid of death itself to some extent- the unknowing bit of what comes next.

But, Of course we want the bloody pain to stop! If we were outright masochists, we'd be wallowing in all this! People suicide when they can't get the pain to stop any other way. And it has to be bad to risk a lot of the methods still available to us.

 

[sevennn]

It does sound like you're carrying so much pain right now, more than anyone should have to face. And when things are this heavy, I get why it feels impossible to even put it into words. You're hurting on so many levels, and it's not fair to feel like you've lost your dreams and have to mask this struggle just to get through each day.

You don't need to go into details if it hurts too much; that's okay. But if there's a part of you that just wants to let even a fraction of it out, I'm here. It's not about finding a solution right now, just letting some of that weight out bit by bit. You're not just an animal to be put down, you're a person who's been through way more than anyone should. And that's worth acknowledging, even if it feels like there's nothing left.

i just wish someone could cure me so badly. why isn't this cured i don't understand why someone didn't come up with somethign yet it's so torturous. i can't live like this. i'm so traumatised by this sound i have ptsd from what happened. i'm tired. i want to share but it's truly so painful to talk about everything. i can only bottle it up. and wait till i die so i can let go of this pain. when i cry my tinnitus gets louder so it's like being taunted and tortured and abused by someone in your head all the time. it's like living with an abuser all day long i feel so tired i can't take it anymore. someone said online it's like living in an abusive home and everyday people ask you if the beatings hurt a little less today and if you habituated to them and tell you to do so. because no one is ever coming to help you. and you'll live like this till you die. and you have to be strong enough for your abuser not to kill you. and they will beat you less if you change your attitude and your mind "filters" the pain.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Same, same, same, same, same, same, same!!! I relate to your post so, so much. I also don't want to be dealing with suicide methods. I just want death itself. I never wanted to go through the process of getting death (i.e. dying), all I ever wanted is death. I hate that I have to die in order to achieve death. It's actually so sickening and painful. I wish I could be allowed euthanasia so that I don't have to stress and go through challenges but, no, normies love the idea of challenges and hardship, even for suicide. I hate normies so much and how they brutally regulate death. This act alone has convinced me that humans are the most atrocious, repulsive and cruel species on earth

 

[James Sunderland]

It feels so unfair that something so torturous doesn't have a real cure, and I can't imagine how much strength it must take to go through this every single day. It's like an invisible abuser that never leaves and it's completely understandable to feel so exhausted by it.

You know, you don't have to force yourself to talk about everything if it's too painful. Even just getting out a little bit of what you're feeling could lighten the weight on your shoulders. Sometimes, when we share even just a small piece, it can feel like letting some air out of a pressure cooker. And you deserve that kind of release, even if just a tiny bit. I'll always be here if you ever feel like letting any of it out, no matter how much or how little.

I've been up for nearly 24 hours, I'm sorry if my speech quality is getting worse.

 

[sevennn]

Same, same, same, same, same, same, same!!! I relate to your post so, so much. I also don't want to be dealing with suicide methods. I just want death itself. I never wanted to go through the process of getting death (i.e. dying), all I ever wanted is death. I hate that I have to die in order to achieve death. It's actually so sickening and painful. I wish I could be allowed euthanasia so that I don't have to stress and go through challenges but, no, normies love the idea of challenges and hardship, even for suicide. I hate normies so much and how they brutally regulate death. This act alone has convinced me that humans are the most atrocious, repulsive and cruel species on earth

yes. most are. i hate everyone by now. only conditions that get treated are those that cause death. cancer gets research, and all those other sicknesses that cause death get researched. but my and my friends condition don't (tinnitus and chronic fatigue) - because you won't die from them, just be super miserable. what does this tell us? humans don't care about the quality of life. only the quantity. to suck out resources from each other. to squeeze someone out till they are bone dry. a man in china died from working 104 days straight. it's a sick world.
your so

It feels so unfair that something so torturous doesn't have a real cure, and I can't imagine how much strength it must take to go through this every single day. It's like an invisible abuser that never leaves and it's completely understandable to feel so exhausted by it.

You know, you don't have to force yourself to talk about everything if it's too painful. Even just getting out a little bit of what you're feeling could lighten the weight on your shoulders. Sometimes, when we share even just a small piece, it can feel like letting some air out of a pressure cooker. And you deserve that kind of release, even if just a tiny bit. I'll always be here if you ever feel like letting any of it out, no matter how much or how little.

I've been up for nearly 24 hours, I'm sorry if my speech quality is getting worse.

thank you. and your soeech is great. you should scroll down my page and see my incoherence from how much my brain got fried from this tinnitus if you've been up for 24 hours please drink some tea and go to sleep. listen to some calming sounds

 

[James Sunderland]

yes. most are. i hate everyone by now. only conditions that get treated are those that cause death. cancer gets research, and all those other sicknesses that cause death get researched. but my and my friends condition don't (tinnitus and chronic fatigue) - because you won't die from them, just be super miserable. what does this tell us? humans don't care about the quality of life. only the quantity. to suck out resources from each other. to squeeze someone out till they are bone dry. a man in china died from working 104 days straight. it's a sick world.
your so

thank you. and your soeech is great. you should scroll down my page and see my incoherence from how much my brain got fried from this tinnitus if you've been up for 24 hours please drink some tea and go to sleep. listen to some calming sounds

Haha, thanks for the concern. I try to keep up with the sleep but sometimes the mind doesn't cooperate, you know? I will definetly take your advice and make tea, green tea is usually my favourite. Maybe we can toast to finding a moment of piece, even if it's just a little while.

I scrolled through a bit, and honestly, no judgment here. You're going through a lot, and it makes sense that things would get messy. It's amazing you're even able to put any of it into words

 

[ijustwishtodie]

yes. most are. i hate everyone by now. only conditions that get treated are those that cause death. cancer gets research, and all those other sicknesses that cause death get researched. but my and my friends condition don't (tinnitus and chronic fatigue) - because you won't die from them, just be super miserable. what does this tell us? humans don't care about the quality of life. only the quantity. to suck out resources from each other. to squeeze someone out till they are bone dry. a man in china died from working 104 days straight. it's a sick world.
your so

Touché. Humans only care about the quantity of the species rather than the quality of life of the individual humans. I hate that humans are like this and I'm incredibly sorry for what you and your friend are going through. I hope both of you find peace as quickly as possible

 

[grungy自殺]

We can all wish that death is easy....

But life says: I forbid you from doing it.

Touché. Humans only care about the quantity of the species rather than the quality of life of the individual humans. I hate that humans are like this and I'm incredibly sorry for what you and your friend are going through. I hope both of you find peace as quickly as possible

There's just way too many humans that exist here (on this planet) and the quantity amount would inevitably outweigh the quality of people that are actually trying to be there for one and seriously contribute to so called - society. without breeding a ton of cognitive bias.

 

[sevennn]

We can all wish that death is easy....

But life says: I forbid you from doing it.

There's just way too many humans that exist here (on this planet) and the quantity amount would inevitably outweigh the quality of people that are actually trying to be there for one and seriously contribute to so called - society. without breeding a ton of cognitive bias.

it's also very incredible to be working tirelessly to cure cancer and then from the same part of the world others go to some foreign country and slaughter people. it's like it doesn't make any sense.. basically it's only ok when somebody else decides for you whether you live or die.