I was average to decent looking as a kid. I still had many problems, my parents were abusive back then, I was bullied by peers, and even got a diagnosis of autism. However, life was still bearable back then, I was unpopular in school but still had friends who were also unpopular and had high social status within the group, I didn't have a gf or do anything sexual with girls but there were girls who complimented my face and showed interest in me, which I ignored. I was doing decent academically. People including some teachers thought I was smart and assumed I had potential. I envisioned I would actually be successful as an adult, having a decent paying job, being married and having kids, having friends, and having social experiences like clubbing and partying with friends. All of this was true until the fall of 2013, then everything changed.
Over the course of the summer at the tender age of 16, my face became hideously deformed tier. Since then everything in my life turned to utter shit, my friends started to bully me and eventually cut me off, I could no longer make new friends because people hated me as soon as they saw my face and began to avoid interacting with me. Girls who were nice to me suddenly started giving me the cold shoulder and in group projects they would actually avoid talking to me. I was never complimented for my looks ever again, all the girls checking me out began to give me looks of disgust and avoid interacting with me. I was treated like a creep and made fun off just for existing. Despite all this, I made significant progress and improved my social skills, but it meant nothing because I was ugly. I was treated worse than before when I had 0 social skills.
Still I held on to hope that things would change in college and got into a prestigious program at a state university, which wasn't easy at all, only to be treated the same and sometimes worse. I made a grand total of one friend my first semester while everyone else despised me, eventually we lost contact as well. This was the end of real life social interaction for me 7 years ago, I attempted suicide once that year but failed and assumed things would get better. . During this time my education turned into a shitshow, I dropped out of college, after withdrawing twice for two semesters. I went heavy into online boards only to be treated poorly as well as soon as I showed pictures of my face. Every online friend I have made since has turned out to be a larper and a bully of some sort, I have shown each of them my face and this was the result. Once I even had a long distance girlfriend, who was a complete psychopath and eventually ditched me for some other guy IRL. It's no coincidence that none of these deep friendships and relationships, where I texted and voice chatted for hours every-day generally lasted more than 6 weeks, the longest one so far has been exactly 3 months, generally ending badly due to my looks.
As a solution I underwent cosmetic surgery only to find that it didn't improve me at all significantly and might have even made me look slightly worse. Nevertheless this gave me motivation in the beginning, I underwent many different therapies and overcame my trauma, cognitive issues, depression and anxiety. Initially I started by doing food delivery in my car during the pandemic, I also managed to lose my virginity to an escort only to end up being unable to finish, feeling guilty, disgusted and unhappy with my repulsive face and her disgusted reaction when we were kissing.
Afterwards, I tried my hand at multiple entry level jobs only to find shitty working conditions, due to extreme physical demands or being discriminated for my looks, treated poorly and eventually fired. I attempted qualifications such as coursera certificates, becoming a public notary, gaining volunteer experience, and acing tests for government jobs only to find none of these helped me get a job. In many of these interviews for decent positions (working conditions wise), I was treated poorly by interviewers who responded with disgust and contempt as soon as seeing my face and immediately ghosted me after the interview, despite me answering the questions well. The results speak for themselves, looks matter more to people than anything else, because their perception of you is heavily warped by how you look, unless your face is dead average.
The results of these experiences have made me reluctant to try anything in life, due to realizing I will never be treated fairly based on my skills, accomplishments and personality. Nevertheless, I plan on trying one final hand at gaining an in-demand college certification and a chance at a decent job. I have accepted I am too hideously deformed to date women and won't bother with it anymore, it simply won't be fair to them to have to be seen with a repulsive monstrous looking creature like me. But I doubt anything much will come of it as my motivation has been sapped by this situation out of my control. Every time I go outside I get looks of disgust or contempt, which hasn't even been stopped by me wearing a mask and hoodie everywhere. I would like to move to my native country but this is dependent on my parents who seem hesitant, since there's a component of ethnic phenotype making my face unattractive as well, although it is mostly poor facial harmony, and bad bone structure. While I will still be hideously ugly there, I hope the element of discrimination will lessen there as I would be tall there and masculine looking with a decent body.
Regardless of these considerations it seems quite likely that CTB will be my only option in the end. I can't see any way that a decent quality of life can be achieved with my hideously deformed monstrous face. I hope to livestream a YouTube video and would be thrilled if people watched it as my final wish. While my life will be over by that point, I hope one day unattractive people will have the same opportunities as regular looking people, outside of dating and sex and that cosmetic surgery can be advanced to the point everyone can be made to look attractive.
If you have made it this far reading my life story, I thank you for your patience and consideration.
Over the course of the summer at the tender age of 16, my face became hideously deformed tier. Since then everything in my life turned to utter shit, my friends started to bully me and eventually cut me off, I could no longer make new friends because people hated me as soon as they saw my face and began to avoid interacting with me. Girls who were nice to me suddenly started giving me the cold shoulder and in group projects they would actually avoid talking to me. I was never complimented for my looks ever again, all the girls checking me out began to give me looks of disgust and avoid interacting with me. I was treated like a creep and made fun off just for existing. Despite all this, I made significant progress and improved my social skills, but it meant nothing because I was ugly. I was treated worse than before when I had 0 social skills.
Still I held on to hope that things would change in college and got into a prestigious program at a state university, which wasn't easy at all, only to be treated the same and sometimes worse. I made a grand total of one friend my first semester while everyone else despised me, eventually we lost contact as well. This was the end of real life social interaction for me 7 years ago, I attempted suicide once that year but failed and assumed things would get better. . During this time my education turned into a shitshow, I dropped out of college, after withdrawing twice for two semesters. I went heavy into online boards only to be treated poorly as well as soon as I showed pictures of my face. Every online friend I have made since has turned out to be a larper and a bully of some sort, I have shown each of them my face and this was the result. Once I even had a long distance girlfriend, who was a complete psychopath and eventually ditched me for some other guy IRL. It's no coincidence that none of these deep friendships and relationships, where I texted and voice chatted for hours every-day generally lasted more than 6 weeks, the longest one so far has been exactly 3 months, generally ending badly due to my looks.
As a solution I underwent cosmetic surgery only to find that it didn't improve me at all significantly and might have even made me look slightly worse. Nevertheless this gave me motivation in the beginning, I underwent many different therapies and overcame my trauma, cognitive issues, depression and anxiety. Initially I started by doing food delivery in my car during the pandemic, I also managed to lose my virginity to an escort only to end up being unable to finish, feeling guilty, disgusted and unhappy with my repulsive face and her disgusted reaction when we were kissing.
Afterwards, I tried my hand at multiple entry level jobs only to find shitty working conditions, due to extreme physical demands or being discriminated for my looks, treated poorly and eventually fired. I attempted qualifications such as coursera certificates, becoming a public notary, gaining volunteer experience, and acing tests for government jobs only to find none of these helped me get a job. In many of these interviews for decent positions (working conditions wise), I was treated poorly by interviewers who responded with disgust and contempt as soon as seeing my face and immediately ghosted me after the interview, despite me answering the questions well. The results speak for themselves, looks matter more to people than anything else, because their perception of you is heavily warped by how you look, unless your face is dead average.
The results of these experiences have made me reluctant to try anything in life, due to realizing I will never be treated fairly based on my skills, accomplishments and personality. Nevertheless, I plan on trying one final hand at gaining an in-demand college certification and a chance at a decent job. I have accepted I am too hideously deformed to date women and won't bother with it anymore, it simply won't be fair to them to have to be seen with a repulsive monstrous looking creature like me. But I doubt anything much will come of it as my motivation has been sapped by this situation out of my control. Every time I go outside I get looks of disgust or contempt, which hasn't even been stopped by me wearing a mask and hoodie everywhere. I would like to move to my native country but this is dependent on my parents who seem hesitant, since there's a component of ethnic phenotype making my face unattractive as well, although it is mostly poor facial harmony, and bad bone structure. While I will still be hideously ugly there, I hope the element of discrimination will lessen there as I would be tall there and masculine looking with a decent body.
Regardless of these considerations it seems quite likely that CTB will be my only option in the end. I can't see any way that a decent quality of life can be achieved with my hideously deformed monstrous face. I hope to livestream a YouTube video and would be thrilled if people watched it as my final wish. While my life will be over by that point, I hope one day unattractive people will have the same opportunities as regular looking people, outside of dating and sex and that cosmetic surgery can be advanced to the point everyone can be made to look attractive.
If you have made it this far reading my life story, I thank you for your patience and consideration.
