I want to ctb but i'm afraid

[hosesu]

Afraid of failing and leaving my parents behind. I just know that I needed to end this because my life has nowhere to go. I feel stupid and insecure, I get anxious all the time. I tried to ctb with a buckle belt but my SI stopped me. I don't know how to encourage myself to do this. I just want to rest.
I'm a coward person, I want to be brave for once. I'm just researching on how to do it properly because I was dumb for thinking that I would actually die that night..

 

[pasho25000]

some advice to give you give yourself a few months to see how things are going for you if you don't feel better you could consider it have you seen a therapist for your anxiety?

ps ecuse me english isnt my mother tongue

 

[DesperateOne]

Why force something that you clearly don't want to do/aren't ready for? Try to recover or wait until you are ready.

 

[hosesu]

some advice to give you give yourself a few months to see how things are going for you if you don't feel better you could consider it have you seen a therapist for your anxiety?

ps ecuse me english isnt my mother tongue

I haven't gone to a therapist before. I did try to reconsider it, I waited for a year to see how would things change but i became worse.

Why force something that you clearly don't want to do/aren't ready for? Try to recover or wait until you are ready.

I think i'm ready actually, It's just that i'm guilty because I know I would hurt their feelings. Even so, I still want to disappear,

 

[pasho25000]

you have got nothing to lose go and see therapist

 

[mortuarymary]

Why force something that you clearly don't want to do/aren't ready for? Try to recover or wait until you are ready.

Totally agree

 

[FuneralCry]

Trying to die failing is exactly what I fear as well, I find it cruel how we cannot just choose to easily die in a peaceful way. But anyway I hope that you eventually find peace, best wishes.

 

[PoorYorick]

The parents brought you to this world only to feel better. Or maybe by accident. They didn't do it for you, because life is not giving you happiness. Not everyone succeeds, that's for sure. So I think you are excused. And your parents could have more children, that would be much better for them. I would write all of this in a farewell letter. Just use nice and supportive words. If you believe it, that it's your right to die, SI shouldn't be messing up.

Putting it in other words. What's the point of living just to satisfy your parents? What would they answer if you asked: do you want me to live only to make you happy?

 

[logi3535]

dying isn't something thats easy to do, especially when you're taking your own life, nobody blames you or calls you a coward for not being able to go through with it

it makes me sad seeing posts where people feel so inadequete, i do too, i wish life wasn't so cruel to some more than others, but i suppose thats where "you've been dealt a bad hand" comes from, i hope it all works out for the best for you