I want to be loved

[Sans]

That's it. That's the post.

I just want to be held. I want someone who will hold me as we fall asleep together and someone who will be the first thing I see when I wake up every morning. I want someone who I can go on long walks with and go around driving in the countryside with at night and someone who I could lay down with in a field and kiss in the moonlight.

I wish I had someone to give my life meaning. Perhaps then I would be inspired to not CTB.

But... well... life is unfair. And life will never be fair. and nobody will ever give my life meaning.

why do I even bother? I'm just a disappointment waiting to happen. I'm trying to stave off the inevitable. if I CTB'd now it would save my family a lot of time and money.

I need a rope... or a miracle.

 

[cyan]

I feel the same. That elusive, dreamy, someon-who-isn't-out-there but I long for.... it's pretty lonely and sad, being alone and without that innate need. It's a basic human desire to want connection and love, but some of us unlucky souls never find it. At least we have courage (almost) to ctb.

 

[Sans]

I feel the same. That elusive, dreamy, someon-who-isn't-out-there but I long for.... it's pretty lonely and sad, being alone and without that innate need. It's a basic human desire to want connection and love, but some of us unlucky souls never find it. At least we have courage (almost) to ctb.

I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this. My body is fucked up, which means most people (as much as they don't want to admit it) are going to look the other way if I were to ever admit my feelings for them. I feel like a fucking monster that no one wants to be around. simply put, I don't belong in this world. I'm thinking I can go on for maybe five years at the very most, waiting for a miracle.

 

[Diesel_Punk]

At least for me it is better to know that the amount of people affected by me ctb is going to be minimised. I've been in a relationship in the past and that experience pretty much confirmed just how far gone I actually am.

Being alone sucks but at least I am not willfully dragging someone I love down with me.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

When l CTB No one will even know it's happened! My body will lay in my flat wherever I fall and decompose and rot and bloat and Stink until someone notices the foul stench eminating from my flat and the council are called and some poor unfortunate soul will have the unenviable task of smashing down my flat door and finding what's left of my rotted corpse? Fuck l feel so sorry for that poor person unless it's a P.I.G-if it is HA HA HA BASTARD'S!!! I hope l haunt you for the the rest of your PIG life!!! The thing that bothers me the most is that l have No-one who's willing to step up and take responsibility for the 2 urns with the ashes of my 2 Dog's in them and My ashes as l would like for my ashes and my 2 Dog's ashes to be scattered at the same location, where l don't care! Just want all 3 of us to be released at the same place and time! That simple act will have shown me more love and compassion than l ever received in this curse of a existence! But alas there is No-one willing to step up and do me this one last act of Kindness!!!

 

[hatelife]

Thread starter, yeah me too

At least for me it is better to know that the amount of people affected by me ctb is going to be minimised. I've been in a relationship in the past and that experience pretty much confirmed just how far gone I actually am.

Being alone sucks but at least I am not willfully dragging someone I love down with me.

What u mean? How far gone? Yeah me too, Im having trouble just keeping sane and My thoughts in check, to Read n write online or event watch teve

 

[Xaxysh]

i relate a lot man, i've been looking for love for years.
got a compliment once and nothing else

 

[hatelife]

i relate a lot man, i've been looking for love for years.
got a compliment once and nothing else

Maybe you and thread starter If they are the gender and age you want can start talking we can have online dates on here everybody

 

[Xaxysh]

Maybe you and thread starter If they are the gender and age you want can start talking we can have online dates on here everybody

nah tbh, i gave up some time ago
also probably won't be alive for long anymore so
thanks for trying though haha :)

 

[Marktheghost]

I feel the same. :-(

 

[Amumu]

I also dreamt about a romantic relationship when I was 18-19 but now I'm older I don't care anymore.

I don't know if it's cynicism, depression or both, but I don't believe in love anymore.

I assume you've already tried to ask some people if you make this thread, but if not, you should keep searching for your beloved.

 

[Diesel_Punk]

What u mean? How far gone?

I hardly eat, don't get up unless it's absolutely necessary. Also, I have a rope next to my bed and I'm pretty much waiting for the right mindset to put it to use. I wouldn't want anyone whom I love to witness this...

 

[logan]

A loving partner is a gift.
But even more important is to find peace and love within yourself.
Because a partner can leave you.
If you base your well-being only on it, the suffering is pre-programmed.

 

[Neowise]

A relationship can hit you any time. Sometimes with someone you'll expect it the least, like a friend for example. And there is never a "too old".
I understand how you feel and that it's hard to be alone. But I wish you all the best and hope for you to find the love you guys deserve :)

 

[hahabye]

I'm sorry to read that you feel like a monster that no one would ever like to date...

I often feel the same, craving love, affection and praise. Coming up with fake scenarios in my head about how good it could be. But that's where it ends.

Because at the same time I use impossible standards to prevent myself from the possibility of ever finding anyone close to being "good enough" for me. And at times this makes me feel like I'm undateable as well. Whereas the reality is that I just don't let anyone close enough.

So I hope you're not doing the same thing to yourself. And just keep in mind that you can never know what somebody else might see in you. There are always people who see past the looks and love the person that you are inside. Don't lose hope.

 

[WornOutLife]

Awww you're so cute!!

I hope this goddamn universe finds somebody for you!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be awful constantly yearning for something we don't have, it can send us into despair feeling like there is something missing from our lives.
I'm naturally introverted though and I see other people just to be not worth it and disappointing. The less people there are around the easier it is to make the decision to ctb, as the more others there are to leave behind, the more agonizing it is, having the desire to die. I hope you find some relief as it must be painful.

 

[logan]

Ideally, we rest in ourselves, love ourselves and can also be happy alone.
But we are also social creatures and long for family, partners and friends.
It always becomes problematic when we seek happiness with another person or when our happiness depends on another person.
That is one of the biggest challenges - and I have not been able to do that until now.

 

[Red]

Love is strange and hides from those that seek it; sometimes wanting something so badly serves to push it farther away

As someone previously mentioned, there's never a "too fucked", "too old" or even "too ugly" - I always marvelled at the calibre of creature that not only managed to pair up but to even manage cheating on each other on programmes like Jeremy Kyle

OP you obviously are a romantic at heart and deserve to be able to share and receive the love that's bursting out from inside you! Give yourself a break and relax about the whole thing and it'll come one day, usually when you least expect.

My fella was lost and lonely when we met, he said he'd been looking for love for years and had only recently given it up for lost when we met and quickly got together. He was so nervous and terrified of doing something wrong bless him, scared of losing the thing he'd sought for so long! After a lot of reassurance and trial and error, he settled down and has become the best boyfriend I've ever had…

We've been together nine years and are getting married in a couple of months.

There are so many different people out there there's bound to be at least one suitable for you, especially because you seem so loving

 

[The Mute Viking]

This hurts so fucking badly.
I'm sure a lot of us can resonate with this feeling, love.
Some of us just wont' get to experience the bliss of this event.

I'm so sorry komrade.