I want to be good

[wildflowers1996]

I really don't like myself as a person. Part of me wants to just dedicate my life to easing the suffering of others - and yet I don't do anything. Is it because I don't care enough or because I feel like I can't really make a difference or because I'm scared I'll make things worse somehow?
Sadly I think it's because I'm selfish. I know I can never be happy - so it's hard to force myself to do things I find unrewarding. Because I don't enjoy helping people - that's the wrong word. I find the process of it boring. It feels nice maybe after I've helped someone? And I'll do some things for my family out of love - but I don't enjoy it if that makes sense.
I feel like I take more than I give and I owe so much more to others. I don't want to be the person who does nothing for people because people deserve to be cared about. I feel like I should love others enough to force myself to live an unhappy life and just do everything I can do to help people and I just - don't. There are so many charities out there filled with compassionate people and I don't know why I don't get involved. I think it's partly because I feel overwhelmed knowing I can never fix everything for everyone but also that view is illogical because doing something good is better than nothing. I want to stop being selfish but I don't know how.

 

[derpyderpins]

I think it's nice that you want to help others. One thing I've noticed is that even while I'm anhedonic, being nice to someone else never feels bad.

But, it's okay to struggle with getting started. We have to take care of ourselves first, you know? Put on your own mask before helping someone else. It's tough because being charitable is often given as a potential treatment for depression but when you're depressed it is hard to get started.

I'd say start with little things. Smile at people. Be extra-patient if someone makes a mistake (doesn't require you to actively do anything, yet it makes a huge difference for them.) Maybe spend some time on here just giving people a bit of support, even if there isn't much detail. Just getting a reaction and a quick line can feel really good when you're looking to connect.

 

[kyhoti]

If you feel overwhelmed with it, start small and easy. Volunteer at a pet shelter, take a shift at a homeless kitchen, heck, just grab a plastic grocery bag and pick up the litter that you find while out on a stroll. Nothing earth-shaking or life-changing, just being a non-shitty inhabitant of this little blue dot in space. Best of luck.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Just seeing your post here sometimes can comfort people.