I want to be alone but not be lonely

[BeforeYouFallAsleep]

I want no one around me but at the same time someone who actually cares and wants to be around me

I know in order to get better I have to put the work in, but I don't have the energy for it

And even if i did, I feel like a shell of my former self

Someone that has lost himself

I know I had happy moments before but they just seem like the memories of someone else who isn't coming back

I am drowning even though I know how to swim

I am afraid to fail but can't be productive

I don't want to try anymore

just sleep