Venting I want nothing more than to be gone, but i don’t want to break my mothers heart.

[corpsebridesmaid]

I couldn't imagine how me going would affect my family. I know it would ruin them. And i know how selfish it would be if i made the decision to go through with this. My mothers dad just died and she wasn't even exactly close to him, it still destroyed her. Me and her are super close and i see her as a best friend which makes the thought of her going through this twice breaks my heart.
I wish there was a 3rd choice other than ctb or living. Life just feels like an endless path that i can't quite get through. That's how i've been feeling lately. I've started writing notes that i couldn't finish. I've made plans to detach myself from family in hope that it makes the grief a little easier on them. But whenever i'm actually about to go through with it, i always goes back to her and how heartbroken she would be.
My pet died today, i have exams that i definitely wont pass, my friends treat me like nothing, my father has never even cared enough to tell me that he loves me. It just feels pointless to keep going other than her. Does that really make me a bad daughter?

 

[Ethernatuskoi]

I'm in the same situation as you. If I go ctb my family will be completely destroyed, but I think this is inevitable and everyone will have to face the pain of death someday, be it early or late. It would be much easier to do this if I had a family that didn't care about me. Anyway, probably in the middle of the year (or before) I won't be here anymore, I'm just taking care of some pending matters before ctb, I just hope I don't chicken out when it's time to do it

 

[jjnsjso44458]

I know what you're going through and I'm so sorry you're having to experience all this. I recently lost my dog and saw how my mom reacted to that, and thought of how she would react if I took my life. That's the only thing keeping me from killing my self, but I'm miserable and every day keeps getting harder even though I try to hide it. You are not a bad daughter. You are going through something painful. I'm sorry that you lost your pet. It's hard. Sending love and well wishes to you

 

[hana0]

Sorry you're going through this. I also worry about my family and how they will cope with my death. Depression runs in my family. My dad had depression in his 20s, my brothers all have a history of depression, one of them had a suicide attempt when he was a teen. I'm worried my suicide will affect them. But I also know that I'm a burden to them, I believe they'll be better off without me. It's definitely a tough choice to make.
I just know that if I'll decide to ctb, I'll leave a long note explaining everything so that at least they'll have some answers to why I did it.