Venting i want my dad

[Life_and_Death]

but hes nothing more then a disappointment. if you really loved me then you wouldnt put me last after 4 others. 2 arent even your biokids and the other 2 havent been missing for 18 years....why cant you at least be honest because your actions dont even come close to matching your words

 

[Sinkinshyp]

but hes nothing more then a disappointment. if you really loved me then you wouldnt put me last after 4 others. 2 arent even your biokids and the other 2 havent been missing for 18 years....why cant you at least be honest because your actions dont even come close to matching your words

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know talking to those we love about how we feel is hard or they're just not receptive to what we are saying. Is it possible to write him a letter with ALL your feelings- knowing if you give it to him it could make or break that relationship? At the very least how you feel will be on paper, sometimes it helps us to look at that or just write it out. You can mail it to him when you feel it's the right time or not at all

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know talking to those we love about how we feel is hard or they're just not receptive to what we are saying. Is it possible to write him a letter with ALL your feelings- knowing if you give it to him it could make or break that relationship? At the very least how you feel will be on paper, sometimes it helps us to look at that or just write it out. You can mail it to him when you feel it's the right time or not at all

hes in another province because my mother moved me away, but we talk on facebook. i told him and his gf that i just dont feel like family but nothing changed

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I was a single mom of 2 sons. I don't know how provinces work. Can you mail to your dads house? I dont know if you would feel comfortable writing how you feel than reading it back to them on facebook or typing it to them

 

[Life_and_Death]

I was a single mom of 2 sons. I don't know how provinces work. Can you mail to your dads house?

provinces, states. same concept its just a different section of the country i guess.

i facebook him. well he facebooks me. but we only share about 3 messages in total every 3-4 months. i tried facebooking him once to say i miss him but whenever we talk he just doesnt seem to care the way i think a dad should i guess. its really disheartening so i just dont bother talking to him. its upsetting because he knows his ex and her new thing (my stepdad) treated me poorly and he knows i have serious mental disorders but he cant even set aside time to talk to me. so hes completely out of the loop now and i just tell him im fine.
he was talking about visiting but im glad covid stopped him. i dont want to see him

 

[Sinkinshyp]

provinces, states. same concept its just a different section of the country i guess.

i facebook him. well he facebooks me. but we only share about 3 messages in total every 3-4 months. i tried facebooking him once to say i miss him but whenever we talk he just doesnt seem to care the way i think a dad should i guess. its really disheartening so i just dont bother talking to him. its upsetting because he knows his ex and her new thing (my stepdad) treated me poorly and he knows i have serious mental disorders but he cant even set aside time to talk to me. so hes completely out of the loop now and i just tell him im fine.

I'm 48. Not sure how old you are. I'm so very sorry your mom and step dad treated you poorly. Sometimes us parents don't understand unless it's detailed out for us. Unless he has had to deal with depression anxiety being treated how you have- he doesn't know how it feels. Personally, I would take a pen and paper. Start writing you might have to go through 5-10 attempts because you'll start writing and it wont be right. Make a letter- Dear Dad and so and so I'm writing to let you know.... and down to the last detail write out how you feel- why - and what it makes you feel like. Do you know mom and so and so did this to me and it made me feel and all I wanted was you to be there. At the very least- you'll have your feelings out on paper. When you feel comfortable you can mail it to him. You can even type it out on a computer and mail it bit by bit in facebook.

My older son was a great communicator. He would talk to me about life, girl friends what was going on. He was great at making it simple for me and I gave my input. My younger son though- wow he would come home from school. I knew something was wrong by how he acted. I would have to ask 100 different ways how was your day, what happened today, did you have fun today etc... and finally I broke the code to the lock and he would tell me what was upsetting him..but I would get 100 I'm fines, nothing happened, I didn't learn anything.

 

[Life_and_Death]

21. and he has depression himself buuuut i have a personality disorder, just about every anxiety, dissociation, ptsd, cptsd, and a few other random things (so totally not putting anyone down with this its just "im depressed" and "my brain is really mentally fucked up" all im really doing is trying to explain the difference between my father and i) so he gets it....i think.....plus his gf says she has depression too but whenever i talked to them i got some lame prolife answer of bs. yeah seems like you get it....

 

[Sinkinshyp]

21. and he has depression himself buuuut i have a personality disorder, just about every anxiety, dissociation, ptsd, cptsd, and a few other random things (so totally not putting anyone down with this its just "im depressed" and "my brain is really mentally fucked up" all im really doing is trying to explain the difference between my father and i) so he gets it....i think.....plus his gf says she has depression too but whenever i talked to them i got some lame prolife answer of bs. yeah seems like you get it....

I'm so sorry hun. I have depression and anxiety my whole life due to abuse for the first 17 yrs alive. My older son died in a car accident 3 years ago and it killed me. Now I have ptsd and grief disorders with major depressive disorder and anxiety. If I was able to see a psychiatrist I'm sure there would be more. As a teenager they labeled me with mixed personality disorder. I was quite mixed up as a teenager and in and out of psych hospitals. I did out grow my self harm and impulse CTB tries when I had cancer at 18. When I had my older son at 20 I had the first light and found love in my life. I truly was able to LIVE while my son was alive. There is a difference between being depressed- and being DEPRESSED. I've been there as a teen and am HERE since my son died. The only way to have them understand is explain it to them. Saying "my brain is really mentally fucked up" - they wont understand. I hope you are on a computer this is hard to read on a phone all my long posts. I know it's hard to explain how... we feel. Sometimes there are no words that can. There is just to many things we feel all at once twisted all up inside like a tornado. Start with the first thing you feel- maybe dad I feel like you don't really care because you don't call me. Dad, I needed you because mom and so and so would beat me up and I was so scared when it happened. I just wished you would have taken me away. I know you are depressed Dad and I was to when I was 12 but this and this happened and and its like comparing a thunder storm to a hurricane.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm so sorry hun. I have depression and anxiety my whole life due to abuse for the first 17 yrs alive. My older son died in a car accident 3 years ago and it killed me. Now I have ptsd and grief disorders with major depressive disorder and anxiety. If I was able to see a psychiatrist I'm sure there would be more. As a teenager they labeled me with mixed personality disorder. I was quite mixed up as a teenager and in and out of psych hospitals. I did out grow my self harm and impulse CTB tries when I had cancer at 18. When I had my older son at 20 I had the first light and found love in my life. I truly was able to LIVE while my son was alive. There is a difference between being depressed- and being DEPRESSED. I've been there as a teen and am HERE since my son died. The only way to have them understand is explain it to them. Saying "my brain is really mentally fucked up" - they wont understand. I hope you are on a computer this is hard to read on a phone all my long posts. I know it's hard to explain how... we feel. Sometimes there are no words that can. There is just to many things we feel all at once twisted all up inside like a tornado. Start with the first thing you feel- maybe dad I feel like you don't really care because you don't call me. Dad, I needed you because mom and so and so would beat me up and I was so scared when it happened. I just wished you would have taken me away. I know you are depressed Dad and I was to when I was 12 but this and this happened and and its like comparing a thunder storm to a hurricane.

ill admit.....its a little scary that you picked out things that happened that i never said here lol. my mother was physically abusive. my stepfather less so, although he did sometimes with him it was more of an emotional abuse. and the initial trigger was the month before my 11th bday when they kicked my grandfather out of my life. although it was like the depression was dormant for 3 years because when i started high school i had suicidal idealization, cutting, smoking, doing drugs, cheating, skipping classes until i got kicked out in gr11. it was almost like i skipped being depressed and went straight to "nope cant do it"
i have a therapist appointment today (its a new one) maybe after a few sessions if im liking her i can talk to her about it to help me approach the situation better. maybe even see about having a video call with my dad so he can be there too (in a way) and have a better understanding. lets get the therapist to understand first though lol

 

[Sinkinshyp]

ill admit.....its a little scary that you picked out things that happened that i never said here lol. my mother was physically abusive. my stepfather less so, although he did sometimes with him it was more of an emotional abuse. and the initial trigger was the month before my 11th bday when they kicked my grandfather out of my life. although it was like the depression was dormant for 3 years because when i started high school i had suicidal idealization, cutting, smoking, doing drugs, cheating, skipping classes until i got kicked out in gr11. it was almost like i skipped being depressed and went straight to "nope cant do it"
i have a therapist appointment today (its a new one) maybe after a few sessions if im liking her i can talk to her about it to help me approach the situation better. maybe even see about having a video call with my dad so he can be there too (in a way) and have a better understanding. lets get the therapist to understand first though lol

Again, I am so so sorry for the abuse you went through- ALL of it. You can pm-im whatever it's called me if you want to so we can chat. I don't know if you can friend someone on this or how it works. My father was mentally and physically abusive to my, my mom and brother. My mom was very loving when I was a child until I was 15. Serial killers most had mother issues. I watch documentaries on them. I think when a mother abuses a child it does a LOT more damage than when it's a father. I posted this before: a womans body is created to protect her child. If she say doesn't eat because she is sick while pregnant her body will feed the child in her womb and starve her body. Her body will kill her to save the child. A baby in her womb 2 heart beats as one. A mother is supposed to be loving, nurturing, caring and so much more. I find it ironic- I am a mother who wants to CTB because my son is dead. I just want my child so bad. I believe in my afterlife we will be reunited. There are so many people here that have issues from a bad mother. I wish I could hug each and everyone, stroke your hair and tell you YOU are loved and everything will be ok. It would help me and help people... I will pray (yes I do that) your new therapist is going to be someone you can really talk to. I hope your father will be able to understand how you feel and be there for you in a positive way. My son is dead- I will NEVER hug him or tell him good night buddy I love you to hear good night mom I love you to. There isn't a way to fix what broke me... if I can help ANYONE with what I went through in life- and their circumstances could get better I want to help while I am here before I CTb... I plan to go October 13 the day my son died.. Good luck with your therapist today I really hope you like her and I hope she can help you! YOU are loved

 

[Life_and_Death]

Again, I am so so sorry for the abuse you went through- ALL of it. You can pm-im whatever it's called me if you want to so we can chat. I don't know if you can friend someone on this or how it works. My father was mentally and physically abusive to my, my mom and brother. My mom was very loving when I was a child until I was 15. Serial killers most had mother issues. I watch documentaries on them. I think when a mother abuses a child it does a LOT more damage than when it's a father. I posted this before: a womans body is created to protect her child. If she say doesn't eat because she is sick while pregnant her body will feed the child in her womb and starve her body. Her body will kill her to save the child. A baby in her womb 2 heart beats as one. A mother is supposed to be loving, nurturing, caring and so much more. I find it ironic- I am a mother who wants to CTB because my son is dead. I just want my child so bad. I believe in my afterlife we will be reunited. There are so many people here that have issues from a bad mother. I wish I could hug each and everyone, stroke your hair and tell you YOU are loved and everything will be ok. It would help me and help people... I will pray (yes I do that) your new therapist is going to be someone you can really talk to. I hope your father will be able to understand how you feel and be there for you in a positive way. My son is dead- I will NEVER hug him or tell him good night buddy I love you to hear good night mom I love you to. There isn't a way to fix what broke me... if I can help ANYONE with what I went through in life- and their circumstances could get better I want to help while I am here before I CTb... I plan to go October 13 the day my son died.. Good luck with your therapist today I really hope you like her and I hope she can help you! YOU are loved

i personally believe that although your son isnt with you physically that he is still with you in spirit, kinda like unfinished business. im sure he misses you and if he had the voice to tell you he would.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

i personally believe that although your son isnt with you physically that he is still with you in spirit, kinda like unfinished business. im sure he misses you and if he had the voice to tell you he would.

thank you so much sweetheart. I KNOW he is with me in spirit. I have pictures of his name in the clouds with a face above the J in his name. Than hearts with MOM in the clouds. I believe I will be with him when I CTB.

 

[Life_and_Death]

thank you so much sweetheart. I KNOW he is with me in spirit. I have pictures of his name in the clouds with a face above the J in his name. Than hearts with MOM in the clouds. I believe I will be with him when I CTB.

may i ask about your younger son? wont he miss you?

 

[Sinkinshyp]

may i ask about your younger son? wont he miss you?

He was 2 months before he turned 17 when Joey died. I lost it, truly did. He turned 18 and 3 months later moved out to my ex inlaws. He lost his brother and mother that day. I will NEVER be me again. He ran from the grief. He might miss me I honestly don't know. I love him with ALL my heart and soul.

 

[Life_and_Death]

He was 2 months before he turned 17 when Joey died. I lost it, truly did. He turned 18 and 3 months later moved out to my ex inlaws. He lost his brother and mother that day. I will NEVER be me again. He ran from the grief. He might miss me I honestly don't know. I love him with ALL my heart and soul.

did you ever try reconnecting with him? maybe therapy for the both of you together would do some good (with the right therapist of course)

 

[Sinkinshyp]

did you ever try reconnecting with him? maybe therapy for the both of you together would do some good (with the right therapist of course)

I pay his cell phone bill. He has a job. I text him at least once a week. He doesn't text back. I beg him to call me. I post mom, son, love things on his facebook. He is very... stubborn, stern, independent, and intelligent. He is hurt I was so destroyed after Joey died. He has every right to be. I talked about hurting myself a lot without realizing what I was doing to my son. I tried to get him to go to counseling when he lived home and he refused to go. I LOVE my kids so much I just dont want to be here without them- Joey is dead, he was my mommas boy. I can't get him back I can only go to him.. D with his personality and how things happened I think he has been pushed away to much to have him the way we were before Joey died. SO I cannot be here without my boys. He lives 3 hours away and I have 2 dogs, a cat, 5 birds and a monkey. SO I can't just go and spend time over there. All animals have homes when I CTB- dogs, cat and monkey will stay at my house. My mom bro, sis in law and 3 nephews moved in with me. They will get my house and animals. They've already agreed.