i want a second chance

[carnivalforone]

i wish i had the monetary means to pursue a career or the acquired happiness and relief money gives you or a second chance at a relationship. both would give me purpose, something to chase or work towards something to spend time on and focus on and be able to think about, not wallowing about myself. ive been sabotaged my whole life, no parents guidance, no help whatsoever and now 19 with my life basically set to fail. cant go to school cuz i need money for rent, had a job, got layed off and cant find anything now i cant do social settings cuz of my anxiety locking me into a cycle of living off my savings till i run out and im forced to ctb. my girlfriend has seemingly lost feelings or lacks any sort of motivation to try at all for me and i feel unloved uncared for and forgotten. im an overthinker, i have insomnia, and some other mental ailments inherited from my parents which is the only thing they gave me funnily enough. i have no choice but to accrue debt and force myself into an uncomfortable stressing life simply to well live. its hell and idk what to do. i just wish i had money, or love, then i could justify trying as hard as i used to. sigh

 

[Sleeper System]

I have this day dream that I get fired and decide then and there that I will live off my small savings for a month or two and then maybe take a long train ride or flight somewhere peaceful and CTB. Pleasant dream.

If you look for a job like it is your job to look for a job then you will find one eventually. It's important to show up in person not just fill out an application online and hope they reply back. Face to face shows you're serious.

The gf thing should be a secondary concern. Get your life together and the girls will come on their own if that's what you want.

I was in the same situation with having to decide to not go to school in order to support myself. Even though im doing 5% better than I was at that time, I still feel like it's not enough.

 

[carnivalforone]

I have this day dream that I get fired and decide then and there that I will live off my small savings for a month or two and then maybe take a long train ride or flight somewhere peaceful and CTB. Pleasant dream.

If you look for a job like it is your job to look for a job then you will find one eventually. It's important to show up in person not just fill out an application online and hope they reply back. Face to face shows you're serious.

The gf thing should be a secondary concern. Get your life together and the girls will come on their own if that's what you want.

I was in the same situation with having to decide to not go to school in order to support myself. Even though im doing 5% better than I was at that time, I still feel like it's not enough.

if i could even do 5% better it would be a start i feel defeated almost :/

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I'd rather just die and not have to worry about witng fr or squandering any more chances. Any other chance will just come with more problems along the way. As a dead person I would never have a single problem again.

 

[Sleeper System]

if i could even do 5% better it would be a start i feel defeated almost :/

Honestly, if i had to start from zero again, i'd be too tired to even try to collect myself again. I'm telling you... this shit is for the birds.

 

[carnivalforone]

I'd rather just die and not have to worry about witng fr or squandering any more chances. Any other chance will just come with more problems along the way. As a dead person I would never have a single problem again.

fair enough but i wish i could experience happiness and freedom, i feel horrible right now and i could only imagine the opposite is pure bliss.

Honestly, if i had to start from zero again, i'd be too tired to even try to collect myself again. I'm telling you... this shit is for the birds.

i need a saviour