I wanna drink

[TheGoodGuy]

I am so extremely bored also a little anxious it´s been two days since I last was drunk and I talked to my psychiatrist today and she told me that if I wasn´t clean till next week I will get into a rehab program instead of the place I am in now which is a place to treat anxiety because I got a throat problem alledgedly caused by my aspergers. The bad thing is that I might lose a good fraction of my money if I don´t comply because I am in something called "activation" which means I get 442$ more a month and before I was struggling without getting food or money from my parenst.

But my existence is so incredibly boring it´s insane I have no friends and I really mean NO friends not like the people pretending they don´t while still occasionally hanging out with people I having hung out with a friend for years and I can´t make online friends like other people do in video games I got 143 steam friends from randoms who have added me throughout the years but we don´t talk because I am too anxious to so it usually end in playing one or two games and no more interaction.

But as I said my existence is so insanely boring I watch the same shows over and over again and try and force myself to play games recently Battlefield 2 (2005) but it can only distract me for a short amount of time I also suffer from apathy and anhedonia which is apparent from this post so I find no joy in any hobbies so the "just get a new hobby" doesn´t work for me since my brain has no my happy hormones.
"With a quote from South Park Ass Burgers" episode from Stan Marsh "how do you go on living when everything that used to make you happy makes you sick"

It´s not even that I like drinking even that is boring it just makes things a tid more interesting but the shrinks want me to stop drinking even though it´s mostly a couple times a week and get tapered off benzos so I will have anxiety again, they literally want to take away the only two things that makes my existence barable even though it might only improve it with 2-3% I feel no emotions other than anger, I have no friends, I don´t have a car anymore so I can´t enjoy a nice car ride or go where I want, I live alone and used to live with my parents and 3 siblings so I come from a loving home and now I am isolated and all alone with nothing to do I can´t work and don´t want to even if I could the only trivial things I can look forward to is going to the gun range 2 times a month and family gatherings for social interaction but because of the current crisis everything is canceled and now these incompetent shrinks want to take my last copes away from me FUCK THEM! Rant over...

I am sure no one will respond to this thread since it´s "too long" and made by me because the universe/simulation hates me, ignores me and torments me so I can´t even meet a single person with a similar magnigicent mind whom I can have a conversation about all my rage not just suicidal thoughts but how we as humans are horrible creatures nothing better than a turmorous cancer that humans claim to be so evil they are the embodiment of evil even though the term 'evil' is subjective you can´t deny that bending the world to your will just to create a Utopia for your own "superior" species is evil; it doesn´t matter if any animals suffer by either losing their homes or lives as long as human achieve their goal of gathering resourches to sustain their Utopia of a world.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Of course I got ignored because the universe/simulation hates me and keep tormenting me till I can´t take no more..

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I used to drink and it destroyed my health. Now I sit alone in a crappy house with little hope of any real future. And that was before the apocalypse. Now...lol.
No job no car no friends. Horrible health problems and little sleep.
Yes, nature is out to get you from the moment you are conceived.
And I so want a beer or six or ten...
So I hear ya.
What do I do about it? I get angry.
Anger fuels me.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I used to drink and it destroyed my health. Now I sit alone in a crappy house with little hope of any real future. And that was before the apocalypse. Now...lol.
No job no car no friends. Horrible health problems and little sleep.
Yes, nature is out to get you from the moment you are conceived.
And I so want a beer or six or ten...
So I hear ya.
What do I do about it? I get angry.
Anger fuels me.

I had all those problems before now alcohol and benzos only help a little so not much to loose but of course things can and will ALWAYS get worse

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That is the unfortunate nature of the universe. Entropy. We are all in that particular sinking boat.
Yes the booze and benzos will always stop working due to tolerance effects. These days anger is my opium.

 

[Luchs]

View attachment 30842

I am so extremely bored also a little anxious it´s been two days since I last was drunk and I talked to my psychiatrist today and she told me that if I wasn´t clean till next week I will get into a rehab program instead of the place I am in now which is a place to treat anxiety because I got a throat problem alledgedly caused by my aspergers. The bad thing is that I might lose a good fraction of my money if I don´t comply because I am in something called "activation" which means I get 442$ more a month and before I was struggling without getting food or money from my parenst.

But my existence is so incredibly boring it´s insane I have no friends and I really mean NO friends not like the people pretending they don´t while still occasionally hanging out with people I having hung out with a friend for years and I can´t make online friends like other people do in video games I got 143 steam friends from randoms who have added me throughout the years but we don´t talk because I am too anxious to so it usually end in playing one or two games and no more interaction.

But as I said my existence is so insanely boring I watch the same shows over and over again and try and force myself to play games recently Battlefield 2 (2005) but it can only distract me for a short amount of time I also suffer from apathy and anhedonia which is apparent from this post so I find no joy in any hobbies so the "just get a new hobby" doesn´t work for me since my brain has no my happy hormones.
"With a quote from South Park Ass Burgers" episode from Stan Marsh "how do you go on living when everything that used to make you happy makes you sick"

It´s not even that I like drinking even that is boring it just makes things a tid more interesting but the shrinks want me to stop drinking even though it´s mostly a couple times a week and get tapered off benzos so I will have anxiety again, they literally want to take away the only two things that makes my existence barable even though it might only improve it with 2-3% I feel no emotions other than anger, I have no friends, I don´t have a car anymore so I can´t enjoy a nice car ride or go where I want, I live alone and used to live with my parents and 3 siblings so I come from a loving home and now I am isolated and all alone with nothing to do I can´t work and don´t want to even if I could the only trivial things I can look forward to is going to the gun range 2 times a month and family gatherings for social interaction but because of the current crisis everything is canceled and now these incompetent shrinks want to take my last copes away from me FUCK THEM! Rant over...

I am sure no one will respond to this thread since it´s "too long" and made by me because the universe/simulation hates me, ignores me and torments me so I can´t even meet a single person with a similar magnigicent mind whom I can have a conversation about all my rage not just suicidal thoughts but how we as humans are horrible creatures nothing better than a turmorous cancer that humans claim to be so evil they are the embodiment of evil even though the term 'evil' is subjective you can´t deny that bending the world to your will just to create a Utopia for your own "superior" species is evil; it doesn´t matter if any animals suffer by either losing their homes or lives as long as human achieve their goal of gathering resourches to sustain their Utopia of a world.

Try to find a more socially active, extroverted person on steam, that you don't have to ask to play with, but someone who just shows up and asks if you want to play a round of Halo or smth like that. This would maybe help you a bit with your boredom.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Try to find a more socially active, extroverted person on steam, that you don't have to ask to play with, but someone who just shows up and asks if you want to play a round of Halo or smth like that. This would maybe help you a bit with your boredom.

Unfortunetely I never played halo and again apathy and anhedino makes me unable to enjoy anything

But thanks for your ignorant response I know you mean well but you don´t get apathy and anhedonia

 

[Sensei]

I have no friends and I really mean NO friends

Of course I got ignored because the universe/simulation hates me and keep tormenting me till I can´t take no more..

But thanks for your ignorant response I know you mean well but you don´t get apathy and anhedonia

If you're kind to people, they are more likely to be kind to you in return.

 

[Absurdity]

Unfortunetely I never played halo and again apathy and anhedino makes me unable to enjoy anything

But thanks for your ignorant response I know you mean well but you don´t get apathy and anhedonia

They were just trying to help you and you call it an 'ignorant response'? Do you want to be treated like that?

No offense, but if you always talk to people like that, it's no wonder you have trouble finding friends?

 

[Mort]

My self never got dependent on alcohol my vice was pain killers codeine tramadol morphine use to take them like smarties. Still have to take sum as i am riddled with arthritis but at one point taking 30 odd tramadol in one go would not bothered me. They were the only thing that made me feel happy and carin free people use to see me and think look how happy and relaxed and had no troubles what so ever. But it was all a lie my life was and still is a pile of steaming poo only thing now is i expected it then i could not work out why it was like that . I use to get so angry at people people who did not deserve it i am surprise that no one hit me . So i use the pain killers to paper over the cracks and make my self look all happy and calm. Now i know better i know what every i try to make my life better it just turn to poo and end back in the middle of it. So now stop caring about it i given up on everything i still take the pills as i sed before but all so still like getting high. Any way they slowly killing me any ways happy about that :) my liver and kidneys are showing signs of damage. They not a day now were i dont piss blood at least ones a day all so my eyes have a faint yellowish colour in them a sign that my liver is not to good. Other things to my eyesight is mess up and many other things to at least it will look like an accidental poisoning by over use of pain meds put my death as accidental death over misused of medication.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

They were just trying to help you and you call it an 'ignorant response'? Do you want to be treated like that?

No offense, but if you always talk to people like that, it's no wonder you have trouble finding friends?

Well it´s annoying when it´s something we have all heard a million times before it´s the equivalant of people telling you just think positive, exercise etc. it´s ignorant especially when the person said meet extroverted people how is talking to extroverted people going to help a person with social anxeity that got aspergers?