I walked out mid shift without notifying anyone

[pinkribbonscars]

I was hired on as a caregiver at a long term care facility. I did not realize that this could result in an abandonment charge and lead me to losing my cna license and sabotage my career goals

Deep down I don't think I care about the consequences anymore cuz I know I'm gonna go

This has really honestly pushed me even further to do it

I was gonna stick it out til October but fuck it, I'm going to start going through my stuff tomorrow and getting rid of it

Im a terrible person who does terrible things, like abandoning vulnerable people for my own end

I deserve to go

 

[bluebus]

The day I decided I had to ctb, I didn't show up to work. It was a super busy weekend and they were counting on me. I really liked my bosses too so I felt bad. I still do. They tried calling and texting me, making sure everything was okay. I never responded. I plan to send them a text the night I ctb, just to say sorry and how much I liked working with them. I really hope you can find some peace in this world. Wishing you the best of luck

 

[SarRy]

Hold on a moment. I know this is not in the recovery section, but think about what you're doing. You must have had a reason for walking away. Legal action isn't always taken. You might be alright. This might just be a sign that you should focus more on yourself for a while.

It's a hard road when you start hating yourself. It's tough when you don't respect yourself. Self-hatred is deadly. I don't know your story.
Whatever happens, I hope you find peace with yourself.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

Hold on a moment. I know this is not in the recovery section, but think about what you're doing. You must have had a reason for walking away. Legal action isn't always taken. You might be alright. This might just be a sign that you should focus more on yourself for a while.

It's a hard road when you start hating yourself. It's tough when you don't respect yourself. Self-hatred is deadly. I don't know your story.
Whatever happens, I hope you find peace with yourself.

I got really burnt out on a job to the point of a nervous break down. My performance dipped and I was an idiot and drank before coming in on 3 hours of sleep. Subsequently, I dozed off on the couch for 40 minutes, for which the consequence is immediate termination. I was hired on as a caregiver for the developmentally disabled for context. I deserved it. I was already starting to go home early because of my behavioral outbursts and attitude.

If I would have received mental health treatment the day I left work to go to the er for a panic attack, I could have gotten fmla and taken a stress leave and transferred when I recovered. Hell, even if I would have called out the day of the incident (I knew I wasn't fit to come in,) I wouldn't be in this mess. I put in a transfer request a day after the incident occurred, so it was too late. I can never work for the company again.

I took this job because recruiters reached out to me. I was originally going to take a retail job while I looked elsewhere, but I wanted something "in my field" even tho I knew I would hate this. I felt anxious on shift and I just hated it, felt scared and uncomfortable, I was immature and left.

I got a call from the director. I hung up and blocked her. I could explain what happened and find out the consequences but im mortified. Im upset I didn't take the Safeway job and I don't know why I took something I knew I was going to hate. It's been pointed out I subconsciously self sabotage because I don't believe I deserve anything nice for myself. Idk if that's true.

I 100% hate myself, and I have for ages, which is why I think my ctb is inevitable

I feel sorry for my friends and family but it's an illness, I hope they understand.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. CTB might be inevitable but nobody deserves to CTB. It's a relief from all suffering. Don't be too hard to yourself. I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace!

 

[SarRy]

Take care of yourself. Your life isn't over yet. Things can be worked through. Self-hatred is hard to deal with. But, you are worth the effort even if you have a hard time seeing it.

Those who have the power to do bad also have the power to do good. No person is beyond help, redemption, or forgiveness. It's all just lessons learned.

At any rate, I wish you peace.

 

[pinkribbonscars]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. CTB might be inevitable but nobody deserves to CTB. It's a relief from all suffering. Don't be too hard to yourself. I wish you all the best and I hope you find peace!

I put extra load and stress on people by literally escaping and not saying a word in a retirement home with 44 vulnerable people who are at a fall risk and need help using the toilet

That is incredibly shitty. It was my fourth day. I was expected to be trained in 3 days and I still needed help with lifting, despite being certified and having past experience, I felt so stupid and embarrassed, and the girl I was working with was annoyed with me for not knowing where the laundry room was and what to do, and I got talked to cuz this lady reported me to the nurse for being rude, I should have just stuck the shift out because then I wouldn't have committed a legal offense

I knew I was gonna hate this but "only losers work retail" and "you need a job in your field so you aren't looked down on for working retail" even tho I worked retail before I got my last job

None of my decisions have made sense I'm incredibly stupid and maybe people are right I exist to punish myself, if I just ctb already I could stop this cycle
Also I didn't qualify for unemployment cuz I committed gross misconduct so lol felt extra pressure to get a job

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I put extra load and stress on people by literally escaping and not saying a word in a retirement home with 44 vulnerable people who are at a fall risk and need help using the toilet

That is incredibly shitty. It was my fourth day. I was expected to be trained in 3 days and I still needed help with lifting, despite being certified and having past experience, I felt so stupid and embarrassed, and the girl I was working with was annoyed with me for not knowing where the laundry room was and what to do, and I got talked to cuz this lady reported me to the nurse for being rude, I should have just stuck the shift out because then I wouldn't have committed a legal offense

I knew I was gonna hate this but "only losers work retail" and "you need a job in your field so you aren't looked down on for working retail" even tho I worked retail before I got my last job

None of my decisions have made sense I'm incredibly stupid and maybe people are right I exist to punish myself, if I just ctb already I could stop this cycle
Also I didn't qualify for unemployment cuz I committed gross misconduct so lol felt extra pressure to get a job

I really understand you and it shows that you want to take responsibility for your stupid action. That's ok but imo it's not a reason to CTB we all make big mistakes sometimes and stupid things and they're affecting our lives sometimes. You should not punish your self with a "death penalty". Really rethink this!! I can imagine it's a terrible situation. I send you a big *virtual HUG*

 

[Holu]

I put extra load and stress on people by literally escaping and not saying a word in a retirement home with 44 vulnerable people who are at a fall risk and need help using the toilet

That is incredibly shitty. It was my fourth day. I was expected to be trained in 3 days and I still needed help with lifting, despite being certified and having past experience, I felt so stupid and embarrassed, and the girl I was working with was annoyed with me for not knowing where the laundry room was and what to do, and I got talked to cuz this lady reported me to the nurse for being rude, I should have just stuck the shift out because then I wouldn't have committed a legal offense

I knew I was gonna hate this but "only losers work retail" and "you need a job in your field so you aren't looked down on for working retail" even tho I worked retail before I got my last job

None of my decisions have made sense I'm incredibly stupid and maybe people are right I exist to punish myself, if I just ctb already I could stop this cycle
Also I didn't qualify for unemployment cuz I committed gross misconduct so lol felt extra pressure to get a job

This isn't necessarily what's happening to you, and I don't want to convince you it is, but when I act in self destruction which threatens my long term future, it's normally cuz I'm tryna force myself into a position where I have more confidence or reason to ctb.

Also, ik u feel shitty, but at least you do feel shitty. Even if you yourself believe it to be inexcusable, it's still an understandable reaction to the suffering you're going through. Seeing as it came after a talking to, it really feels like a last straw situation, where your breakpoint inevitably was reached.

In the end, I'm really sorry for the situation you're in. Obviously it's not helping with your mental state, and I wish that the people around you had realized such. And, ik it really doesn't mean much, but if you can try to be a little less harsh on yourself. The reality is, that most if not every human when pushed to their breakpoint would have done the same.

Anyways, should you be hangin onto existence, I hope life gives you some room to breathe and mercy. You have suffered a lot, and I'm sorry for the pain the world pushed onto you.

 

[sanc]

I suggest to consider how you would respond if somebody told you they did these things while suffering the mental states and circumstances you are describing. Most likely you would forgive them and understand they were going through a lot and not able to act responsibly at the time.

So in that way you can forgive yourself and then have the strength to take the best actions such as talking to a doctor about your stress and burn out and ensuring you are protected from legal repercussions, etc. These care homes are very very harsh working environments at the best of times, it is high stress low gratitude work and burnout etc is common, your actions aren't shocking and can be explained and understood.

Don't let shame drive you into rash actions that could lead to failures and worse situations. It is much better to be in a rational state of mind before attempting anything. If you act out of self-hatred and panic it can be a disaster, dealing with this situation and realising it is forgivable and understandable will give you clarity and allow you to make effective decisions.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

you sound like a very nice person. sorry that you're in that situation. you're not blaming anyone which is honorable. sorry am a bit sleep deprived but was caregiving your main field of choice? and you said you lost the license for that? can you reapply? maybe start over in another state? you have the strength and courage. i hope some good options come your way.

 

[Decided98]

I got really burnt out on a job to the point of a nervous break down. My performance dipped and I was an idiot and drank before coming in on 3 hours of sleep. Subsequently, I dozed off on the couch for 40 minutes, for which the consequence is immediate termination. I was hired on as a caregiver for the developmentally disabled for context. I deserved it. I was already starting to go home early because of my behavioral outbursts and attitude.

If I would have received mental health treatment the day I left work to go to the er for a panic attack, I could have gotten fmla and taken a stress leave and transferred when I recovered. Hell, even if I would have called out the day of the incident (I knew I wasn't fit to come in,) I wouldn't be in this mess. I put in a transfer request a day after the incident occurred, so it was too late. I can never work for the company again.

I took this job because recruiters reached out to me. I was originally going to take a retail job while I looked elsewhere, but I wanted something "in my field" even tho I knew I would hate this. I felt anxious on shift and I just hated it, felt scared and uncomfortable, I was immature and left.

I got a call from the director. I hung up and blocked her. I could explain what happened and find out the consequences but im mortified. Im upset I didn't take the Safeway job and I don't know why I took something I knew I was going to hate. It's been pointed out I subconsciously self sabotage because I don't believe I deserve anything nice for myself. Idk if that's true.

I 100% hate myself, and I have for ages, which is why I think my ctb is inevitable

I feel sorry for my friends and family but it's an illness, I hope they understand.

I had something similar happen to me at my job and messed up bad I understand and that's one of the reasons I'm ctb I feel like such a bad person

 

[bluebus]

I had something similar happen to me at my job and messed up bad I understand and that's one of the reasons I'm ctb I feel like such a bad person

Love your profile pic! I just had to say. I'm sorry about what you're going through. Best wishes,