Venting i use this site as self sabotage

[willitpass]

i use this site to make myself in a ctb state of mind when i feel okay. i constantly self sabotage and i don't know why. i've always done it and i've talked through it in therapy before yet here i am again

 

[hsjevo]

Don't worry I do exactly the same, hoping it gives me strength to finally ctb

 

[Beeper]

Self-sabotage is a recurring theme in my life as well.

Not sure why I have done so many things to destroy my existence.

There must be an internal demon that wants me dead.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not need to self sabotage, I already feel bad enough. I think some people may self sabotage as they want to die and yet suicide is difficult. I believe, that at least in my case a certain mental state of desperation will be needed to ctb, as ctb is difficult as we are programmed to survive. Many people want something to push them over the edge so they can finally end the pain once and for all.

 

[willitpass]

I do not need to self sabotage, I already feel bad enough. I think some people may self sabotage as they want to die and yet suicide is difficult. I believe, that at least in my case a certain mental state of desperation will be needed to ctb, as ctb is difficult as we are programmed to survive. Many people want something to push them over the edge so they can finally end the pain once and for all.

i'm currently using this site to wear myself down. ever since my recovery earlier in the year my mind has been trying to fight my suicidal thoughts. i have become suicidal again but have grown to fear what comes after. i used to seek the idea of oblivion and had peace in whatever may come after this life. now i become anxious when thinking about what that may be. i will continue coming to this site until i return to my state of peace

 

[LoneMisery]

i'm currently using this site to wear myself down. ever since my recovery earlier in the year my mind has been trying to fight my suicidal thoughts. i have become suicidal again but have grown to fear what comes after. i used to seek the idea of oblivion and had peace in whatever may come after this life. now i become anxious when thinking about what that may be. i will continue coming to this site until i return to my state of peace

May i ask what you and your therapist talked about? And how it helped you? Ive been wanting to get one myself but i dont want to be flooded with lame happy goals. I already set goals but i want to learn to love myself again or ever. Its really why i want to ctb i just hate myself so much

 

[plan c]

Nah I'm the opposite. I use this site to make myself feel better, and in some of the most essential ways that I can't access from a pro-life dialogue with my shrink or a therapy session.
There happened to be a time when I was supposed to work yet I couldn't hinge my thoughts on everything. So I turned to this site and think about ctb and it dissolved most of my anxieties so I could go on working.
It's to me not an absolute defeat to be suicidal, but the fact that from time to time I'd like to consider "actively" feeling suicidal as a tactical retreat from life's difficulties.
Being coerced to be positive all the time is more likely the thing that gives me grief compared to this after all.

---

Don't you gaze into the sun, you'll burn your eyes.
Don't you always face up. Y'all gonna stall and crash into very messy deaths.