I use adedemic success to cope

[Mynameisnotimportant]

I've got a great act score gpa and grades but I would trade it all for an average life. Academic success does not make me happy it is just what I use to cope with my depressing thoughts because when I'm too busy doing homework I don't have time to think about the meaninglessness of life. It's also something to point to whenever I feel worthless but it's not enough to stop me from wanting to ctb. Anyone else use meaningless success to try to cope

 

[creatureoflight]

I've got a great act score gpa and grades but I would trade it all for an average life. Academic success does not make me happy it is just what I use to cope with my depressing thoughts because when I'm too busy doing homework I don't have time to think about the meaninglessness of life. It's also something to point to whenever I feel worthless but it's not enough to stop me from wanting to ctb. Anyone else use meaningless success to try to cope

I don't want to tell you what to do or to feel, however I would be so happy to have what you have. All of my life I have tried to achieve success and failed because of my health problems and because of being a very sensitive person. Obviously, what to do is your decision, however if I were you I would probably not ctb based on your post

 

[toolateforme]

Genius and madness are two sides of the same coin.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I'm great at academic stuff, always did well in tests, got my degree etc. But yeah I'd trade that for a chance to be happy.

My family have always told me that grades and stuff are important, but is my happiness not important too?

 

[Sun Stealer]

Yes anything that distracts is good especially if it's positive. I've got decent job where I have to use my brain all the time. My negative distraction is alcohol

 

[FadedMemory]

Similar situation here, if I enroll at the college I want I will have decent salary, but over the course of life I've realized that academic success doesn't make me happy, not when everyone around me hates me, so I'll never show up to a single class because I'll already be dead by the time classes start.

 

[Sun Stealer]

Sorry it's like that faded. Uni was a nightmare for me and ended up trying to finish myself. I went back when I was 26 and then did master's degree via online study. Maybe you could try that

 

[FadedMemory]

Sorry it's like that faded. Uni was a nightmare for me and ended up trying to finish myself. I went back when I was 26 and then did master's degree via online study. Maybe you could try that

I'd love it but where I live it's not a possibility. Here you can't drop out of high school and you can't get your education online. And with the high school I have, I can't get a job right away, instead I have to go to college/uni.
But anyways, thank you for your kindness, I'm sorry uni was so bad for you.

 

[Sun Stealer]

What country are you in faded?

 

[ScaredOfLife]

College was great for me - I had wonderful grades and received awards, honors, etc. I got a good job after college. However, years later I find myself a depressed anxious mess. I feel like a failure, because I once had so much going for me and now I have nothing, just depression and anxiety.

 

[Sun Stealer]

You are not a failure in any way shape or form because you suffer those things

 

[Tiburcio]

I never tried to be succesful in school, I despiced studying with all my heart. I was the typical student who didn't anything, failed at least 7 subjects and passed everything in the last month.

Now, everything is radically different for me.

 

[Sun Stealer]

How so

 

[Bandzbandz]

I completely agree. I am a straight A student with loads of friends always on my back asking to hang out. Amazing bf, I would say im hella comfortable financially and live in a huge private student accommodation. I just can't live anymore though.

 

[ScaredOfLife]

You are not a failure in any way shape or form because you suffer those things

That is very kind of you. Thank you. I just hate that I can't work a job because of my mental health. I was once a superstar.

 

[Sun Stealer]

Am sorry it's so though. I would have been straight A if I had not had a tough time in my teens and turned to drink and drugs. I could hardly hold down bar jobs till late 20s I pulled myself out of it. Just know that depression and anxiety are not guaranteed to be permanent

 

[Sun Stealer]

That is very kind of you. Thank you. I just hate that I can't work a job because of my mental health. I was once a superstar.

And you can be again.

 

[ScaredOfLife]

Am sorry it's so though. I would have been straight A if I had not had a tough time in my teens and turned to drink and drugs. I could hardly hold down bar jobs till late 20s I pulled myself out of it. Just know that depression and anxiety are not guaranteed to be permanent

It certainly seems permanent in my case, though u know that's not what everyone experiences. I think I started to experience mental illness in high-school and then in college I was diagnosed with OCD. I was able to work for eight years before coming down with severe depression and anxiety. Now it's been ten years since I've worked. I've tried years of medication and therapy but they don't help.

I'm sorry you're having trouble, too, and that we have found ourselves here. Not too many people understand. Although it does seem that other suicidal people understand.

 

[Sun Stealer]

Yes do not worry you have friends here. How old are you btw. I'm 50

 

[ScaredOfLife]

Yes do not worry you have friends here. How old are you btw. I'm 50

I'm 40. Nice to meet you.

 

[Sun Stealer]

Thank you. I guess I'm starting at a computer all day so it's easier than for people doing other things. What did you do if you don't mind me asking

 

[TooLate2582]

It's one of my many. I'm the best in my field at my job. People above me consult me before acting. People below me emulate me. Other people from different companies call me for advice....but who wants to promote a dumpster fire like myself?

Yet, here I am.

 

[Sun Stealer]

I had a guess you were good. Your employment achievement speaks for itself and always will. I've been to good places work wise yet fall due to mental issues. Lots of people out there will understand. I emailed my boss today and explained what was happening. Am glad I did but then I work in a good place. This is the first time when going through such stuff I've done that

 

[ScaredOfLife]

Thank you. I guess I'm starting at a computer all day so it's easier than for people doing other things. What did you do if you don't mind me asking

I was a statistician. What do you do?

 

[Jerryman]

I've got a great act score gpa and grades but I would trade it all for an average life. Academic success does not make me happy it is just what I use to cope with my depressing thoughts because when I'm too busy doing homework I don't have time to think about the meaninglessness of life. It's also something to point to whenever I feel worthless but it's not enough to stop me from wanting to ctb. Anyone else use meaningless success to try to cope

Are you doing it because you're well into the subject you're studying so find it interesting and you're motivated to find out more about it, want to get involved in projects around it etc. ?

Or is it about being a special me me because of scores, grades, titles against your name etc. ?

If it's the former then do more and more and eventually you'll add value to the world. You'll have meaning and purpose in life from it.

If it's the latter then the reward will be short lived and a time will come where it won't do it for you anymore.

 

[Sun Stealer]

No they are saying it's an escapism to use study or work to stop thinking about your feelings

 

[Sun Stealer]

I was a statistician. What do you do?

I do statistics all day lol

 

[Sun Stealer]

I guess you are better at them though

 

[ScaredOfLife]

I do statistics all day lol

It's a small world!

 

[Sun Stealer]

Yup I work in GIS. In local government. Use MS access for most of the analysis though