Ociv
Older On The Inside
- Mar 29, 2024
- 85
I was working at an industrial plant when I walked past a field of weeds. They flowed like waves in the wind and I felt a sudden surge of apathy. I was compelled to sit down and enjoy it for a bit. I decided to pull out my notepad and just write what I thought:
I've been thinking, more so these last few months, that my life is generally pretty unsatisfying, and probably will continue to be forever. The daily grind of working full-time, sleeping, and working some more, broken up by fleeting distractions in my free time, feels completely meaningless to me. Usually when I discuss these "normal" everyday miseries, I get a remark along the lines of "That's Just life for you". Hearing how common it is for people like me to feel this way only makes it feel worse. Knowing that everyone else is caught in this trap as well only makes it feel that much more inescapable.
As I write this, I look around and see the natural beauties of the world, as small as they are to be looked over in our daily toils. It pains me that I will never truly live among them, and they will hold no tangible meaning to me as a field does to a farmer, or a fjord to a sailor. I will never battle in admiration of and against the world by which I am enamored. Instead, I will battle against the walls of the maze I was born in, erected by my fellow man.
I have strong arms and large hands. Skilled and robust, my mind and flesh are perfectly tuned to face human tribulations. How good it must feel to use my body in pursuit of the battle for which it was designed. Like a bird building its nest, or an elephant leading its herd to water. I will never fight the human fight. Instead, I will struggle against the great beasts and mountains of mans making, bought by my brother and loaned to me under a different name, marked up to his liking. This paradigm will be my dance partner for as long as I live in its world, the one designed with us people in mind.
Nobody has a choice who is born into that world, but we do have a choice in whether we stay. Escaping can be as simple or complex as you make it, depending on where you intend to escape to. The easiest way is to simply jump off the edge. Nothing exists over that boundary, but if falling forever is preferable to climbing forever, then this path is here for you. The other paths are more esoteric. They have no neon signs or painted lines saying "Here, go this way!" Instead, these innumerable pathways are found and explored by the individual. As an ever-shifting series of portals and dead ends, it is unlikely that you will be able to follow somebodies footsteps here. You must carve your own way through. You might end up somewhere beautiful. No such path has made itself known to me, but I will keep looking on my journey to the worlds edge.
