I tried today. I did things. I just want to die.

[Livingvsdying25]

Did things today. A range of things. I don't feel any better.

Im a stupid broken record. Stuck in my own bullshit. I don't wanna live anymore.

Today im ending the day with clean sheets and a place to sleep but an empty heart.

Will just try to settle for the night but honestly? I feel like trying to hang myself...

If I hang should I do it sober or drug myself... that's all im wondering rn..

I'm just sad tonight yall. Starting to just become ashamed of everything I am. I guess I just need a break as always? Maybe I need a permanent break. I dunno.

 

[DurkheimsCat]

I don't have any advice, just want to say I feel the same. I try lots of things and nothing brings me any kind of relief or hope. I too have clean sheets tonight, I hope we both get some rest.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Finding my head filled with intrusive thoughts but my body just isn't able to calm itself yet... i have a stomachache, a headache, my chest kinda hurts...will take electrolyte supplements and make myself drink water.

The usual distractions are not holding up. I think I'm gonna fake it tmrw. 2 meetings. With employment counsellor. Then with 3 mental health/peer support workers.

I can't keep putting my heart into living when all I want is dying... it's so so painful.

It's time to start planning. Practicing. Figuring out a place to hang. I will keep trying/really go for it to see if I can

Guess I'm just closer and closer to suicide even looking at rope now. Maybe I should look into gas methods... wonder if my portable A/C could be used for smthin...

I just needa get through this night, sleep a lil and start the real nitty gritty suicide work. Though I did say I'd clean Monday & Tuesday so that's still a good idea/plan.


Clean.. clear out my mind and I could be dead by the weekend.

I wish I could find it in me to live but it hurts too much. Im flip flopping from life then realize oop its done and go back to death.

Ya know considering my life... I feel like I was never meant to live.

I am in a lot of emotional pain and starting to dissociate. I tried to regulate self but its obv too much soo jus gonna allow the dissociation and just zone out to music and hope to get some sleep soon

 

[leftdreaming]

I know this isn't the place for positivity, but I want you to know it's amazing you tried your best. I'm not going to feed you some "it'll get better" bullshit, we both know that never helps, but what you did was very impressive. I'm sorry you have gotten to this point, wishing you a good night sleep .

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing here really is so dreadful and tiring, it's certainly true that there's too much suffering in existing so of course it's really understandable wishing to finally be free from it all, the thought of eternal sleep really sounds so appealing to me. I wish you the best with your plans.