Venting I tried to end myself via partial hanging. Yet SI kicks in when I'm about to pass out...

[Forsaken666]

I have nothing better than this strong leather belt. So tough that its even hard to tie it into a knot. Only meds I have is Trileptal. Could I get OD from that?
Any tips how to use belt correctly to partial hang? Only steady thing in this old appartment are doorknobs.

I know that I want to die. Yet the passing out feels like I'm just choking. And then this SI kicks in and I get out of it.

I feel even more pathetic than I was before trying it. At one point I was sure I had done it. Then the fucking belt slipped. Had that pressure on eyes. How can I do it? How can I make myself to just ignore the SI?

I don't usually even cry. Now I have. Can't sleep night over it. Tomorrow I'm homeless as I'm behind the rents. Now that's not the only reason for it needing to happen tonight, but reason just because I can't make another date for this anymore.

Jump at front of the train? But how can I even do that as this fucking strong urge to survive although I want to die. My body is prison for me.

 

[barelyrussian]

I'm so sorry you had to experience this, I had the same experience exact experience with partial the other day, it's so frustrating to be so close but have your body force you away from ctb

Partial is a very particular and personal method and people seem to have different thinks work for them, so If you can take an anytime to practice partial it would help, experiment with positioning of the belt. Putting padding in diffrent places, etc. Safety practicing also eliminates SI because you know you'll be okay in the end

when I practiced I started feeling dizzy and a "High sensation" before I blacked out and woke up while falling to the floor in confusion, you described a pressure in your eyes, if you have a strong pressure in your head then you might not be fully blocking off the carotid arteries and instead might be blocking off only the veins.

Something that helped me pass out faster is hyperventilating before hand for a few minutes to cause blood vessel constriction.

It's awful that you are driven to this by so many external circumstances, but you can always find meaning and joy in life even in bad situations

Whatever choice you choose I hope it goes well

 

[ggetout33]

That's hard to say. You're talking about a hard-ingrained instinct that's been baked into us for thousands of years. My only real guess on how to overcome SI and successfully CTB is some kind of drug that knocks you out and kills you, SI can't do shit if the drug's already in your system.

Second best guess then would be the train, maybe if you were a little drunk before doing it? I heard alcohol and other drugs could override the SI.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's so inhumane how it's so difficult to die, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for as I get that it's so torturous feeling trapped in this existence, I hate how there isn't the option to just easily and permanently escape from all the suffering.

 

[Forsaken666]

That's hard to say. You're talking about a hard-ingrained instinct that's been baked into us for thousands of years. My only real guess on how to overcome SI and successfully CTB is some kind of drug that knocks you out and kills you, SI can't do shit if the drug's already in your system.

Second best guess then would be the train, maybe if you were a little drunk before doing it? I heard alcohol and other drugs could override the SI.

Yeah. SI is a bitch. Too bad they don't sell alcohol at this time. Not like I have any money for it anyway. Trileptal OD doesn't seem to cause much. Just makes you feel like vomiting. Damn. Would it be easier with train if I just ran at it or close my eyes laying on the tracks I wonder... Although there would be a risk of getting caught doing the one I mentioned last.
Fucking hell. I am so tired to exist.
This is such a torture. I even though about doing something as stupid and insulting as drawing a picture of Muhammed and hoping some radical would just kill me... I don't want to insult anyone or anyones religion. But just a dumb thought I had. And who is to say that it would even work for not popular person.

 

[ggetout33]

Yeah, I personally wouldn't do the train method but desperate times call for desperate measures I hear.

Maybe if you closed your eyes and jumped? I'm not sure.

 

[spottem]

How are you feeling recently?

 

[mrtime87]

I have nothing better than this strong leather belt. So tough that its even hard to tie it into a knot. Only meds I have is Trileptal. Could I get OD from that?
Any tips how to use belt correctly to partial hang? Only steady thing in this old appartment are doorknobs.

I know that I want to die. Yet the passing out feels like I'm just choking. And then this SI kicks in and I get out of it.

I feel even more pathetic than I was before trying it. At one point I was sure I had done it. Then the fucking belt slipped. Had that pressure on eyes. How can I do it? How can I make myself to just ignore the SI?

I don't usually even cry. Now I have. Can't sleep night over it. Tomorrow I'm homeless as I'm behind the rents. Now that's not the only reason for it needing to happen tonight, but reason just because I can't make another date for this anymore.

Jump at front of the train? But how can I even do that as this fucking strong urge to survive although I want to die. My body is prison for me.

You can't ignore SI. Instead, you have to cut off the carotid arteries and pass out before SI kicks in.

That, or get drunk and/or high to the point you don't know what's going on.