I tried to CTB but I failed

[babouflo201223]

Two hours ago, I felt so sad and alone that I tried to CTB to stop these awful sufferings. Unfortunately, I failed (full suspension). I even don't know how it's possible, evertything was ready and ok, I took benzos to be (I thought) quiet and quite sleeping, but once I went down the chair and the slipknot tigthened my neck, I had extremely strong vomiting reflex and it made me becoming crazy. I moved in all directions, even movments that would have seem impossible to do, it was very very painful, but it was beyond my control and I don't know how but I managed to reach the corner of a furniture and to climb and next untightened the knot and put my head out of it. It was really crazy strong reaction. All happened extremely fast. I know, it's SI. Now I just have headache and a painful shoulder that was hurted during my movments. The worse is of course I feel even more into despair than before, because I failed.

 

[MollerPlesset]

I'm so sorry. You are not a failure! Sometimes the plans fail.
wish the best for you. One day we will no longer feel despair

 

[Leiot]

Our bodies don't always follow what we want. The instinct to survive is pretty strong. Whatever you decide to do I hope you make peace with it.

Like I posted in another topic, like you I underestimated what it would take. There's a chart you can look up that has the MLD (minimum lethal dose) for various drugs, but it will tell you that these are estimates at best and vary widely depending on body makeup, etc. Plus you get that whole throwing up thing if your body decides it doesn't want to go through with it. I've read that there are mixtures of drugs that will inhibit that vomiting reflex but I don't know anything about them.

I hope you find peace.

 

[babouflo201223]

Je ne suis pas sûr que les pilules puissent bloquer ce réflexe de vomissement parce que j'étais calme, le réflexe de vomissement provenait des muscles profonds de la gorge à cause de la forte pression de la corde. Le SI est arrivé à ce moment-là parce que le réflexe de vomissement était si fort, mon Dieu. Je veux dire que ce n'est pas le SI qui a provoqué le réflexe de vomissement. Du moins, c'est ce que j'ai ressenti, je me trompe peut-être.
Thank you.

 

[waterrrrrrrrrbottel]

Hey friend, it's alright. the hardest part of any suicide isn't the thoughts, or the planning, it's the attempting. we are genuinely hardwired against attempting and it's the hardest thing ever

 

[babouflo201223]

Hé mon ami, tout va bien. La partie la plus difficile de tout suicide n'est pas les pensées ou la planification, c'est la tentative. Nous sommes véritablement programmés contre la tentative et c'est la chose la plus difficile qui soit.

Yes of course, but it's awful.

 

[maniac116]

That's Ok. Just take a breath, rethink your method & remember you only have to succeed once.
Impulsive acts are rarely successful.
Maybe it's just not your time

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it feels so cruel how it's so difficult to be permanently be free from this existence, I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much, I understand just wanting to be free from all the suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.