As I near the day of release, I do a lot of reflection on my life. There's a part of me that wonders if things were different, would I still self-terminate. I can't help but feel sometimes that all this was deliberate. I mean, my own mother and father HATED me. EVERY social interaction I've ever had has been insulting, traumatizing, and/or empty. Nearly every human interactions I've ever had has turned out to be bad. No one has ever liked me. I can't help but feel that this is all personal. An attack upon me. And, yes, I know others have it bad as well. However, my life has been very uniquely shitty. And with no real explanation as to why? It's almost like I'm being punished for something that I don't know I did. People are arbitrarily mean and rude to me. Nearly all women I've ever met has been turned off by me and made fun of me. Most of my teachers teased me and treated me horribly. Reflecting back, I don't understand any of it.
I've often heard that "life is a school." The only thing life has ever taught me was to hate it.
I've often heard that "life is a school." The only thing life has ever taught me was to hate it.
