Story i told my best friend about my plan yesterday

[_Minsk]

yesterday i became really impulsive, i have planed to gift him my belongings like jewelry, laptop and some other expensive stuff. i had to tell him prior my ctb since im sure my dad might not send my belongings to him. i just wanted to make sure he receives them. he has been a very good friend, also struggling with similar things like me including depression and suicidal Ideation. he seemed to be a little sad about it, not that shocked but quite surprised a little. im sorry for that. i wish he would support or approve my path of life. i will meet him most likely next week and give him my belongings. i hope we can have a beer, i don't drink that often but i want us to have the chance to meet a last time, talk about the stuff which might lay upon our hearts. i wish life would have gone differently, but the longer i stay the worse it gets. i just can't live in this world and with the people. i just can't.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

This was very brave of you. I'm not sure I would be comfortable revealing my plan to anyone. It's great to have someone you trust so much.

You mentioned that he endures similar hardships to you. May I ask why perhaps you've chosen different paths? That is to say, what encourages him to keep living versus what encourages you to end your life? Have you shared those thoughts with each other?

 

[_Minsk]

This was very brave of you. I'm not sure I would be comfortable revealing my plan to anyone. It's great to have someone you trust so much.

You mentioned that he endures similar hardships to you. May I ask why perhaps you've chosen different paths? That is to say, what encourages him to keep living versus what encourages you to end your life? Have you shared those thoughts with each other?

thanks, i know him since very long, i feel like i can trust him because i helped him during his suicidal phases too
there are just too many health issues im dealing with and which i cant find a resolution for, i just cant relate or connect with most people and basically the whole society. i wish i could do the things i want to, but i cant due to my mental and physical health. my best friend also struggles with mental health issues but they seem to be manageable for him. he also is on welfare and is being supported by his family. i just don't want to live any longer in this world, have been trying and suffering the last 9 years, cant see things to get better

 

[bigdog]

I told everyone that I want to CTB even my psychiatrist. And I still have my SN ready. Nobody have access to my flat or car

 

[SadGuyWannaDie]

I told my step brother I was at least thinking of doing it and I feel guilty because I told the only one I knew wouldn't share my secret but I know it's his burden to bear if I go missing on my family and CTB. Because he'll feel like he was the one that could've or should've stopped me. I apologized to him for doing that to him and he cried. He doesn't cry. It made me feel guilty so I'd say expressing these desires to someone can be a double edged sword and cut either way. I had a narcissistic need to share to someone... Anyone. In this case it made me feel guiltier and more challenging to go through with it.

 

[Escargot Shorts]

i wouldn't totally discount him just yet just because he was surprised a bit, i think something like that just means he needs process this information; considering you both share experiences with depression and he also has ideation, i think you've just made something real to him and he may need a minute to consider reality from here.

you and i are different people, but i would look at something like unconditional, immediate support as something less genuine or sincere (but i'm just like that). so if he's not outwardly stopping you or something, i don't necessarily see that as a bad thing at all.

i've only told two friends about it. one tried to offer solutions to problems i didn't even say i had and the other, when i asked if it was selfish of me, said it was. i don't really take those as things that diminish our relationship or see them as idk them impeding me, but just their perspectives.