I told God that if he doesn't fix my life long suffering now - no more waiting- I'm going to CTB

[Yoyo_honeybee]

So I'm agnostic, have previously believed in an Abrahamic God but seeing all the pain of the world and the things happening in my life I really don't know any more. It makes sense to me that there is some higher power and I don't like the idea of there being nothing because then it'll mean that I went through all this pain for nothing. I want there to be a proper reason for suffering that I can accept.

The Abrahamic God doesn't allow suicide and though I'm not sure I believe in him anymore I still get worried that this God will punish me if I CTB. So I've prayed to this God multiple times, desperately and in tears, asking for a sign. Radio silence. I've starved myself until I've felt like I was going to die and refused to move from my bed for days at a time, almost like I'm going on a strike? I decided I wouldn't eat/ move until God does something, eventually I realised I was going to starve to death and that wasn't the best way to go. Telling myself that maybe God will pay attention to me if I do stuff like this. Still goddamn radio silence. What more do I need to do?

So I told God to help me now just solve the current problem I'm dealing with even if he doesn't fix all the other issues otherwise I'll have to CTB. I don't want to do this, but I've been driven to it, and at this last stage, if God doesn't help, then I blame my CTB on him, or he just doesn't exist at all and I've been begging and crying to nothing.

Because who the heck, except a monster, sees people suffering so much, has the ability to easily solve their problems, and decides to ignore them??? Just this problem, like, come on, you're GOD, surely this isn't that big of a deal to you at all, but it would mean the world to me. Am I so insignificant to you that you won't even spend one second of your time telling the universe to give me what I want and sort it out? What the actual F?

Like imagine being able to stop the Holocast, Burma, Sudan, Armenia, Sudan, Gaza, Congo situations and sitting back while these people cry blood and the world screams. And people say that God is all loving and merciful? And there's a reason for everything, F that honestly. If God exists, he's a psychopath with no emotions or he ran off somewhere and forgot about us.

Prove me wrong God. Please for F's sake.

 

[Mi Mi]

So I'm agnostic, have previously believed in an Abrahamic God but seeing all the pain of the world and the things happening in my life I really don't know any more. It makes sense to me that there is some higher power and I don't like the idea of there being nothing because then it'll mean that I went through all this pain for nothing. I want there to be a proper reason for suffering that I can accept.

The Abrahamic God doesn't allow suicide and though I'm not sure I believe in him anymore I still get worried that this God will punish me if I CTB. So I've prayed to this God multiple times, desperately and in tears, asking for a sign. Radio silence. I've starved myself until I've felt like I was going to die and refused to move from my bed for days at a time, almost like I'm going on a strike? I decided I wouldn't eat/ move until God does something, eventually I realised I was going to starve to death and that wasn't the best way to go. Telling myself that maybe God will pay attention to me if I do stuff like this. Still goddamn radio silence. What more do I need to do?

So I told God to help me now just solve the current problem I'm dealing with even if he doesn't fix all the other issues otherwise I'll have to CTB. I don't want to do this, but I've been driven to it, and at this last stage, if God doesn't help, then I blame my CTB on him, or he just doesn't exist at all and I've been begging and crying to nothing.

Because who the heck, except a monster, sees people suffering so much, has the ability to easily solve their problems, and decides to ignore them??? Just this problem, like, come on, you're GOD, surely this isn't that big of a deal to you at all, but it would mean the world to me. Am I so insignificant to you that you won't even spend one second of your time telling the universe to give me what I want and sort it out? What the actual F?

Like imagine being able to stop the Holocast, Burma, Sudan, Armenia, Sudan, Gaza, Congo situations and sitting back while these people cry blood and the world screams. And people say that God is all loving and merciful? And there's a reason for everything, F that honestly. If God exists, he's a psychopath with no emotions or he ran off somewhere and forgot about us.

Prove me wrong God. Please for F's sake.

This is well written and I'm tortured by this thought constantly
But you said it better

 

[girlsboysthems]

i was forced into religion, but i find myself still thinking about god and wishing hed come my way. before i got the job i have now i told him if i dont get this job i will kill myself and now the ball is in his court, and now he can discreetly let me know what to do. i got the job and its fine, but it just doesnt feel good. i go, i do the work, but shit still fucking sucks and i still want to die,... so yeah... not sure whst to do...

 

[Yoyo_honeybee]

This is well written and I'm tortured by this thought constantly
But you said it better

It really is a difficult one, it doesn't make any sense at all to me. Are you religious?

 

[Yoyo_honeybee]

i was forced into religion, but i find myself still thinking about god and wishing hed come my way. before i got the job i have now i told him if i dont get this job i will kill myself and now the ball is in his court, and now he can discreetly let me know what to do. i got the job and its fine, but it just doesnt feel good. i go, i do the work, but shit still fucking sucks and i still want to die,... so yeah... not sure whst to do...

Do you feel that God helped you get your job and answered your prayer?

 

[Mi Mi]

It really is a difficult one, it doesn't make any sense at all to me. Are you religious?

I honestly don't know
I was raised Christian
But not really taught anything
It's just what I was told to believe in
I did try as I became a young woman
Praying, reading the Bible, going to church and Bible study but I felt nothing
The older I got the worse it became
God seems like a genie
And you have to fit these rules at all times to get to heaven
That seems unreasonable and unattainable
Especially when you see people intentionally do wrong and get away with it
So I question religion often
But I still have what was taught to me lingering and it's absolutely torture

 

[girlsboysthems]

Do you feel that God helped you get your job and answered your prayer?

no, i had previous administrative xperience and am very familiar with graphics (went to school for it), it was basically mine, it was a bit more of a question of is the enviroment i would be working for a good fit for me and would it be able to support me. so yeah.

 

[MrShino]

It is difficult to fully understand, I totally agree. It is a problem that many believers will face; How can God be good and Almighty when all of this is happening in our lives and in the world. It's not easy to make sense of. I want you to know, though, that many people find good answers to this they can live with, without denying their faith. I do not claim to hold the answers for you, but a few things might be worthwhile to consider:

- We cannot see the whole picture. God may have reasons that we do not understand or have the capabilities to comprehend. Why He seemingly takes so long to answer our calls in our sufferings sometimes, and why we do not get the answers that we want, could be for reasons we are unable to see while we are going through it. Maybe one day it will make sense. It is not that He does not care, or cannot do anything, it is perhaps rather that His purposes far exceeds our minds. Sometimes all one can do is stay strong in faith, even if all the world pressures you to deny it.
- Sufferings may create certain qualities that cannot be gained by other means. Do we like not? Of course not. Will it be worth it anyways? It could very well be. The 'Book of Job' in the Bible may be a good place to start when it comes to understanding the problem of suffering.
- There could be ways the answers to your prayers have been hindered. There could have been answers you did not see, or perhaps answers you did not want.
- Perhaps you have tuned your radio frequencies to a silent channel? Perhaps God is speaking in another. I would recommend to tune your heart to Jesus Christ and see if The Holy Spirit may speak to you there. 'On many past occasions and in many different ways, God spoke to our fathers through the prophets. But in these last days He has spoken to us by His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, and through whom He made the universe.' ~ Hebrews 1:2

I will pray for you. Much blessings and love. Feel free to message me if you want someone to talk with, and I hope things will turn to the better for you soon enough!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think if god was really all-knowing and all-loving then he should see that punishing people for CTB isn't really fair at all. Even for genuine scum, the idea of eternal damnation is a bit too cruel and unusual of a punishment like yeah you were alive for 70 years and a piece of shit all the way through so now spend billions of eternities suffering for it? Doesn't make much sense to me. When it comes especially to CTB, the punishment does not fit the crime.

That said, if God is real and giving us radio silence he probably has some convoluted "good reason" for it. Like maybe our CTB's are intended to simply bolster someone else in life and help them out. Idk.

 

[MrShino]

I think if god was really all-knowing and all-loving then he should see that punishing people for CTB isn't really fair at all. Even for genuine scum, the idea of eternal damnation is a bit too cruel and unusual of a punishment like yeah you were alive for 70 years and a piece of shit all the way through so now spend billions of eternities suffering for it? Doesn't make much sense to me. When it comes especially to CTB, the punishment does not fit the crime.

That said, if God is real and giving us radio silence he probably has some convoluted "good reason" for it. Like maybe our CTB's are intended to simply bolster someone else in life and help them out. Idk.

Who claims that God punishes people for CTB like this though? There's nothing in the Word from what I have read that implies what you wrote here at all, besides the Commandment to not murder - and that obviously does not mean every instance of taking lives (of which many occasions are lawfully provided in the Bible). Where do you have these ideas from if I may ask?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Who claims that God punishes people for CTB like this though? There's nothing in the Word from what I have read that implies what you wrote here at all, besides the Commandment to not murder - and that obviously does not mean every instance of taking lives (of which many occasions are lawfully provided in the Bible). Where do you have these ideas from if I may ask?

I'm not the one who came up with that idea, it's just a possibility that people who are afraid of the afterlife and want to CTB often have to face.

 

[MrShino]

I'm not the one who came up with that idea, it's just a possibility that people who are afraid of the afterlife and want to CTB often have to face.

Unfortunately it often is so. Even the Roman Catholic Church does not teach this anymore though, and it has no Scriptural foundation from what I can see. I do not think there are many Evangelical or Pentecostal churches teaching it either. Still many have this idea, you are right with that. The teaching of the Gospel seems clear in any case; Every one of us has broken the laws of God. Not a single person has kept all the ordinances and all the laws perfectly, except Jesus Christ. That means we are all guilty and we all need the forgiveness and salvation given by God. It is only by not accepting God's salvation that we need to fear the afterlife.

 

[set0553]

God gives us free will to do what we want, and lives our lives as we choose, but then basically says that if we live according to his teachings (bible, or whichever book you believe) then you'll have eternal peace, but if not, eternal punishment. But I think living our lives best as we can, and trying to do right by othersshoukd count for something, if there is an afterlife. I've found myself praying in the past just due to sheer desperation for anything good to happen, a moment without this misery. Who's to say CTB is wrong anyway? Sure it'd hurt some ppl, but could be a positive for others.. I mean, we could CTB and our organs save 3 other lives.

 

[Yoyo_honeybee]

no, i had previous administrative xperience and am very familiar with graphics (went to school for it), it was basically mine, it was a bit more of a question of is the enviroment i would be working for a good fit for me and would it be able to support me. so yeah.

So not God, I'm glad you got it anyway though and hope things are working out for you :)

 

[Yoyo_honeybee]

I honestly don't know
I was raised Christian
But not really taught anything
It's just what I was told to believe in
I did try as I became a young woman
Praying, reading the Bible, going to church and Bible study but I felt nothing
The older I got the worse it became
God seems like a genie
And you have to fit these rules at all times to get to heaven
That seems unreasonable and unattainable
Especially when you see people intentionally do wrong and get away with it
So I question religion often
But I still have what was taught to me lingering and it's absolutely torture

Saying God seems like a genie hits the nail on the head. Mythical honestly. My biggest questiom against religion is why God even felt the need to create us. Christians say it's because he wanted us to have a relationship with him and love him but that makes God sound needy and arrogant which apparently God isn't. It's hard to believe a God exists and if he does then it's very hard to believe he had good intentions.
Creating humans knowing the immense suffering many of them go through, just to see which ones chose to worship him and which ones don't and punishing those who don't sounds like a sick game for someone who was bored.

Who claims that God punishes people for CTB like this though? There's nothing in the Word from what I have read that implies what you wrote here at all, besides the Commandment to not murder - and that obviously does not mean every instance of taking lives (of which many occasions are lawfully provided in the Bible). Where do you have these ideas from if I may ask?

It's pretty well known that most big religions do not approve of suicide, yes there are modern interpretations which make it seem like you won't be punished but the general consensus is that God doesn't allow it and it's a big sin.

Unfortunately it often is so. Even the Roman Catholic Church does not teach this anymore though, and it has no Scriptural foundation from what I can see. I do not think there are many Evangelical or Pentecostal churches teaching it either. Still many have this idea, you are right with that. The teaching of the Gospel seems clear in any case; Every one of us has broken the laws of God. Not a single person has kept all the ordinances and all the laws perfectly, except Jesus Christ. That means we are all guilty and we all need the forgiveness and salvation given by God. It is only by not accepting God's salvation that we need to fear the afterlife.

Why is it such a bad thing to not accept God's salvation that we have to go to hell for it? If it God wanted us to go to heaven and accept him that badly why not make it clearer to us which religion is right? Unless God is intentionally trying to make things confusing and cryptic for us so he can sit back and watch us struggle to figure it out like we're some kind of reality show for his entertainment

 

[MrShino]

Saying God seems like a genie hits the nail on the head. Mythical honestly. My biggest questiom against religion is why God even felt the need to create us. Christians say it's because he wanted us to have a relationship with him and love him but that makes God sound needy and arrogant which apparently God isn't. It's hard to believe a God exists and if he does then it's very hard to believe he had good intentions.
Creating humans knowing the immense suffering many of them go through, just to see which ones chose to worship him and which ones don't and punishing those who don't sounds like a sick game for someone who was bored.

It's pretty well known that most big religions do not approve of suicide, yes there are modern interpretations which make it seem like you won't be punished but the general consensus is that God doesn't allow it and it's a big sin.

Why is it such a bad thing to not accept God's salvation that we have to go to hell for it? If it God wanted us to go to heaven and accept him that badly why not make it clearer to us which religion is right? Unless God is intentionally trying to make things confusing and cryptic for us so he can sit back and watch us struggle to figure it out like we're some kind of reality show for his entertainment

Well, first, God does not -need- us to love Him, although He wants a loving communion with each of us. God probably wants us to love Him, since 1) it is the best for us, those He loves. To love the highest good is the best aspiration in a man's heart and nothing can really takes it's place. God Himself being the highest good wants us to have our hearts attuned to Him for the wellfare of our Spirit and Soul. 2) It is natural to want someone you love to love you back

Even if suicide is commonly agreed to be a sin, I really do not think it denies you the salvation of God (at least this is what the Scripture teaches from what I can understand), which is the only way you can get to Heaven. We have all sinned, either it be by suicide or not, and needs His forgiveness and grace. If a sin, like suicide, was enough to deny you salvation, then the finished work of Christ would not really be an atonement for all sins, but everything except this - and I find that really hard to find evidence for in the Word. When that is said, I believe personally that it is generally still wrong in most cases and that there are better ways to deal with the struggles of life, but it makes sense for me that it can be justified in some situations. It's a complex ethical question, and not for me to judge right or wrong in other peoples lives of whom I do not know.

The natural consequence of not receiving forgiveness of sins and salvation, is to be standing guilty before God with all your faults and sins. God has given us free will and will not force you to receive Him and all He has done for you (taking the punishment for our sins on the Cross in our place). If you break the laws, there are natural consequences to this, and this is called justice (at least if the laws are righteous). It is the same in the spiritual. God cannot put justice and righteousness aside because we want it so. Why He has not written it on the skies to make it clear for all, I do not know. It is what it is, and we are in no position to demand that God does it any other ways than He does. Seek the truth and you shall find it.

God bless you. He is only good, and in Him there is no darkness at all. :)

 

[MarkSmith73]

Most likely he won't. We're 100% on our own here. I compare this earth to being in a foxhole in a warzone without a radio. You have to find the will and strength to go on within you. That being said there is eventually hope.

 

[red24]

So what did he say? I prayed as well for something, but I have yet to receive an answer. I doubt there will be an answer actually. Of course there won't be.

 

[cosmic-freedom]

If a God exists,the psychopaths who make life hell for others would be long dead.I completely agree with your point.What kind of God watches it unfold?God is supposed to better than us.Kinder than us.More compassionate than any human imaginable.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

If a God exists,the psychopaths who make life hell for others would be long dead.I completely agree with your point.What kind of God watches it unfold?God is supposed to better than us.Kinder than us.More compassionate than any human imaginable.

He's nothing like that if you read the old testament

 

[Yoyo_honeybee]

If a God exists,the psychopaths who make life hell for others would be long dead.I completely agree with your point.What kind of God watches it unfold?God is supposed to better than us.Kinder than us.More compassionate than any human imaginable.

Exactly, if us flawed humans can feel so much empathy and compassionate and want to stop the suffering of other beings then how can an all-compassionate loving God not want to. He sounds like a narcissist who thinks they're perfect but who is actually deeply flawed, that is if he exists at all

 

[Yoyo_honeybee]

Nothing yet, I'm still waiting and putting things off hoping things will get better. Wishing the best for you and me

So what did he say? I prayed as well for something, but I have yet to receive an answer. I doubt there will be an answer actually. Of course there won't be.

 

[MrShino]

Exactly, if us flawed humans can feel so much empathy and compassionate and want to stop the suffering of other beings then how can an all-compassionate loving God not want to. He sounds like a narcissist who thinks they're perfect but who is actually deeply flawed, that is if he exists at all

I think if you believe in God, there are certain qualities that such a being must have, if not - then it is not really God you are talking about at all, but something else entirely. If God exists, He cannot be flawed or He wouldn't be God. If He is God He is the foundation of all morality, all considerations of right and wrong and it makes no sense to judge Him wrong. God cannot be wrong, or He wouldn't be God. It is not God you are talking about at all here really, but rather an idea of an imperfect flawed being that you call 'God'. That's why some believers say to atheists that the God you don't believe in, we don't believe in either.

Still, I think it is a good question you ask. Why does He not prevent suffering, why does He not eliminate evil if He can? Can God exist when evil exists? This is a question that has been asked for a long, long time. And highly intelligent minds have wrestled with it it through the times. We may be like an ant speaking about world politics here, but there are good answers if you care to look for it and from my perspective good reasons why this does not make God's existence an impossibility at all.

I understand your suffering since I also suffer, and I understand that it makes it difficult to believe. I really do, I have been struggling with the same. I hope you find your way, however, and that you will experience the peace of God soon enough and be set free from it all. If you seek, you shall find. Blessings!