Venting I told a friend I'm suicidal lately

[B3rry]

I don't know who to tell this, so here I am.

I've told a friend of mine yesterday that I'm suicidal.
And that it would be easier if I were just not.

Her immediate reaction was "how can you do this to me?"

Don't I have any value to anyone?
I haven't been hurt so much in a long time.
Save to say we're no longer friends.

It's not much, I just wanted to get this off my chest.

 

[benjaminbusdriver]

I can understand why that hurt you, but it is a shocking thing for most people to hear, and her gut reaction was that you'd no longer be there for her. Selfish and immature, yes, but not entirely unreasonable as a reacion. Don't waste time thinking about her. I'm sure you do have value to many people, and she's just not one of them. Move on.

 

[Oyoy]

What a bitchy thing to say. Everyone's having a hard time.

 

[Gregorius]

I understand you. I have long given up telling people about it. Unless you need or want help, then it works. Most just don't take it personally It means loss and change for them.
No matter how you choose, I wish you peace and love. :Umarmung::nicht sicher:

 

[faust]

True, I just do not tell anybody.
Thought my friend will feel okay about my intentions - he has been suicidal for 3 years.
But then he started talking about brain, how it works, that I know nothing about brain, that's why my thoughts are about suicide.
Won't tell anybody else, they don't understand. They are not even trying to understand.
Only trying to make me feel guilty about my willingness to die, imposing false hopes and the attitude is completely different.
Never ever in real life again.
You did a right decision! This person did not even bother to help you.
And I feel sorry you are dealing with such people in your life...

 

[k75]

Who cut ties over this? If you did and she was a close friend, maybe you shouldn't be so quick to write her off? That was very hurtful but also obviously a knee-jerk reaction, which is understandable given how shocking the information shared was. But maybe she deserves a second chance, once she's had time to actually think about it and process the situation. She probably said the first thing that popped into her head (you broke her filter in a way), and it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care about you. Things like that are hard for most people to hear and sometimes they don't know how to properly respond.

If she abandoned you, though... That's just a bitch move. She doesn't deserve you.

 

[pole]

that's a person who heard what you said and recognized you're pain and suffering, and her first instinct to hearing you're pain and suffering was to THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES, instead of thinking about you. if someone tells you there suicidal, and they think about themselves over the person that's actually hurting, that's the lowest of selfishness.

and i don't care how close you guys were as friends, that person placed their interests over you're pain and suffering and refocused it onto themselves. invalidated and don't value you, and couldn't care less about you. you're WAY better off without this type of person.

hope you find someone who acknowledges you're pain and suffering and values you enough to want to understand and hear you, and place you on the same focus level as themselves.

 

[Heartsick Traveler]

B3rry, the same happened to me not long ago and it's a gut punch, to be sure. Your friend, like mine, is emotionally clumsy/immature and self-absorbed. It's another reason I'm so grateful this forum exists--to be listeners and nonjudgmental witnesses for one another. I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

True, I just do not tell anybody.
Thought my friend will feel okay about my intentions - he has been suicidal for 3 years.
But then he started talking about brain, how it works, that I know nothing about brain, that's why my thoughts are about suicide.
Won't tell anybody else, they don't understand. They are not even trying to understand.
Only trying to make me feel guilty about my willingness to die, imposing false hopes and the attitude is completely different.
Never ever in real life again.
You did a right decision! This person did not even bother to help you.
And I feel sorry you are dealing with such people in your life...

Oh I've had that one before. Nothing more patronising. Someone says they're in hell with you then they manage to climb out even if they do try to throw you rope you're somehow now in the wrong and'all f***ed up'. Best wishes

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear that @B3rry and to you. I too, had similar experiences in my life too, for even less reasons or none at all. I don't like it when people do that and yes, if she's being really selfish and dragging you down then yes, it is better to cut ties.

 

[Mizrable80]

that's a person who heard what you said and recognized you're pain and suffering, and her first instinct to hearing you're pain and suffering was to THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES, instead of thinking about you. if someone tells you there suicidal, and they think about themselves over the person that's actually hurting, that's the lowest of selfishness.

and i don't care how close you guys were as friends, that person placed their interests over you're pain and suffering and refocused it onto themselves. invalidated and don't value you, and couldn't care less about you. you're WAY better off without this type of person.

hope you find someone who acknowledges you're pain and suffering and values you enough to want to understand and hear you, and place you on the same focus level as themselves.

This made me understand why I have the urge to distance myself from "friends" that think this way about my pain. It's even more frustrating that I'm aware that I'm nothing more than a listener to their problems. Nothing more but an emotional sponge that eventually gets drained and is left with just pain but when it's time for them to listen all ears are shut. Sometimes I wish I could be a mean person just so I don't have to feel guilty about "leaving them".

 

[pole]

This made me understand why I have the urge to distance myself from "friends" that think this way about my pain. It's even more frustrating that I'm aware that I'm nothing more than a listener to their problems. Nothing more but an emotional sponge that eventually gets drained and is left with just pain but when it's time for them to listen all ears are shut. Sometimes I wish I could be a mean person just so I don't have to feel guilty about "leaving them".

don't let how they treat you stop you from being yourself. continue to listen and be there for others and their problems. someone will reciprocate and value you're pain and suffering and give you the care and comfort that you deserve.

trust me, i really do understand. i was always there for close friends when they were down. but when the roles were reversed, and i was the one who was down, needing a shoulder to cry on? well they weren't there, and when they were, they invalidated my sadness and what i was going through.

however, it helps me also realize that i expected people to be there for me, just cause i was there for thems. DO NOT HAVE EXPECTATIONS PERIOD. having expectations, including expectations in others and expecting something out of someone will lead to heartbreak. honestly, i also chose to be there for people as a listener, because that's me as a person and it makes me feel better regardless. and stuff like this won't stop me from being there for others. but it definitely hurts not having someone be there for you.

 

[bpdandme]

So many people think they are the protagonist in other peoples lives just because they are the protagonist of their own. Not many people have the ability on reflect inwards and will make the situation about them and how a situation affects them. All of us here will have had interactions similar, people just don't get it which makes it even harder for us. Don't let this negative experience stop you from reaching out! Maybe you could send her a message to explain why what was said upset you. I'm sorry you've been hurt, sending light. We're all here for you too and understand your pain.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

Hi B3ry
es ist leider so, dass niemand, der selbst an Suizid denkt, unsere Schmerzen verstehen und nachvollziehen kann. Kaum ein "normal" denkender Mensch kann verstehen, das wir dem Leben keinen Wert mehr zugestehen, dass es eine Qual ist, weiter zu Leben.

Deshalb fragt kaum jemand erst nach Dir, wenn Du es Ihnen sagst. Sie sehen nur Ihren eigenen, kurzen Schmerz, der bald überwunden ist. Sie denken nur egoistisch an sich selbst, weil sie Deinen Schmerz nicht sehen können. Dein Schmerz, der viel grösser ist und immer grösser wird.

 

[Meowkin]

I don't know who to tell this, so here I am.

I've told a friend of mine yesterday that I'm suicidal.
And that it would be easier if I were just not.

Her immediate reaction was "how can you do this to me?"

Don't I have any value to anyone?
I haven't been hurt so much in a long time.
Save to say we're no longer friends.

It's not much, I just wanted to get this off my chest.

It must have been very hurtful to be on the receiving end of that. It's natural to open up to those around you. We are human after all and the desire to build a connection with others is a strong one. I'm sorry for your pain.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

Her immediate reaction was "how can you do this to me?"

The fuck?! Yikes, this is the reason why I reserve my suicidal confessions to ss. People are selfish beyond belief.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm aware that I'm nothing more than a listener to their problems. Nothing more but an emotional sponge that eventually gets drained and is left with just pain but when it's time for them to listen all ears are shut.

That's a perfect description of how narcissists are and they can be so depressing when you realize that .It can make a person suicidal if you are around that enough. I too have been nothing more than a pair of ears willing to listen to them endlessly talk about themselves.

Don't take it personally. They are extremely disturbed and use and manipulate to keep a supply of people who will do nothing more than listen to them endlessly talk about themselves. Recognizing that, and why you put up with it is the key to understanding it is not your fault. Have boundaries and cut these people out of your life.

Realize that your "friend" is NOT your friend. Only a self absorbed self centered narcissist who uses you. Now that you know that never speak to that person again. It's the only way to deal with them.