I thought I had it bad. Then I injured my neck.

[Suspect_Device]

For numerous reasons, I have developed disc problems in my neck. I've been suicidal my whole life but having blurry vision, nonstop eye headaches, pain in my eyes when I see the sun or florescent lights, headaches when I try to listen to music, and burning pain from my shoulder to my ring finger has convinced me that life is hell and can only get worse.

I am going to CTB with Fentanyl soon. Probably even sooner than I have planned. I know how to shoot it and can't wait for this hell to let up.

 

[athyy]

im sorry man. if you need anyone to talk to more in detail about your pain, im here

 

[SmollMushroom]

I'm very sorry for your condition. Be sure to think it through very carefully and to have a good plan.
Isn't fent best when ingested? I heard it takes very little of it to make one ctb.

 

[Suspect_Device]

I'm very sorry for your condition. Be sure to think it through very carefully and to have a good plan.
Isn't fent best when ingested? I heard it takes very little of it to make one ctb.

I plan to hang out by myself and get high for a while before I die.

 

[flakeyknight]

Some days I feel like physical health is more important than mental health (as long as the mental health issues arent too debilitating). I wish I could go back to my days of moping and being depressed over grades. At least I could go for a walk and work out to temporarily run away from the problems.

I had a leg fracture and was cleared to resume normal activites like running and basketball. I didn't do that but I walked and hiked a lot hoping my leg would get stronger. Turns out my back weakened from prolonged sitting and crutches which led to bad back pain that fires off nerves in my legs and walking on a weakened fascia led to pain in my foot that limits me to 3-5 miles a day. If I was told I had to keep doing physical therapy and walking wasnt enough I would have kept doing it. But prolonged walking on a weakened leg led to overcompensating with my uninjured leg, which eventually caused me to develop plica syndrome. It is a rare condition where a flap of tissue in the kneecap gets irritated and pinched and won't get better unless surgery is done but can grow back and hurt more. Chronic physical pain does effing suck and I wish I was a retired athlete because I would have millions of dollars to at least cope with it and have trainers with me 24/7. I have resumed physical therapy but the progress is almost nonexistent and I go from giving up to restarting it with hope that I can improve my condition back to giving up. I would like to do a physical job to be productive but I can't even do that. Worst of all I'm not a genius that can get hired nor do I have the charisma and soft skills to ace an interview for a higher paying desk job.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

Isn't fent best when ingested?

from what i saw, ingesting is the least effective but it takes so little that it shouldn't matter. if i had a source, i'd overkill it anyway.

@flakeyknight very sorry to hear that. almost feels like that's the sort of thing anyone has to look forward to. i have trouble walking down the block. especially on an uneven surface. but wow, from a fracture? do they have you on anything?

 

[flakeyknight]

from what i saw, ingesting is the least effective but it takes so little that it shouldn't matter. if i had a source, i'd overkill it anyway.

@flakeyknight very sorry to hear that. almost feels like that's the sort of thing anyone has to look forward to. i have trouble walking down the block. especially on an uneven surface. but wow, from a fracture? do they have you on anything?

Misled into thinking I could do thing's I wasn't supposed to. I should've been on a restriction for how much I could walk. I should've been at home doing planks, wall sits, calf raises and squats to restore balance to my legs. 1 month after being able to walk again I was walking up to 15 miles a day until I started to feel nerve pain in my back and eventually swelling in my knee from tendonitis and now fascia pain. If I was told to continue my physical therapy regimen and progress with weights I would have done so. Could have prevented a lot of my pain and suicidality today. It's like basketball player Bill Walton or gymnast Elena Mukhina who were cleared to do things they weren't supposed to do yet after leg fractures and live the rest of their lives broken. I still have it better than them in terms of injuries but have no guidance as physical therapy is expensive and i feel like I have made negligible progress going to the gym on my own. My weakened quad has kinda got a bit stronger after 1 month of wall sitting but my good leg is now injured and can't tolerate it

 

[Suspect_Device]

Some days I feel like physical health is more important than mental health (as long as the mental health issues arent too debilitating). I wish I could go back to my days of moping and being depressed over grades. At least I could go for a walk and work out to temporarily run away from the problems.

I had a leg fracture and was cleared to resume normal activites like running and basketball. I didn't do that but I walked and hiked a lot hoping my leg would get stronger. Turns out my back weakened from prolonged sitting and crutches which led to bad back pain that fires off nerves in my legs and walking on a weakened fascia led to pain in my foot that limits me to 3-5 miles a day. If I was told I had to keep doing physical therapy and walking wasnt enough I would have kept doing it. But prolonged walking on a weakened leg led to overcompensating with my uninjured leg, which eventually caused me to develop plica syndrome. It is a rare condition where a flap of tissue in the kneecap gets irritated and pinched and won't get better unless surgery is done but can grow back and hurt more. Chronic physical pain does effing suck and I wish I was a retired athlete because I would have millions of dollars to at least cope with it and have trainers with me 24/7. I have resumed physical therapy but the progress is almost nonexistent and I go from giving up to restarting it with hope that I can improve my condition back to giving up. I would like to do a physical job to be productive but I can't even do that. Worst of all I'm not a genius that can get hired nor do I have the charisma and soft skills to ace an interview for a higher paying desk job.

Physical health is most definitely more important than mental health. I always told myself that when my physical health goes I'll kill myself because it's pretty much shittyness x 75% when you cant function physically. It definitely feels more urgent and irreparable.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so torturous what you are going through, I understand why you'd be looking forward to being free from this hellish existence, it must be a relief having fentanyl as that certainly sounds like such a peaceful way to die to me. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave you find the freedom you search for.