Venting I thought finding a job would stop me from thinking about CTB

[MissRevlon]

Bullying, poverty and the traumas I faced as a teenager made it really hard for me to have a proper academic career. As a result I didn't get any diplomas, and in my country if you don't have a diploma it's like you're automatically disqualified from most jobs. It doesn't matter if you're actually good at the work or not, having a diploma means you're great in their eyes. Because of that I was jobless for a long time. This only made things worse for me mentally. Being unemployed and not having a good career was one of the main reasons behind my suicidal ideation. I thought that if I could just get a job it would change everything for the better. Then I finally got this internship. I thought that would make me stop thinking about suicide.... It's been the opposite. The workload is overwhelming and I'm expected to handle so many responsibilities for just $250 a month. On top of that the work environment and the managers are toxic afff!!!! Now I feel the desire to CTB even more. I want to die ASAP

 

[FlufflesAway]

Yea, I thought working would maybe make life less miserable... and it does to a degree. The same way browsing the net kills time, work kills time too, but you get a bit of money. And you get to 'socialize' a bit.

If your current workplace is toxic try and pivot into another job. It's usually easier to go from job-to-job than it is to job-to-unemployed-to-job. Hang in there. Only reason I stayed employed for so long was because I found work with some really nice people. They sort of became a nice family to me.