Venting I thought finding a job would stop me from thinking about CTB

[MissRevlon]

Bullying, poverty and the traumas I faced as a teenager made it really hard for me to have a proper academic career. As a result I didn't get any diplomas, and in my country if you don't have a diploma it's like you're automatically disqualified from most jobs. It doesn't matter if you're actually good at the work or not, having a diploma means you're great in their eyes. Because of that I was jobless for a long time. This only made things worse for me mentally. Being unemployed and not having a good career was one of the main reasons behind my suicidal ideation. I thought that if I could just get a job it would change everything for the better. Then I finally got this internship. I thought that would make me stop thinking about suicide.... It's been the opposite. The workload is overwhelming and I'm expected to handle so many responsibilities for just $250 a month. On top of that the work environment and the managers are toxic afff!!!! Now I feel the desire to CTB even more. I want to die ASAP

 

[FlufflesAway]

Yea, I thought working would maybe make life less miserable... and it does to a degree. The same way browsing the net kills time, work kills time too, but you get a bit of money. And you get to 'socialize' a bit.

If your current workplace is toxic try and pivot into another job. It's usually easier to go from job-to-job than it is to job-to-unemployed-to-job. Hang in there. Only reason I stayed employed for so long was because I found work with some really nice people. They sort of became a nice family to me.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Only reason I stayed employed for so long was because I found work with some really nice people. They sort of became a nice family to me.

I feel like this is key. To find the right workplace and coworkers. I feel like with the right coworkers and workplace, even a shitty job can be tolerable at least. Only thing is, finding that can be easier said than done.

 

[Reticent Being]

i feel worse when i cant do a job right, but it isnt my fault! It's like what you described... the work culture is toxic and unbearable. Employers force people to leave instead of making better working conditions. All jobs can easily be done if the my local government cared about training potential employees 24/7 freely. All they have to do is take a chance on someone they dont know.

work-sleep-repeat makes me want to ctb. I dont know why I'm forced to live for someone else to be rich off of making anything into useless commodity. I'm tired of helping my "economy" grow when i dont experience the growth.

I have a highschool diploma and a bachelor's degree. Still, it never helped me KEEP a paid job. Most jobs are for neurotypicals, not me

I really wanted to be a good worker and consumer. It was something i thought gave me value beyond just money . On a positive note, there can be hope for you tho! There are people who want to help make the work world a better place. There are jobs that are challenging and meaningful and give you more freedom

 

[Surai]

But because i am so socialy inept because of my familly I find it difficult to happily engage because Im depressed at the fact I have to get backto the same environment