hisfailedprotector
I'd do anything to undo what I did.
- Jan 15, 2025
- 3
All I want to do at this point is end it, I've exhausted all options and it feels hopeless. I'm planning on catching the bus tomorrow.
I would have done it sooner but my ex boyfriend insisted the last time we called that he wanted to call again, and I don't want to let him down more than I already have. I'm a terrible person though, he needed someone to love him that he could trust, someone who wouldn't hurt him after so many relationships that ended in him being used and tossed aside like he meant nothing, and I should have been the person who treated him right. He meant more to me than anything else, he was the only person who truly loved me in this miserable life that I've lived and I should have been more careful with how I acted towards him. I said things to him that I didn't mean that hurt him, I was too harsh on him for things that weren't his fault, and what I did to him when we finally met in person was, despite being an accident, vile and disgusting. I could have prevented it if I payed more attention to things that I knew could cause issues.
If I could go back and undo what I did, I would, but it's too late now, the guilt from hurting him after he had already been hurt so much, the grief I feel towards losing the only person in my life who ever loved me for who I am, and not just for my body or anything like that. It has ruined me completely. And the future scares me to hell.
So, I think tomorrow after we call for the last time is the right time to do it, I might reconsider but as far as I'm aware, it's too late for anything else.
I'm sorry Patryk, none of this is your fault, so please don't blame yourself for any of this.
To everyone else, see you tomorrow I suppose.
I would have done it sooner but my ex boyfriend insisted the last time we called that he wanted to call again, and I don't want to let him down more than I already have. I'm a terrible person though, he needed someone to love him that he could trust, someone who wouldn't hurt him after so many relationships that ended in him being used and tossed aside like he meant nothing, and I should have been the person who treated him right. He meant more to me than anything else, he was the only person who truly loved me in this miserable life that I've lived and I should have been more careful with how I acted towards him. I said things to him that I didn't mean that hurt him, I was too harsh on him for things that weren't his fault, and what I did to him when we finally met in person was, despite being an accident, vile and disgusting. I could have prevented it if I payed more attention to things that I knew could cause issues.
If I could go back and undo what I did, I would, but it's too late now, the guilt from hurting him after he had already been hurt so much, the grief I feel towards losing the only person in my life who ever loved me for who I am, and not just for my body or anything like that. It has ruined me completely. And the future scares me to hell.
So, I think tomorrow after we call for the last time is the right time to do it, I might reconsider but as far as I'm aware, it's too late for anything else.
I'm sorry Patryk, none of this is your fault, so please don't blame yourself for any of this.
To everyone else, see you tomorrow I suppose.
