Venting I think there are people who were born just to suffer

[Hunterer]

Hi, it's been a while since I posted anything here, and my head is a mess with so many problems, but as you can read in the title of the post, I believe that there are people who were born only to suffer, and I would say that one of those people is me and my family.

We have been suffering in this life for years, and it has not been just a few years. We have had to go through many extreme and bad situations over the years, such as facing poverty and debt, which is the main factor why our lives are sinking deeper and deeper, reaching the point where we don't even have enough to eat at home.

It's a frustrating situation and I know we're not the only ones going through this in the world, and I believe the suffering should fall on those who truly deserve it, in this case, bad people who committed brutal crimes, and not on people who are struggling and living their lives day after day to achieve the bare minimum.

I've been to church several times, because I'm Catholic, and I've asked God several times so that he could help us change the course of our lives, but as always, nothing ever changes and things seem to get worse and worse instead of better, and not even my mother can handle living a sad and decadent life like the one we're currently living. And to make matters worse, I'm still thinking about CTB, and if I do that, I'm sure my mother and the rest of the family will go into deep shock because of the loss and will probably do the same as me. But you know... sometimes I ask myself... "what if it's better this way?" What if it's better if we're all dead? Maybe then, we can reach a state of peace and we won't have to suffer and deal with bad feelings anymore.

I don't like to think this way, but I don't see any other way out right now. People might even tell me to seek treatment, but there's no way. My situation is more difficult and complex than you can imagine, so I believe that death is the only way to free everyone, but at the same time, I think it's a selfish thought, after all, they have hopes for better days, but my family has been dreaming of those better days for YEARS and with each passing year things only get worse for us, and what keeps them going day after day is faith in God and in better days, but honestly I'm already losing faith in both things, and I think it's better to just give up on everything.

Anyway, I just know that neither I nor other people out there have done anything bad to anyone, but even so, life insists on screwing these people over in different ways, one worse than the other.

I no longer have good enough reasons to continue living, and I believe that perhaps the only way to free myself and my family from all the suffering is through death. But I honestly don't know what to do... It's not easy, and people still say that I should be grateful for life. But with all due respect, fuck it. I have no reason to be grateful for living a fucked up life like this.

All human beings suffer at some point, but there are others who suffer constantly, and this applies to me and my family and I don't know what to do.

 

[Arahant]

If you suddenly came to money and had 10 million dollars in your bank account, what problems would remain?

 

[FuneralCry]

There really is so much cruelty in existing, I find it so horrible and dreadful how people suffer so unbearably all through no fault of their own, it's so cruel to me what you have to go through. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Hunterer]

If you suddenly came to money and had 10 million dollars in your bank account, what problems would remain?

The only problems that would remain would be mental ones, but perhaps with proper treatment, my mind could be healthy again.

Anyway, earning that much money wouldn't be bad, honestly. But as the years go by, some rich people get really bored, because they've already achieved pretty much everything they wanted, so I wouldn't be surprised if I'd still be depressed after a while if I were rich too. But I don't know, it's a hard scenario to imagine, but it would be a lot easier too

 

[untothedepths]

sorry you go through this, feel this way too. nothing ever goes right for me. ever. without fail.

 

[stayedtoolong]

I truly believe my being here was a mistake. Some sick joke upon whoever decided to bring me here. I have also asked God why I am here, to take me home and or to fix my issues and yet nothing. Safe to say I'm not really a believer anymore.

 

[brokeandbroken]

It does feel like that for me. Just feels like my life is an exercise in how much suffering I can handle and survive without killing myself. No joy no happiness no reward for hardwork no family no nothing just suffering.

 

[Draconis]

If you grow up in an dysfunctional family yes the most of life can just be suffering,life for some is just a curse....1/5 around 20% will live through hell...is not fair...

 

[Arahant]

@Hunterer Seeing you are catholic, have you considered taking refuge in a monastic life?
Wouldn't necessarily have to be forever, I think many monastic orders would be accepting of a temporary period of years.
As you may guess from my profile picture, I only know about buddhist sanghas - but some of them offer actual university educations for their senior monks/nuns.

Now I don't know you life situation, potential logistics, or personal beliefs about what is right for you, but if you are in this forum seiously considering ctb, perhaps social death is not too big a stretch of the imagination.
In fact, giving your life to altruistically serve a benevolent God reminds me of an old chap who lived in Israel way back when...

Mental health would be one issue that I don't see Catholicism helping with, but there could be things I don't know of.
Buddhism can be pretty good for that tho, with the whole aim being cessation of suffering etc.
If you wanted to explore the idea of buddhist monkhood, you could talk to Dhammarato via skype. He is a lineaged senior monk of the Thai Forest tradition, has a youtube channel with his info, and he is open to talk to the public about most everything.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

If you suddenly came to money and had 10 million dollars in your bank account, what problems would remain?

I'm not OP but with me no problems would remain. My life could become alive again backed by financial security until I die from old age.

 

[hadenough]

I think some people are born to suffer, me in particular, but in my case I deserve it because I am not a nice person. It does sadden me when good people like yourself suffer for no fault of their own, that is just so unfair. We are raised to think that if you are good and kind you will be rewarded, but that doesn't happen. It's quite sick. I truly hope that your luck changes for the better.

 

[Arahant]

I'm not OP but with me no problems would remain. My life could become alive again backed by financial security until I die from old age.

Let me just write you a check real quick :D

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry u have to go through this. Life is often so unfair. I believe that no one should suffer we all desereve good lives.

 

[Ironborn]

I've always believed in karma and balance, just so happens some of us here are doing the heavy lifting trying to balance those scales.

 

[Hunterer]

Now I don't know you life situation, potential logistics, or personal beliefs about what is right for you, but if you are in this forum seiously considering ctb, perhaps social death is not too big a stretch of the imagination.
In fact, giving your life to altruistically serve a benevolent God reminds me of an old chap who lived in Israel way back when...

Buddhism can be pretty good for that tho, with the whole aim being cessation of suffering etc.
If you wanted to explore the idea of buddhist monkhood, you could talk to Dhammarato via skype. He is a lineaged senior monk of the Thai Forest tradition, has a youtube channel with his info, and he is open to talk to the public about most everything.

Hello, thanks for trying to help with your advice and ideas. My mind is a total mess and the day I wrote this post I wasn't feeling well at all, but now, currently, I'm feeling a little better, but I'm not 100% and I never will be. But I'm trying to distract myself in some ways the way I can. I'm writing some stories and I plan to post them on the internet at some point, just to have them recorded, before I die lol

And I also have no interest in other religions anyway, so I'm sorry. I know I could try to find out something new through them, but I really don't feel like it, I'm sorry. The only other religion I know a little about is Spiritism, which I personally find interesting, but it's not the kind of religion I would follow.

And talking about religion, this reminded me of a story in the Bible about a man whose name I can't remember right now, and basically, God made this man suffer just to test his faith. I wonder, if God exists, is he doing this to me and other people? Well, it's just a theory. It would be interesting and at the same time devastating, because I probably would have failed the test

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I'm really sorry you and your family are suffering. We don't choose the hand we are dealt, we are just forced to cope with it. I truly hope things get better for you