Venting I think suicide planning might have become my hobby

[peerlesscucumber]

I've been planning my suicide for 2~ years, thinking and writing about it at any chance I have.
In truth, I don't even think I'm suicidal anymore. I've attempted twice or thrice over these 2 years, decisions made out of pure impulse, fully ignoring the plans I've been working on for so long.

I have multiple plans for this (I think the shortest one has about 9 steps), all of them are overcomplicated, they involve the people around me, and are constantly shifting based on character discoveries I make of the people involved in my plans.

Is this too weird????

 

[UmbraDweller]

That's a nice way of looking at it.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I don't think it's weird, but I've also been told by my partner several times that I'm obsessed with suicide, I don't think I am, but then again it's been a recurring thought for several years and only over the past year or so has gotten bad again

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

same here, though I do Plan on going through with my overthought and over planned CTB, but only after a few more years of over thinking every minute detail, down to what weather I Would like it to be during. Though despite spending about 3-4 Years so far planning, I still feel like I haven't planned it out enough, and that I'll fail.

But there is a weird calming feeling of imagining every little bit, every step in my head, Weirdly soothing in a away.

 

[kindalone]

Not necessarily planning as much as I fantasize about in stride. I'd read about a method and would go through it in my head, trying to fit it to my circumstances. It gives me a lot of comfort.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Not necessarily planning as much as I fantasize about in stride. I'd read about a method and would go through it in my head, trying to fit it to my circumstances. It gives me a lot of comfort.

I do this too. Wouldn't call it comforting though.

 

[kindalone]

I do this too. Wouldn't call it comforting though.

It isn't something I just do when I'm bored. It's when I'm really quite down and need to fantasize about a way to escape forever.

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

I love suicide plans. In my opinion there shouldn't be any more stigma attached to them than there is for horror movies or zombie apocalypse scenarios. Why can we fantasize about the latter but not the former?