Help I think of killing people I hate, and I'm worried about this. Did anyone else experience the same?

[Ksmиda]

About a year ago, I started getting thoughts about killing people that I hate or are just annoying. These thoughts were intrusive and random at first, but now it's something I always expect whenever I feel angry at someone or jealous. When this happens, I usually fantasise about shooting the person or hurting them or imagining them in horrible situations, like drowning or failing to hang themselves. I'm worried about these thoughts, not because the things I mentioned are disturbing but because I don't want to get into legal trouble if I act upon these thoughts and hurt someone. I really don't like this
Is this something common when dealing with depression?

I tried looking all over the internet to see if anyone else has the same experiences, but I found nothing, so I'm asking here.
This post might go too far even when it comes to this website, so I understand if I have to delete this post.
I just want answers to something that's really upsetting me, and I know the people here are honest.

Thank you

 

[Green_leaf]

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[koro]

I also think a lot about killing people that annoy me but the fact that this will get me into legal trouble is enough to hold me back. Don't know if it's normal tho, probably when you're under a lot of stress.

 

[Ksmиda]

I also think a lot about killing people that annoy me but the fact that this will get me into legal trouble is enough to hold me back. Don't know if it's normal tho, probably when you're under a lot of stress.

Yeah the fact that I could be arrested and all is one of the few deterrents

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

We are all capable to kill - only made-up laws stop most of us.

 

[koro]

I wouldn't worry about it, you're here on Sasu so you'll probably kill yourselves before that ever happens

If only SI wouldn't make that so difficult

 

[Ksmиda]

I wouldn't worry about it, you're here on Sasu so you'll probably kill yourselves before that ever happens

That made me laugh thank you

 

[R_N]

We would be doing that more often if it weren't for all the rules. I don't think it is unatural to feel that way, on the contrary.

When I had intense anger I channeled it through boxing. Now I feel I am too aware of my own nature to be hotheaded to that extent. I probably still have it inside me regardless but it would only go out in some effed up circumstance like someone hurting someone close to me.

I can emphatise with the feeling a lot. I went through it. For me it was probably pent up anger from all the childhood bullying which exploded later. I felt I wanted to rip apart any bully with my bare hands. It was always a feeling of fire burning through my chest and arms that urged me to action. Luckily I never got into much trouble but few times I was lucky some things didn't escalate.

I still have a punching bag but I don't really need it nowdays.

 

[gbi2]

I used to tell myself one day I will find my ex step dad and kill him or beat him badly for revenge but never did act upon it.
I haven't even been in a fight or thrown a punch even though people have beat me before.

Fantasising About Killing Your Boss Isn't As Bad As You Think, This Expert Says

During a particularly stressful day at work, it's hard not to fantasise about some pretty dark things when it comes to the people bossing you about. If you've freaked yourself out by some of those thoughts, you may not need to worry. According to…

www.bustle.com

I was on another forum many years ago and someone mentioned that they thought they might be crazy and evil because they would have thoughts like when one day they were about to go downstairs with their gran in front and they had a moment where they wondered what would happen if they just pushed their gran so she fell down the stairs. Or another time they wondered what would happen if they slapped a cup of hot tea out of their mums hand as she handed it to him so it went all over her.

I commented I had thoughts like that too but also never acted upon it as they were just instantly gone as quick as they entered my head. Others said they would have similar thoughts too.

It turned out there was a name for that, so it was known and also quite common. Can't remember the name now but your post just reminded me of it.

 

[PlathWannaBe]

This just sounds more like OCD with intrusive violent thoughts- this is actually quite common. Much more common than you think. You're not weird or bad.

 

[steppenwolf]

About a year ago, I started getting thoughts about killing people that I hate or are just annoying. These thoughts were intrusive and random at first, but now it's something I always expect whenever I feel angry at someone or jealous. When this happens, I usually fantasise about shooting the person or hurting them or imagining them in horrible situations, like drowning or failing to hang themselves. I'm worried about these thoughts, not because the things I mentioned are disturbing but because I don't want to get into legal trouble if I act upon these thoughts and hurt someone. I really don't like this
Is this something common when dealing with depression?

I tried looking all over the internet to see if anyone else has the same experiences, but I found nothing, so I'm asking here.
This post might go too far even when it comes to this website, so I understand if I have to delete this post.
I just want answers to something that's really upsetting me, and I know the people here are honest.

Thank you

Most people are hypocritical selfish cunts who hurt others and make you justifiably angry, and you start to think they are representative of all humanity and start thinking things you don't really mean. Like Adolf Hitler had the right idea. It's normal. But it's not the law that puts you off acting on your anger, it's your own humanity and your own respect for it. If people make you angry just be done with them and keep your self-respect as a human being who doesn't routinely hurt people whilst pretending to themselves that they're all right.

 

[TheBroken]

Every day - just don't act on it because it would just make life more miserable.

 

[pyroxenic]

Intrusive thoughts in depression are very common, and more so in anger episodes and downright spirals. If you actually have no desire to kill anyone or dont feel any gratification from these fantasies/thoughts then its just unwanted images based on how you feel at these moments, treat them as such.

The reason you probably couldnt find anything (excluding that most search engines suck extreme balls these days) is that rarely people with these intrusive thoughts have a place to talk about it, because of shame, guilt, and disgust of nature of these thoughts.

You arent gonna get in trouble with the law, thoughts are just thoughts at the end of the day. They dont shape you who you are as a person, your actions do.

 

[RoundaboutResolved]

Violent & murderous daydreams about boss, coworkers, wife, friends, family... yep. Been there, done that. Usually just pent up anger coming forth. I recognize what's going on, let the daydream play out, then move on with my day. When you start replaying it, or worse planning things out in your head, then it's time to talk to someone.

 

[Ksmиda]

Thank you for all the replies, I feel better

 

[0Lukz]

Thank you for all the replies, I feel better

glad to hear! haven't posted here in a while and like came back to see how things are and felt i needed to throw this in here cuz this post caught my interest

obviously harming people isn't cool, but intrusive thoughts are completely normal and having anything like that is pretty terrifying, more so to YOU probably than it is to anyone who knows lol. most people have been there, not necessarily having thoughts about killing people but other intrusive thoughts of the same sort. fucked up shit in general. unfortunately we as a society and our norms push these thoughts away and reject them as being "normal" and usually outcast people with said thoughts which, ironically enough, will ostracize someone and make them feel very alone and scared and inevitably act out on said thoughts whether they are aware of them or not which is how most uhhh, lets coin it "morally abhorrent criminals" come to be about, people like Adam Lanza and all that. extreme example and not comparing you or trying to say you'll BECOME that either, just throwing shit out there

now i'm not a therapist nor even an intelligent individual lol, but there is a difference between intrusive thoughts and natural impulses (idk what you're struggling with and neither do you but it does just sound like general intrusion of darker thoughts), but either way your self awareness of these things is key and its important to accept that this shit just happens with some folk, and whether you wanna dig and find the root cause of it or not is your own personal journey and may or may not benefit you. however its best to generally accept how you feel, understand that its wrong, and simply learn to walk away from things and reject whats in your mind on a kinder level and not punish yourself for it. walk away, both in your head, and physically haha, a LOT more people have these problems than you think, its normal and not something to shame, rather to be aware of and be better. simple as that. glad to hear you feel open talking about it SOMEWHERE, i'd say talk to a therapist about it or something if you feel you really may hurt someone else but idk how some would feel here about that (and idk how I even personally feel about it but i wouldnt know any other resources on hand personally). don't get too down on yourself for anything you may feel even if it is destructive, its natural and you can overcome it. good luck on your journey in life :DDDD

 

[King Ashoka]

Once there was a time when i wanted to sterilize whole earth. So that no living organisms can feel anymore pain.

Life=Pain

Push the red button to kill all living organisms.

 

[ShadowSelf]

Your experience reminds me of a memoir I read recently. The author also had disturbing intrusive thoughts that she didn't want to act on. She was diagnosed with something—I *think* OCD. Maybe reading the book would help you. It's called Sure, I'll Join Your Cult, and it's by Maria Bamford. Even if it doesn't help you, it might make you laugh; it's a funny book.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

My situation is different. I want to take revenge, kill, maim the nonhumans who ruined my life or harmed me.
At the same time, I have severe dysphoria, I hate myself for the mistakes I have made and really want to kill myself.
I'm in a cage.

We would be doing that more often if it weren't for all the rules. I don't think it is unatural to feel that way, on the contrary.

Exactly. Killing enemies, those who have done harm, is not a sin, as many people think. I hate laws that deny our right to retribution. These hypocritical "laws" do not deter me in this matter.

 

[Lupgevif]

I think about killing people all the time. Just nobody specific, I don't hate anybody.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Violent & murderous daydreams about boss, coworkers, wife, friends, family... yep. Been there, done that. Usually just pent up anger coming forth. I recognize what's going on, let the daydream play out, then move on with my day. When you start replaying it, or worse planning things out in your head, then it's time to talk to someone.

Second this.

Please reach out OP if your thoughts turn into plans.

But yes the thoughts themselves are very normal. I'm sorry to hear you are frustrated/angry/etc with others. It is a deep pain one must endure to have these thoughts <3

 

[Roseate]

We are all capable to kill - only made-up laws stop most of us.

Or our morals. Some people have rules, lines that they would never cross because it's not right (whether legal or not). Hurting someone else should scare anybody, depressed or not.

 

[Trakehner]

I have intrusive thoughts like this sometimes. Usually when someone has wronged me. Once my anger dies down, I can convince myself to not act on them. I will probably end up ctb before I come close to actually hurting others mainly because life in prison doesn't seem so fun.

 

[hellispink]

I fantasize about that almost everyday. I sometimes think like a monster a full blown psycho when i am mad or i hate someone. I blame bpd for it. But definitely the behavior is not normal at all. Most people would never have constant thoughts about it. Maybe they would say it jokingly or maybe once or twice in their lives when mad they thought of it. But almost everyday or constant like some of us do, it aint normal. The worst is we cant talk to no one about this. And we cant do nothing either because we fully aware of the consequences

 

[alienoforces]

thoughts like these are relatively common in people who suffer with depression. having these thoughts does not make you a bad person, and although they may be stressful and hard to deal with, they aren't entirely your fault. It's something i also struggle with. Having these thoughts is different to acting upon them. If you feel like you may actually take action in causing harm to someone else, then i would suggest you tell someone and seek help immediately. Otherwise, you don't really have anything to worry about! you aren't alone, and violent intrusive thoughts like these are common amongst the rest of us. It's not your thoughts that define you as a person, it is your actions.

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

Every day at school, i got bullied real bad.

 

[King Ashoka]

Every day at school, i got bullied real bad.

I wish all bullies get killed.

 

[RedHates]

When my half brother first tried to rape me when I was 15, I was so angry that I actually formed a plan of killing him. I didn't go through with it obviously. Since that day, every time his name was mentioned, hate would flow through me. I fantasised about stabbing him and making him suffer.

When I went to go live with him at 19, my dumb ass assumed he wouldn't rape me. But every single time he did, the thought crossed my mind again. Some days, I would just hold a knife but put it down shortly after. I never could go through with it. And I won't. I'd rather him suffer a long life with zero love and support than give him an easy way out.

 

[Orbitc]

I feel the same way - I dream of taking revenge on those I hate. I feel physical pain because of this. But I'm too cowardly to do this - I'm afraid of ending up in prison. I suffer because I don't have the money or power to hire criminals to help me do this. The most offensive thing is that I was once a kind person, but the meanness of people made me a psychopath. I can't stand the fact that I feel like a victim. I don't want to feel this way - I want to destroy my enemies and have everyone think about what a monster I am. I don't like feeling like a pathetic failure and a victim.

 

[Orbitc]

When my half brother first tried to rape me when I was 15, I was so angry that I actually formed a plan of killing him. I didn't go through with it obviously. Since that day, every time his name was mentioned, hate would flow through me. I fantasised about stabbing him and making him suffer.

When I went to go live with him at 19, my dumb ass assumed he wouldn't rape me. But every single time he did, the thought crossed my mind again. Some days, I would just hold a knife but put it down shortly after. I never could go through with it. And I won't. I'd rather him suffer a long life with zero love and support than give him an easy way out.

Scum like your brother shouldn't be killed - they should be maimed so that they suffer for the rest of their lives. Society must pass laws to castrate rapists