Venting I think my limit is close to being reached

[ijustwishtodie]

I can't take it anymore. I have always found all aspects of life overwhelming from the day I was born but I had enough capacity to handle it. I could handle school, I could handle work, I could handle the first year of university but now I can feel like this is where my limit ends. I don't think I can handle anything beyond this as the responsibilities and obligations and now getting too much. I'm glad that I didn't have to work when I was younger but I can tell that I'll be forced to work soon. Additionally, the second year of university will be significantly harder than the first year of university as that's just how it goes.

I think that my rationality in noticing the risks of a failed suicide attempt will break down and I'll be consumed by the desire to take any risks to kill myself. That doesn't mean that I'm going to be irrational overall per se as my thoughts on suicide are rational but what it means is that I'll be more desperate to kill myself. It horrifies me seeing other users on here talk about how they suffered for 20, 30, 40 etc years. I can't suffer for that long. I will have to take a massive risk in order to obtain a chance to get permanent non existence. Besides, this is what I wanted ever since I was born and I consider me obtaining permanent non existence more valuable than me obtaining a billion dollars. Wouldn't anybody take massive and horrifying risks for a billion dollars?

It's just that I feel like I have to take action soon. Just me fantasising about death won't give me death. I do wish I could die in an accident or something so that I don't have to go through the effort of trying to kill myself but it's stupid to ask for something fair in life as life is inherently unfair. If I want something, I have to work for it which I hate a lot and I wish there was an easier alternative, I really do, but there is none.

I haven't completely broken down just yet but I will soon enough, of that I am certain. I don't know when but I am getting more and more overwhelmed day by day. For me life has been nothing but full of suffering

 

[Mi Mi]

I can't take it anymore. I have always found all aspects of life overwhelming from the day I was born but I had enough capacity to handle it. I could handle school, I could handle work, I could handle the first year of university but now I can feel like this is where my limit ends. I don't think I can handle anything beyond this as the responsibilities and obligations and now getting too much. I'm glad that I didn't have to work when I was younger but I can tell that I'll be forced to work soon. Additionally, the second year of university will be significantly harder than the first year of university as that's just how it goes.

I think that my rationality in noticing the risks of a failed suicide attempt will break down and I'll be consumed by the desire to take any risks to kill myself. That doesn't mean that I'm going to be irrational overall per se as my thoughts on suicide are rational but what it means is that I'll be more desperate to kill myself. It horrifies me seeing other users on here talk about how they suffered for 20, 30, 40 etc years. I can't suffer for that long. I will have to take a massive risk in order to obtain a chance to get permanent non existence. Besides, this is what I wanted ever since I was born and I consider me obtaining permanent non existence more valuable than me obtaining a billion dollars. Wouldn't anybody take massive and horrifying risks for a billion dollars?

It's just that I feel like I have to take action soon. Just me fantasising about death won't give me death. I do wish I could die in an accident or something so that I don't have to go through the effort of trying to kill myself but it's stupid to ask for something fair in life as life is inherently unfair. If I want something, I have to work for it which I hate a lot and I wish there was an easier alternative, I really do, but there is none.

I haven't completely broken down just yet but I will soon enough, of that I am certain. I don't know when but I am getting more and more overwhelmed day by day. For me life has been nothing but full of suffering

You'll know when it's time
I think we all do
Whether we plan for it or impulse
We know
Be easy with yourself

 

[ijustwishtodie]

You'll know when it's time
I think we all do
Whether we plan for it or impulse
We know
Be easy with yourself

For me, it should be "time" right now. I never enjoyed any aspect of life to begin with. I'm not alive because I miss something within life or that I want something in life. No, I'm only alive because of the risks of a failed suicide attempt. However, soon enough, I will have to take the risk in order to have a chance at killing myself. Actually trying to kill myself is less comfortable than fantasising about death but I have to get out of my comfort zone soon

I don't know, I feel like whenever people say "you'll know when it's time", they imply that I love life and that's why I'm alive which isn't true at all. That phrase has such a negative connotation in my view due to how I've seen people use it

 

[Mi Mi]

For me, it should be "time" right now. I never enjoyed any aspect of life to begin with. I'm not alive because I miss something within life or that I want something in life. No, I'm only alive because of the risks of a failed suicide attempt. However, soon enough, I will have to take the risk in order to have a chance at killing myself. Actually trying to kill myself is less comfortable than fantasising about death but I have to get out of my comfort zone soon

I don't know, I feel like whenever people say "you'll know when it's time", they imply that I love life and that's why I'm alive which isn't true at all. That phrase has such a negative connotation in my view due to how I've seen people use it

Me saying you'll know when it's time has nothing to do with loving life
It simply means that the agony we go through over thinking about it
Planning it
At some point you'll just know
I thought I'd be trying again by end of June
But now I'm in a position where it may be soon
So to me that means I know despite all my plans and ideas
It's time

 

[FuneralCry]

I also find the thought of suffering for many more decades to be horrifying, existing truly is beyond undesirable to me. But anyway I hope that you eventually find what you search for, best wishes.