Venting I think my body has never wanted to process my physical existence

[dropdeadfred]

From as far back as I can remember, I have always been physically tired, with no diagnosis other than clinical depression because the MDs haven't found another reason from what tests they've run. I have had one doctor suspect CFS with no known cause. I tend to believe that maybe some bodies just don't want to "be."
Our bodies are in fucking.constant.motion... circulating blood, expanding/contracting, sending signals... not to mention how the mind can wreak havoc on the body in general.
My body is always tense. How could I ever relax? Nothing would work, unless I decided to become a heroin addict, maybe... but what life is that? Probably just as stressful as this one. There is no "permanent fix" to something that has no desire to thrive. Sleep has been my only remedy, but that doesn't work in this world. & My body would always wake me up anyway, regardless. Fuck that noise. My ever-late bus is on its way tomorrow & I shall never wake again. I cannot wait to feel the tension slip from my body.
P.S. I've tried everything I know/accessible to me to increase my energy.

 

[peacechoice]

I am so sorry to hear you have this terrible illness that is undiagnosed. I really wish I could take all the suffering from this world. I hate it. I want peace as much as you do. I am so sorry I know what it's like to be in physical pain. I can only offer sympathies, I wish I could offer a solution.

 

[dropdeadfred]

I am so sorry to hear you have this terrible illness that is undiagnosed. I really wish I could take all the suffering from this world. I hate it. I want peace as much as you do. I am so sorry I know what it's like to be in physical pain. I can only offer sympathies, I wish I could offer a solution.

& I wish the same for you, friend. You & I seem very similar- I wish I could take away all of the worldly pain. I already go through so much myself, but it's not enough... my empathy desires more. I care so deeply.

 

[peacechoice]

& I wish the same for you, friend. You & I seem very similar- I wish I could take away all of the worldly pain. I already go through so much myself, but it's not enough... my empathy desires more. I care so deeply.

I know. I totally understand. I wish I could do so much more than I can. If you need to talk please reach out!

 

[Red]

Sleep is soooo gooood
Every night I go to sleep n wish never to wake up - always disappointed to see the next day.
Eternal oblivion sounds so amazing, I wish you peace along the way, however you choose to proceed

 

[dropdeadfred]

Sleep is soooo gooood
Every night I go to sleep n wish never to wake up - always disappointed to see the next day.
Eternal oblivion sounds so amazing, I wish you peace along the way, however you choose to proceed ❤

Same to you, keeper of kitten (your avatar is amazing.) My bus was delayed- it's still on its way. In the mean time, my sleep is haunted by thoughts of CTB when I wake up & go back to sleep during the night. Must be because of how much I wish I were dead already. It feels like a form of limbo.

 

[Red]

Thank you - it's Death from the Terry Pratchett Discworld novels plus the kitty looks like my lil kitty who I loooooove with all my being lol

I connect with that feeling of limbo - it's always felt like that for me too, having attempted and nearly succeeded at 17 but pulled through somehow!

 

[dropdeadfred]

Thank you - it's Death from the Terry Pratchett Discworld novels plus the kitty looks like my lil kitty who I loooooove with all my being lol

I connect with that feeling of limbo - it's always felt like that for me too, having attempted and nearly succeeded at 17 but pulled through somehow!

Books & cats are awesome! I can relate to that last sentence. What a force my body is to still be around. Like, what in the actual hell? I have noticed my heart has grown weaker since my last attempt (induced hypercapnia) & it is quite comforting. I used to be somewhat of a hypochondriac & now my body is worse than it's ever been & I'm all like, "Yay. Less fight now." LOL Kind of a strange realization in a way, to actually have given in.
Thanks for listening to me ramble.

 

[Red]

Hey no worries dude, is what this place is for!
N you hear about all those people who apparently loved life n were taken too soon and you're like hey, HAVE MINE!

 

[Gnip]

I am curious as to whether or not you have ever undergone an overnight sleep study. Obstructive sleep apnea was a diagnosis which didn't even exist for decades after I was born, and it turns out I have a severe case of it.

Naturally I understand that "Enough is enough!" and you might not want to wait anymore, but I have lived long enough to be diagnosed with a number of conditions which have answered many of the problems I've had with life. (I suspect I have other medical conditions which nobody alive today will ever live to learn about, even if some of those people live another 200 years.)

 

[dropdeadfred]

I am curious as to whether or not you have ever undergone an overnight sleep study. Obstructive sleep apnea was a diagnosis which didn't even exist for decades after I was born, and it turns out I have a severe case of it.

Naturally I understand that "Enough is enough!" and you might not want to wait anymore, but I have lived long enough to be diagnosed with a number of conditions which have answered many of the problems I've had with life. (I suspect I have other medical conditions which nobody alive today will ever live to learn about, even if some of those people live another 200 years.)

I actually have. Thanks for asking! My results came out perfect. I read a thread here about chronic Lyme Disease last night & I've never been tested for it... I live in tick/Lyme country, so it's more possible that I have it. I have many of the symptoms. I am going to ask about it when I have my next appt.
I'm glad to hear that maybe you've found relief in some ways from your diagnosis's. It's highly possible that if my cause(s) of chronic fatigue are strictly/mostly medical in nature that they won't ever be discovered or will be discovered via autopsy. I'd love to know what they'd find!

 

[TooConscious]

I concur.

 

[Gnip]

I actually have. Thanks for asking! My results came out perfect. I read a thread here about chronic Lyme Disease last night & I've never been tested for it... I live in tick/Lyme country, so it's possible that I have it. I have many of the symptoms. I am going to ask about it when I have my next appt.
I'm glad to hear that maybe you've found relief in some ways from your diagnosis's. It's highly possible that if my cause(s) of chronic fatigue are strictly/mostly medical in nature that they won't ever be discovered or will be discovered via autopsy. I'd love to know what they'd find!

An autopsy never would have revealed my OSA, one benefit of procrastinating on CTB. I often quip that my situation would be fascinating if I wasn't the patient suffering!

Sure, getting checked out for Lyme disease is an excellent idea. I do wonder, since you've said you've been dragging as far back as you can remember.

The legendary developer of Progressive Muscle Relaxation, Edmund Jacobson, described the state his method achieved not as an absence of energy, but as concentrated energy. In 1928, he published "Progressive Muscle Relaxation," and in 1934 he published "You Must Relax," which is the second best selling self help book of the 1930's (after Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" from 1937). What Jacobson developed has never been improved upon or surpassed (but I can't use it because of my OSA, as my airways collapse and choke me when I begin to relax).

It may well be that what you actually need is a course in relaxation training, whether it be PMR, Autogenic Training, diaphragmatic breathing, a biofeedback therapist who incorporates relaxation training into the practice, or other such methodologies or a combination of methodologies.

One quick way to find out is to locate a competent acupuncturist. This can be an amazing experience, although the results don't usually last beyond the 20 minute sessions themselves, but it can let you know if chronic stress and nervous tension is causing you to be chronically fatigued.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progressive_muscle_relaxation

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmund_Jacobson

Here is the website of the final active protégé who Jacobson taught his original classic PMR formula to:

http://www.specializedrelaxationtraining.com/about.html



Regarding Autogenic Training:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autogenic_training

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johannes_Heinrich_Schultz


This is from a post I submitted on Autogenic Training and how to do it:

AUTOGENIC TRAINING​

Imagine being able to tell your body to relax-really relax-and have it respond! That's precisely what you may be able to do through autogenic training, a form of self-suggestion you can master in minutes and use every day to to help ease the symptoms of stress.

Autogenic (that is, self-regulating or self-generating) training was developed by Dr. Johannes Schultz and Dr. Wolfgang Luthe, both German neurologists, early in this century and published in 1932. The technique is based on their medical research (particularly in hypnosis and yoga, but without ceding some control of mind that hypnosis requires, or getting entangled in the mysticism and idealism of yoga) and has been used primarily to treat a variety of maladies, including migraines. But it seems to work best as a stress tamer.

Basically it consists of getting into a passive, relaxed frame of mind while giving your body a series of self instructions, such as, "My heartbeat is calm and regular." This hypnotic body talking, say researchers, can somehow produce physiological changes, including deep, stress releasing relaxation. And practicing, they say, makes it easier to get the body to "listen" and react.

Dr. Martin Schaffer, clinical psychologist, head of the Stress Management Institute in San Francisco and author of Life after Stress, explains the easy steps to autogenic relaxation.

As with other relaxation techniques, you need to get into a quiet room to begin. Turn the lights down low and wear loose clothing. Sit in a chair that comfortably supports your head, back, legs and arms. Or lie down with a pillow under your head, feet slightly apart, and arms at your sides but not touching your body. Get as comfortable as you can.

Then close your eyes and slowly recite the following instructions, breathing deeply and evenly, saying the verbal cues to yourself as you exhale.


1. "My hands and arms are heavy and warm" (five times).

2. "My legs and feet are heavy and warm" (five times).

3. "My abdomen is warm and comfortable" (five times). [Omit this step if you have ulcers.]

4. "My breathing is deep and even" (ten times).

5. "My heartbeat is slightly calm and regular" (ten times).

6. "My forehead is cool" (five times). [Note: Saying your forehead is "cold" instead of "cool" may result in headaches!]

7. "When I open my eyes, I will remain relaxed and refreshed" (three times).

Now perform the following sequence of body movements:

1. Move your hands and arms about.

2. Move your feet and legs about.

3. Rotate your head.

4. Open your eyes and sit up.

All this should be done with an attitude of passive concentration. Observe what's happening to your body, but don't consciously try to analyze it. By all means don't criticize yourself for having distracting thoughts. If your mind wanders, simply bring it back to to your instructions as soon as possible.

Dr. Shaffer advises doing 2-minute autogenic training sessions ten times a day. "When you spend ten little times a day bringing your tension level down, it's unlikely to get up that high," he says.

And be patient: Experts say that in some cases, autogenic training can take weeks to achieve the desired physiological effect.


Unexpected Results

Be forewarned that autogenic training is serious therapy and can have profound effects. There's a small chance that you may, for example, experience "autogenic discharges"-tingling or other body sensations, involuntary movements, pain, or even a desire to cry. "When that happens, simply do nothing," says Dr. Shaffer. "Tell yourself this is a normal discharge of tension in your body."

In rare cases, some people lie back, begin their autogenic rituals, but instead of feeling relaxed, lapse into a panic of anxiety. "That happens with people who need tension as a defense," says Dr. Shaffer. "They're getting rid of their tension and comes anxiety. Things they've not paid attention to are coming up to the surface." His advice is to just let it pass and continue the autogenic formula; if the agitation continues, stop the training and seek professional therapy to get to the root of your anxiety.

If you have high or low blood pressure, diabetes, hypoglycemic conditions or heart conditions, consult your physician before you even begin autogenics. Those with severe mental or emotional disorders are discouraged from even trying the technique. And if you find yourself feeling continually restless during or after autogenic sessions-or if you suffer any disquieting aftereffects-practice only under the supervision of a professional autogenic training instructor.

Source-POSITIVE LIVING AND HEALTH: The Complete Guide to Brain/Body Healing & Mental Empowerment, Rodale Press-Pages 249-250.

 

[in hell out soon]

Hi there! I felt like this for a while. It ended up being a combination of hormone problems and Hyper mobility, but especially the hyper mobility bit in this case. Has this been considered for you?

 

[Gnip]

Pretty late to this thread here, I was fatigued for 28 years of my life then was diagnosed with hepatitis c while trying to donate bone marrow.
Since I've been in remission my energy and mental alertness has improved. It's not something they usually test for unless you use needles but if you're from the 90's there's a decent chance you have been exposed.

maybe worth looking into?
Beyond that and for what it's worth I recently learned I spend a lot of my life dissociated from my body and my therapist mentioned this could be why I'm so tired because my subconscious constantly working to avoid being in my body....

sorry you're dealing with this though fatigue is painful af

I agree with this, and Hep C is one of the conditions I recently had ruled out. Like Thomas Edison said, "I've found another way not to invent the lightbulb!" (Actually, this is one of the reasons I hate tattoos so much. When I see a tattoo, I automatically think the person's infected. Also, my father got his initials tattooed on his wrist when he was 14 and said it hurt like hell. Neither I or any of my siblings would ever think of getting a tattoo after growing up with his horror story about getting his.)

 

[Weary Soul]

In my case, I suspect I spent so much time trying to survive my childhood that I had no extra energy to spare and was exhausted all the time. When I got older, I was diagnosed with a severe B12 deficiency that led to megoloblastic anemia and very severe fatigue. If you are a vegan/vegetarian - B12 supplements are needed from what I understand. I can't absorb it through my stomach so I used to take about 3000 mg/day sublingually; although, I should probably have the shots again. Given my current path though, I am actually glad I am anemic.

Alla that being said, I strongly suspect that there are conditions that medicine has not found the answers to.

I am sorry you have experienced this, there is some good advice from others here that might help.

<3

 

[dropdeadfred]

In my case, I suspect I spent so much time trying to survive my childhood that I had no extra energy to spare and was exhausted all the time. When I got older, I was diagnosed with a severe B12 deficiency that led to megoloblastic anemia and very severe fatigue. If you are a vegan/vegetarian - B12 supplements are needed from what I understand. I can't absorb it through my stomach so I used to take about 3000 mg/day sublingually; although, I should probably have the shots again. Given my current path though, I am actually glad I am anemic.

Alla that being said, I strongly suspect that there are conditions that medicine has not found the answers to.

I am sorry you have experienced this, there is some good advice from others here that might help.

<3

Thank you for sharing & caring. I don't remember the last time I felt this good- I slept roughly 18 hours, though I did get drunk last night. I haven't been able to do that for a long time (sleep like I would like to.) I hate that all I want to do is sleep. My fatigue has ruined everything, so I am choosing permasleep. Maybe tomorrow. I just want enough energy & focus to clean the house before I go.

 

[Weary Soul]

I am so sorry life/circumstances have led to your decision.

I so wish I could scoop everyone here up in a huge hug and find a way to help them... including myself O.O.

Much love to you, I will be thinking of you.

<3